The spirit of giving

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The holidays are creeping up so fast this year! Am I the only one that is completely blindsided by Thanksgiving? I feel so unprepared!

Normally I like to plan out Christmas gifts far in advance and have the majority of my shopping done before the first of November. I begin my bargain shopping at the New Year’s clearance sales. From then on, I get things in drips and drabs whenever I find an awesome deal that I can’t pass up. By spreading my shopping out over the entire year, it helps save a lot of money for our single income family, and it also saves me from the chaos of shopping during the holiday season.

I have only been shopping on Black Friday once in the past 15 (or more) years. As you can imagine, this was before kids! I consider myself a combat shopper, but I don’t know if I am that hard core! Rather than be up for a post-turkey coma shopping all-nighter extravaganza, I prefer to sleep in, fix some leftovers for breakfast, and casually putter around the house in my robe and slippers.  

I mistakenly attempted to make a quick run to Costco yesterday. I figured that since it wasn’t yet the day before Thanksgiving, it would be busy, but not super duper busy. Well, it was cray cray. Totally insane. The parking lot was so full that people were parking across the street into an overflow lot and tons more cars were circling the lot like vultures. I managed to change course and narrowly escape before I got stuck in the Costco parking lot vortex of terror.

Why do we put ourselves through all of the holiday torture twice in the span of a month? Well, there’s the whole spending time with family thing. Obviously...

In our family we don’t often get to be under the same roof with other family members, and since we have to deal with food allergies it’s usually easier for me to make the holiday meal here at my house. Even though it can be a bit stressful, we always have a fun time.  

But, what is it really all about, Charlie Brown?

Sorry, I couldn’t resist...

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Well, beyond the whole Pilgrims and Indians thing for Thanksgiving and the birth of Christ for Christmas, I think it really all boils down to one thing:  giving.

We want to give a good meal and prepare foods that we know others will like. We want to give our time and spend it in a meaningful way with our family. We want to give something personal to others that we hope they will enjoy. We want to give a smile. We want to give our love.

(And, depending on your family dynamic, you may want to also give a few choice words or gestures along the way! I am definitely thankful that we don't have a lot of drama in our family!)

Do you want to know what meaningful gift I was offered recently?

$27.

It doesn’t sound overly special, does it? However, I can assure you that the $27 is indeed very special. Let me tell you why.

Last year (if you were reading my blog back then), you may recall me telling you about how I help run a low-cost, sensory-friendly Santa portrait event. It’s such a joy to be a part of! We recently had our first event of 2 scheduled for 2012. We are always excited to see repeats and marvel at how big the kids have gotten since last year.  

One family in particular, a repeat to our event, has a fairly complicated situation. It’s a hodgepodge of diagnosis alphabet soup, including foster children. And, although the kids were on their best behavior, I know that they are very challenging. I think most foster parents would shy away from the tougher cases, but not this family! For all I know, the mom can leap small buildings with a single bound! She has such grace, and her intense focus and determination keep her working toward doing the best she possibly can for each of her children.  

After she arrived to the event with her entourage, she took me aside and quietly said:

“Do you know of any families that would like to attend this event and cannot pay? I want to help with that. This month and we have an extra $27 and I’d like to contribute to those that need it.”

I stood there with a smile on my face, nodding, trying to focus on what she was saying. Wait a minute...did she just say what I think she said? When I realized the depth of her offer, I wanted to burst into tears at her generosity. She was so touched by her experience with our event that she wanted to give that same experience to others…even though she only had $27 extra for the month. The month!

Simply. Incredible.

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It was such a genuine moment of a giving heart in action. She truly embodies the spirit of giving and serves as an example to all of us.

And that is what it’s really all about.

I hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving!    

 

   

Parenthood and the cancer diagnosis

Lately, every time I sit down to watch the NBC show, Parenthood, I am in tears by the end of the episode. And, it’s not just a girly hormonal thing.

Generally speaking, I enjoy the show because they incorporate a lot of relevant topics, weaving them throughout their episodes. Things like: adoption, military/PTSD, Asperger Syndrome, and the larger concept of family.

Their recent story line with Kristina getting breast cancer has touched me. Deeply.

As with most people, I have a family connection to cancer. I have seen loved ones pass away from the ravages of this disease, and it isn’t pretty. It’s never pretty.

I have dealt with my own husband getting a cancer diagnosis just before his 30^th birthday.

It was the most difficult time of my life. That seems almost dumb to say because I wasn’t the one who had to deal with cancer – surgery, bone marrow biopsy, scans of all kinds, chemotherapy, radiation and more scans.

I cannot even imagine what Titan must have gone through in those moments by himself.

That’s what I was thinking of as I watched the last scene of the “Together” episode of Parenthood, when Adam was sitting with Kristina in the infusion room, holding her hand while her first round of chemotherapy was administered.


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I did not get the opportunity to be there with my husband as he went through the process, and it hurts me to this day. It was just not possible.

I wasn’t there when he got a terrible chemical burn when the chemo blew through his vein and destroyed the tissue inside his hand – which still bothers him to this day. I wasn’t there when they began diluting the chemo because of how much it burned going in, which took 2-3 times longer to administer. I wasn’t there when he felt immediately nauseous whenever he pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. I wasn’t there when he almost walked away from his last round of chemo because they couldn’t find a vein and he had to spend hours at 2 different hospitals just trying to get the IV set. I wasn’t there when he got the tattoos on his chest to calibrate the radiation machine. I wasn’t there because I couldn’t be.    

We didn’t have much help during that time. It was pretty much us against the world. I had to take care of my non-stop toddler and screaming baby during Titan’s treatment. It didn’t help that the kids and I were chronically sick the entire time he received chemo. We had one cold after another after another. Titan had to wear a surgical mask whenever he entered our house. For months. Even if I had been able to secure a babysitter to watch the boys while I went with Titan to the hospital, I couldn’t be there because I was a germy threat to each person that had a compromised immune system.

Titan after a round of chemotherapy - December 2005

 

It felt terrible knowing that I was stuck at home and my husband had to go through treatment completely alone. As his wife, it cut me to the core. And there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.

At the time, Monkey was in the thick of the terrible two’s, which we later found out was autism. Prince Charming was only a few months old, and he didn’t sleep, had terrible reflux despite breastfeeding, and he cried all the time. Of course, now we know he had undiagnosed food allergies and autism.

Every single day was intensely challenging, and if I managed to get a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep a night, I counted myself lucky. Dealing with Titan’s cancer in the middle of all of that was just one more layer of chaos to a life that already felt completely out of control.

I was trying to figure out how to parent my children, who both seemed like unsolvable puzzles. I was trying to care for my husband who still had to work and support us, and couldn’t really help me with the kids or the house. All I could do was educate myself about cancer and treatments. I felt that if I couldn’t be there in person to show my support and sit with him for the hours he had to be there, I could show support from home by learning as much as possible to help him.

During the course of my husband’s diagnosis, surgery and treatment, we made a conscious decision to not focus on being scared or sad, but to maintain a positive and proactive approach. We did not grieve the diagnosis or dwell on anything that could go wrong. We both knew that Titan had to stick around and that there were no other options, so we agreed on maintaining that attitude and asked God to help make our faith a reality.

When we sat in the room with the doctor and went over the results that showed the presence of cancer, we accepted the diagnosis with a smile and not tears. Our response was unsettling to the doctor, who scolded us for not taking things seriously.

It was then that I became educated.   

Up to that point, I was staunchly mainstream with all of my ideas about medicine, food, and doctors. Everything I thought I knew was challenged. And, that is when it all changed for me.  

I learned the difference between vegetarian, vegan and raw. I learned what a naturopath does. I learned that there are stores dedicated only to supplements, vitamins and nutrition. I learned about acid-alkaline balance. I learned that charities like the American Cancer Society and Susan G. Komen are not all they’re cracked up to be. I learned that there is a difference between juice you buy at the grocery store and juice you make at home with a fancy machine.

I learned so many things!

I tried to use this knowledge for my husband’s benefit as he dealt with cancer. He lost 30 pounds, he lowered his cholesterol significantly without prescription medication, and he didn’t lose his hair as they promised us he would (although it did thin a bit). The doctors were extremely worried about his weight loss, and we were able to convince them that it was actually a sign of his good health because of the changes we had made to his diet and nutrition. We were trying to support his body so that he could better deal with the toxic effects of the chemotherapy.

It has been 7 years since he received his diagnosis.   

One thing is for sure: everything we learned about cancer has helped us with autism. Everything.

For that, I am thankful for the experience, despite how difficult it was. My eyes may not have been as open had my husband not had cancer. I probably would have never considered anything “alternative,” like the GFCF diet that unlocked speech for Prince Charming.

My boys are better off now because my husband had cancer. That is a completely bizarre thought, but it’s true.

I wish I could have been there for my husband in the ways I had hoped to as his wife, but our life just didn’t allow for it at the time. I think any wife and wannabe super mom always hopes to do it all, and it’s hard when reality doesn’t allow you to even try. I know that I can’t change what happened and that Titan understood, but I still wish I could have done more. There is still a lot of pain and pangs of guilt over that, which all came flooding back when I watched Parenthood.

Now that we are so far removed from the diagnosis and treatment, I can allow myself to feel those feelings. A little bit of distance from it helps me realize how remarkable the whole thing was, and how well we did in the circumstances.

It feels like an eternity has passed, yet when watching the show, it’s like it was just yesterday. I guess as long as the cancer storyline continues on Parenthood, I’ll get a little bit of therapy one episode at a time.      

          

Caffeinated Autism Mom for Governor?

Apparently I was written in as a candidate for Governor on a ballot! Talk about shock. Wanna know who thought I was more qualified than the other candidates?

My dad.

I guess I should take it as a compliment, although I thought it was a waste of a perfectly good vote.

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I will admit that I got a tiny bit of satisfaction thinking that some person in the Auditor's office was going to have to add me to a list of write-in candidates.

Right along with Mickey Mouse.

Well, I was almost famous for one day with my single vote for Governor.

In honor of election day and my brief stint as a candidate for Governor, I thought I would make an announcement.

I won the Best Parenting Blog in the Best of Western Washington contest that I was harrassing you about on Facebook for the better part of September and October!

If you voted for me, I really appreciate it. The contest may be a local one, but to those of us who live in the Seattle area, it's kind of a big deal and I'm very excited about winning.

One little side note:
I saw on their website that I won the contest (and even checked it twice that day out of disbelief!), but then their site went down. Now, I can't obsessively check it just to "make sure." Since then, they keep pushing out the date they will re-release the final tally. Something about technical issues. So, I won according to their site, pre-crash, and I hope it stays that way! I'm moving forward with it, and hope I don't have to eat my words later...  

You may also remember me asking begging you for your vote in the Chase Community Giving $5 million grant contest. My nonprofit was ultimately too small and unpopular to win, but I'm happy for each and every vote we got. I hope we can try again next year and do even better. I guess I can't win 'em all, right?

I found this little gem on Facebook.
Make sure my coffee is Stumptown Roasters.
Their coffee is so yummy! :-)

In honor of the one thing I did win, and as a thank you to everyone for putting up with the constant barrage of voting requests on Facebook and Twitter, I'm announcing a blog giveaway!

I have a coffee-themed gift. Several, actually. Did you expect anything less from CAM? I haven't chosen the specific item I'm going to give away for this contest, but they are all cool if you like coffee. And, you do like coffee, don't you? 

To enter, all you have to do is leave me your favorite picture, cartoon, or image related to coffee and post it on my Facebook page. Make sure to include your email address so I can reach you if you win! I will select a winner and make the announcement on Monday the 12th.

Good luck, and thank you for voting!        

Jon Stewart made me cry

Well, kind of. You see, Jon Stewart helps put together a benefit for autism called "Night of Too Many Stars," and there was a moment from this year's show that has gone viral. In fact, you may have already seen it 15 times on Facebook.

Katy Perry sang "Firework" with one of her biggest fans, a girl with autism named Jodi DiPiazza. And that is what made me cry.

The story from the parents at the beginning of this video could be any one of us talking about our child. That parent is you. That parent is me. That little girl is my child, and she's your child.

Her dad talked about getting his daughter into a specialized school, and that things changed for her as a result. This is the very problem that so many of us have with our children on the spectrum. Access to proper care. Getting insurance to cover needed therapies and treatments. It's an uphill battle for almost all of us. But, Jodi is proof that when a child with autism is able to access what is needed, a life can change for the better. Not only for her, but for her family.

Jodi's mom said, "It's been difficult. Hard. But, it's amazing how far she's come." I know exactly how she feels. My boys are proof that progress can happen with autism.     

If you haven't yet seen the video, settle in for about 8 minutes. You may want to grab a tissue, too.

A boy's first protective cup

Every boy has that moment. It’s a rite of passage. It’s that moment when they discover that their nether-regions are tender. Monkey recently had his moment.

First, a little back story. Over the summer Monkey began participating in karate. He cried at the idea of karate and we were truly doing it as an activity for Prince Charming, who had become obsessed with martial arts after watching the Avatar cartoon. Every day you could find him practicing his “bending” of the elements. It was fun to see him create awesome moves on the fly.

On the first day of karate class Prince Charming was excited and Monkey was practically kicking and screaming between the tears. My how things changed in one day. Monkey loved seeing Sensei do the moves and the kids follow along. He was motivated by what the other boys were doing.

Prince Charming quickly realized that he had trouble getting his body to copy the moves and positions. He has always struggled with motor planning and has difficulty of moving one hemisphere of his body at the same time as the other hemisphere. For him, he could focus only on manipulating his arms or his legs, but not both at the same time. It was extremely frustrating for him, and he ended up angrily shutting down and leaving the class in tears. 

Monkey enjoyed every class and has happily continued on without his little brother. One of the weekly activities is sparring. Sensei requires protective gear for the boys, including a mouth guard and a protective cup. Monkey didn’t like wearing the mouth guard, and would take it out of his mouth and lay it down on the sweaty mat. Ewww.

I didn’t even attempt getting him to wear the cup after I saw that his idea of sparring was running away from his opponent madly in circles until they captured his flags or scored points on him. He didn’t understand the concept of offensive maneuvering at all and there was really no need for us to try to cover him from head to toe in protective equipment.

Until last week. He learned the benefits of a cup from his brother.

He was harassing Prince Charming at home until the moment when the switch flipped and he became Grumpy Badger. Their interaction ended with Grumpy Badger yelling and punching Monkey…in the groin. Monkey was doubled-over, crying.

Holding himself gingerly, he hobbled and limped over to me and my husband. Screaming more than crying, he says, “He punched me in the penis! And it hurts!”

I had to bite my lip and then leave the room for a moment. I admit it. I silently chuckled behind the kitchen wall while I heard him cry to Titan about his injury. I did. I only came back into the room when I had composed myself and wiped the grin off my face.

It’s sad to say, but Monkey had it coming. He really did. He likes to push Prince Charming’s buttons and he knows exactly what to do to get a colossal reaction. We never want either of them to hit, but I think a point was made in that moment. Don’t mess with Grumpy Badger when you have pissed him off.

After that incident, I reintroduced the protective cup to Monkey. I figured it was the perfect moment, especially because his next karate class was the following afternoon. He seemed excited to try it out!

He got home from school the next day and I had him change into his karate gi. I took back out the cup and explained to him how to wear it. It looked humongous and I had no idea how he was even going to sit while wearing it. It struck me as comical.

It’s almost as if I somehow turned into a silly, giggling teenage boy in that moment. Everything just became funny. I know, I know. I may have potentially given him emotional scarring...but thankfully, I don’t think I did. He ended up catching my case of the giggles and he laughed right along with me.

He’s so skinny that the straps that go along the back of the cup just hung from his backside. He had saggy straps. Again with the laughter. Bad mommy!

Once it was on, he resembled Zohan. You remember that character that Adam Sandler played? Oh boy. Biting my lip didn’t help. More laughter. I am so bad.

Adam Sandler in You Don't Mess With the Zohan

Then, as we tried to get his pants on, the waistband wouldn’t budge over the mound of the cup. I was almost in tears with my laughter as I tried to untie his drawstring and loosen the pants up enough to get them on. Thankfully, Monkey was still laughing with me.

We got the pants on and started to tie up the gi and the belt when he decided he had to go to the bathroom. Of course. Of all the luck! I’m dying now at the absurdity of the whole thing. I helped him get out of his outfit and he waddled in to the bathroom. I gave him a moment of privacy to get back into his cup and his pants.

After a minute or so, I walked by his room to check on his progress. He was standing there naked except for his cup, actively punching himself in the groin. I mean, he’s wailing on himself. I opened the door, surprised at what I saw.

With a beaming smile he said, “I can’t feel the punches! It doesn’t hurt one bit!”

And, I lost it again. Between my peals of laughter, I redirected him to put his clothes on and stop punching himself.

He was so happy, he was literally bouncing around the house. He enjoyed wearing his cup to karate and the boys all had their moments of pretending to be hurt and rolling around the floor in fake groin pain. I was the only mom there that day, and the dads and I all had a good chuckle over our boys' antics. We even talked about that banner moment when a boy discovers the benefits of a protective cup.

Later that night as the boys got ready for bed, Titan saw Monkey running down the hall toward the bathroom, naked and in his protective gear. Thank God I didn’t see it, or I probably would have launched into another silly laughing fit. I know. Pathetic. But hilarious.

Titan told him he couldn’t wear his cup to bed, as he had hoped to do. Apparently the cup became his new favorite thing and he wanted to wear it all the time.

Monkey gave me a lot of laughter that day. It still makes me smile to think about it. I wonder when the novelty will wear off. In the meantime, I’ve learned that protective cups are fun for boys. And, funny for moms. Don’t judge me too harshly.