The need to punch someone

School started a few weeks ago and we are in the middle of the transitional time where the boys are getting used to their new schedule and they’re becoming acclimated to their new teachers and classrooms. It is always a challenge, but school is always such a welcome experience following the less-scheduled summertime.

Over the past couple of months I have noticed that the boys were starting to fight more. At first it was kind of cute in a way. This is because in the past they weren’t really interested enough in each other to spend the time and energy to play together, much less fight. Their autism experience meant they didn’t choose to have interactions with each other unless it was necessary.

As they began to have small arguments and sibling rivalry, I was excited for those neurotypical moments. In my mind, it was part of their development and they were learning what it meant to be brothers. They appeared to be going through something that all siblings go through when they just rub each other the wrong way simply because they live together in the same house day after day. I know what that’s like and so does everyone else out there that is not an only child.

Their fighting became more intense as the summer continued, and it also became physical. It got so bad that at the end of summer it seemed that we were dealing with daily screaming matches, hitting or kicking that always led to someone getting hurt or brought to tears, and the eventual slamming of doors and yelling through the walls to continue the argument from their different rooms after I had to forcibly separate them when I couldn’t take any more.

In many regards, Prince Charming has been the instigator of most the fights. Although, Monkey is not innocent and often pushes all the hot buttons that quickly trigger his little brother. You would think that Monkey would just clock Prince Charming because he has been training in karate for a year now. But, what I found was that Monkey would often fall victim to the aggression that came from Prince Charming when he had turned into a Grumpy Badger. Monkey wouldn’t defend himself and would eventually get hurt to some degree; but I’ve found that about half the time his “hurt” is for dramatic purposes in the hope that it will get his brother in trouble.

After a particularly rough week last week, I sat down with Prince Charming to have a talk about what had been going on between him and his brother. I had been thinking that some of the fighting had to do with his need for sensory input on his body (a.k.a. “proprioception”). He had been hitting his punching bag in his room a lot more recently, and I wasn’t sure if it was due to anger issues or sensory issues or both.

This is the punching bag
that Prince Charming uses.
He doesn't use the gloves.
(Affiliate Link)

We had a really nice chat, just the two of us, hanging out on my bed. I let him do most of the talking as I led with certain questions to try to open him up.

After a few minutes I asked him, “Honey, why do you keep hitting your brother?” 

The response I got was quite surprising.

“He makes a really great punching bag, Mommy.”

It struck me as funny and I immediately started to laugh. He got a case of the giggles because I was laughing, so we had a good chuckle for a moment.

Then I asked him, “What do you mean by ‘he makes a great punching bag’?”

“It feels good when I punch him.”

“So, do you like punching him to make him cry, or do you like the way it feels on your hand?”

“It feels good on my hand. He’s softer than my punching bag.”

“Oh, I understand! It makes your body feel good when you are hitting something, and hitting him feels nicer than hitting the punching bag.”

“Yeah.”

“I have an idea about something else you could do that might make you feel the same way but wouldn’t hurt your brother. Do you want to try it with me?”

“Yes!”

He got really excited. I demonstrated how he could put couch cushions on the floor and try to punch straight down to see if he could feel the floor through the cushion. He showed me that he’d like to try it a different way than I suggested, and he was happy to try it out.

When we are in the throes of a bad day because the boys are fighting incessantly and I feel like I’m at the end of my patience and ugly mommy is going to pay a visit, it is so easy to automatically go to the behavioral side of the equation. But, if I hadn’t been paying attention, I would have missed the clues he gave me about the fact that his sensory needs were not being met.

Obviously it isn’t okay for him to hit or hurt his brother, and there are consequences for his actions when it happens. But, it was more than that. And, that’s the point. As parents of children with autism, we need to keep our eyes, ears, and minds open to the possibility that there is more going on than what we see in front of us. If we can seek clues that lead to the function of the behavior, we will be able to better work with our children in guiding them to a more appropriate outcome, and it will also help us keep our sanity intact for another day.

The rollercoaster of change

I try hard to be real with you. I try to be authentic. I’m not about giving you only the best version of myself and my kids. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you probably know that I keep things fairly eclectic. I go from serious topics to recipes to humor to a myriad of other things, and I try to keep things light whenever possible. Humor is one of the best coping tools I’ve got.  

I’m going to be honest.

I’m struggling.

I work hard at many things. In order to keep my head above water and not be overwhelmed by everything going on in my life, I put on an exterior of positivity and confidence. It’s not a cocky thing. It’s not a fake façade. It serves a purpose. You know, one of those “create your reality” trains of thought. I know I won’t do any good to myself or anyone else if I wallow in all of my problems, so I don’t. It’s a deliberate choice, and I think it works for me most of the time.

But, I’m struggling. I couldn’t fall asleep tonight because I couldn’t stop thinking about things, and the emotions were too intense to allow me to sleep. So, I got back up to write this post. Since I started this blog, I have found that writing posts can be quite therapeutic. It helps me process what’s going on in my life so that it somehow feels more manageable. Writing is another one of my coping tools.

While change can be good, it feels really scary right now.

Image Source

I was at a place where I felt our family was more stable with the boys’ behaviors, their schooling, and even our finances were starting to slightly improve. None of it has been easy. However, if our past is any indication, getting comfortable usually means change is about to happen. I never seem to see it coming. You’d think I’d be used to the rollercoaster effect by now, but I’m surprised every single time we crest the hill and come screaming down into a new challenge.

Spring has typically been a hard time of year for us, so I know I shouldn’t be surprised. Spring Break in particular has been a time of regression for my boys in the past. And yes, we are smack dab in the middle of Spring Break right now. I don’t know what it is about the “spring forward” time change, the plants blooming and growing, and things happening with my boys, but there is something there.

I learned very recently that Monkey is having some issues that are affecting him much more than I previously realized. I don’t think he deliberately tried to hide anything from me, but he just has a hard time communicating what’s going on when it involves emotions. It’s easier for him to suppress things than to talk about them, because talking about it makes him very uncomfortable.

Of course, then I have immediate guilt about being too distracted from my nonprofit work to notice if there had been any silent signals from him. It’s a mother’s job to know. Was I paying enough attention?

Monkey is a very complex individual. He is layered like an onion. I continuously find there is more going on with him than meets the eye. It’s just really hard to get some of his layers to peel back so that I can gain a better understanding.

I immediately reached out for some psychological assistance to discuss my specific concerns, and was able to get in to talk with someone highly regarded for their work with autism. Monkey had his first appointment on Monday – on the first day of Spring Break. Fitting, isn’t it?

I have no idea how we are going to pay for it. I just know he needs it.

At about the same time I was figuring out the issues with Monkey, I learned that Prince Charming is struggling socially at school. Since he started talking, this has not been a huge concern for me. He has been much more social than Monkey, and I didn’t think I’d need to worry about that so much with him. Well, I was wrong.

And, with Autism Awareness Month, this is one of the busiest times of the year for me in my nonprofit work. It’s the height of event season and I’ve been at a dead run for God knows how long. I’m exhausted. That’s why I’ve been scarce here on the blog, because I’m too tired to keep my eyes open long enough to type anything coherent for you to read.

In the past week my Grandma was placed on hospice. It was not unexpected, but it’s still hard to grasp. Her brain doesn’t seem to be failing her, but her body is. I am thankful that I was able to go down and see her again last week and have her video chat with the boys on my cell phone. She thought that was a hoot. I haven't yet figured out how to prepare the boys for her eventual passing. Frankly, I don't know how I will deal with it for myself either.   

Tonight I learned that my parents will likely be moving back out of state. They only came back to Washington about 2 years ago, after having missed a good portion of the boys’ childhood. It was such a blessing to have my parents back and involved in their lives again. I have no idea what I will tell the boys to make them understand why they are moving. I think it will have a huge impact on Monkey in particular, who is already struggling to talk about things that make him sad. Having his Grandpa and Grandma move away will be hard for him to process.

And, I’m sad for me. I will miss being able to pop by their house. I’ll also miss the big surprise we got every time they showed up at our door unannounced and the kids went wild with excitement. And, I’ll miss all of the coffee dates my dad and I would squeeze in when the kids were at school. The thought of all that going away in light of everything else simmering in the background was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

So, I'm struggling.

I know this stuff is small potatoes for a lot of people. I also know that there are much bigger problems in the world.

But, for tonight, I’m allowing myself to fall to pieces over all of the changes that I don’t feel ready for, so that tomorrow I can hopefully re-focus and press forward.     

 

Winter Vacation: the Good, the Bad, and the Best

We just got home from a short vacation to Oregon. On the first day, we visited with family in Eugene and then crossed over the mountains that night heading to our destination at the Eagle Crest Resort, just north of Bend. We spent the rest of our vacation gallavanting around central Oregon, visiting Redmond, Sunriver, Sisters, and Bend. We came home by way of the Dalles and the beautiful Columbia Gorge, which was a fun (and much less snowy!) drive back toward Washington. It was nice to get away for a few days, and here are some of the highlights of our trip.

Good: Seeing my Grandma, who was recently hospitalized with another bout of pneumonia. She got to open up our Christmas present to her and we got some nice pictures. We also got to see other family members and learned that the next day Grandma was well enough to be released from the hospital. We were so happy to learn she wouldn't be spending Christmas in the hospital!

Bad: Having to make our trip over the mountains with packed snow and ice on the road in the evening when it was pitch black with low visibility due to snow and wind.

Good:  Having new tires with good traction, eliminating the need for putting on chains while driving in snowy conditions.  

Bad: Running over what looked like a pile of snow in the middle of our lane, which was actually a solid chunk of ice that ended up breaking 2 parts under my car.

Good: Roads that were mostly devoid of cars, except for semi trucks, and still being able to drive my car after colliding with the ice block.

Bad: Getting stuck behind semi trucks with their chains on, keeping me from going over 30 MPH for endless miles. Then, due to the low visibility from snow spray off the trucks, running over some tire chains in the road that I couldn’t see until I was on top of them.  

Good: After already going over 30 miles since I collided with the ice, finally hearing a loud rattling sound coming from under my car which indicated that my car was somehow damaged (or possibly dragging the chains I had just run over!) and keeping me from driving further until I knew what was wrong.  

Bad: Needing to find a safe place to pull over in the middle of nowhere with good lighting and a store that was open late at night so we could try to find a way to fix my car.

Imagine this, only on the front of my car underneath between
the wheels, much less sticky, and with a very grumpy hubby
laying on the snowy ground with frozen hands. For more fun
with duct tape, visit the page where this image came from.

Good: Having a husband with ultra long arms that could reach far enough under my car while lying on the snowy ground in 10-degree weather, eliminating the need to dig out our jack and raise the car up to attempt to fix the car with duct tape.

Bad: After using half a roll of duct tape, figuring out that it doesn’t stick in really cold weather. It’s like using damp scotch tape and is essentially useless.

Good: Despite the delays, getting to our hotel safely without the duct tape coming loose. Prayer works!

Bad: Pulling out of our parking space at the hotel the next morning and having the duct tape immediately come loose.

Good: Taping the car back together again, only in 30-degree weather with dry ground in the daylight – a big improvement from the night before! And, finding a dealership with a collision center about 20 minutes away from where we were staying.

Bad: The dealership not having our car’s parts in stock.

Good: After getting the estimate, the repair guys gave us a free temporary fix that could last until we got home if the parts didn't come in before we left town. 

Bad: Having to wait 2 more days to fix our car and spending an unexpected $250. Ouch. 

Good: Not needing to file an insurance claim and knowing that it could have been MUCH worse for us in so many ways. And, the repair only took 30 minutes to complete.

Bad: Both boys coming down with a cold on the first day of our trip and not having any of our cold meds or a thermometer with us to monitor Prince Charming’s fever.

Good: The fact that both boys had great attitudes and dealt with their colds in stride, even while going on short day trips around central Oregon.

Bad: Having to maintain a gluten-free diet while away from home.

Good: Getting a room with a kitchen and being able to find gluten-free dining options wherever we went, thanks to Oregon’s “crunchy” personality and a free, helpful GF dining app on my phone.   

The Old Mill District, Bend, OR

Bad: Forgetting to bring melatonin for the boys to help them sleep due to the change in environment, and then needing to tediously monitor them while they went to sleep each night – a 2 hour process involving arguments between the boys and tears each night.

Good: Experiencing the quiet and calm of the small towns we were in, and realizing that shopping in cute little downtown shops was much more relaxed than what we might have experienced at home in the retail rush before Christmas.

Good: Finding eclectic treasures in quaint stores – some for our house, some for our taste buds, and a few Christmas presents mixed in for fun.

Good: Riding in a wagon pulled by a pair of Clydesdale horses while viewing the Christmas light display at our resort on a cold and crisp night.

The Superintendent took this picture!

Good: While on our wagon ride, discovering that I was sitting next to the Superintendent of Public Schools in the town we were staying in, and getting to talk with him about autism and services for special needs children in schools.

Good: For the first time ever while on vacation, not having a bathroom emergency with one or both of the boys!

Good: Surviving the end of the Mayan Calendar!

Good: Getting a reprieve from the sadness of recent events in our nation – in Connecticut and elsewhere.

Good: Watching The Polar Express in our hotel room while all cuddled on the couch together on a cold, snowy night.

Hanging out in our hotel room on a sunny, lazy morning.
Prince Charming was acting like a meerkat,
popping up from behind the couch cushions.

Good: Achieving a balance of seeing things and having fun while on vacation, but also building in some down time for relaxation.

Good: Except for the matter of the boys not feeling well and not having melatonin at night, they both had good attitudes almost the entire trip, including full days of driving both to and from our destination. A true holiday miracle!

Good: Driving home on a different route that was much less-traveled, fun to drive, and completely clear of bad weather.

Good: Avoiding a ticket by the skin of my teeth! A guy in a Prius was following me at my fast rate of speed and quickly got irritated when I suddenly slowed down after seeing a cop. I watched the cop pass me in the oncoming lane, take notice of my excessive speed, suddenly flip a U-turn in the middle of the highway, and pull in 3 cars behind me. The Prius somehow didn’t see it happen and quickly passed me out of his frustration at my reduced speed. He was pulled over less than 10 seconds later. Not getting a ticket when it was intended for me = best Christmas present ever.

BEST: Coming home to a clean house, our own comfy beds, and a huge bottle of melatonin.          

The saving grace of going back to school

When summer draws to a close and school starts again, I think what many of you do:

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

 

I crack up whenever I see this video!

How did your summer go? Did you survive? Did your children survive?

We did okay. Not great. Not horrible. Just okay. Prince Charming lost his ESY (extended school year) services. Monkey somehow managed to keep his ESY, although they cut his hours in half. I’m sorry, but 12 hours over an entire summer isn’t super helpful. Whatever. That’s another conservation for another day… We happen to love our ESY teachers, and something is better than nothing.

Last spring I found a local Groupon-type deal for a beginner’s karate class and thought it would be a perfect summer activity. It would be a good, healthy, and inexpensive way to add a routine to our summer schedule. At the beginning of summer Prince Charming was dying to go and Monkey would launch into tears at the mere mention of it. My how things changed once they started going to the class! Monkey enjoyed himself immensely and managed to earn his white belt. Prince Charming refused to participate and would launch into a meltdown at the drop of a hat. And, that’s one more conversation for another day…   

Despite summer preparations including a newly defined reward schedule, a list of expected behaviors, and lists/charts around the house for regular routines, the break from school was not easy. It never is. I did my best to set things and prepare so that the summer would be simple and straightforward, but life has a way of changing things up sometimes.  

In fact, we saw some significant regression over the summer with Prince Charming. The words, “I told you so” (directed to the school district in regard to their removal of services) come to mind. His sensory system became quite a bit more reactive, and I found myself needing to equip him with a sensory toolkit just to leave the house each day. We haven’t had to do things to that level in a quite some time and it was disheartening to see him react so easily and quickly escalate into meltdowns.

The boys also found their brotherly voices over the summer break. And by brotherly voices, I refer to their constant bickering, yelling, screaming, fighting, kicking, and general disdain toward one another. The silver lining to that cloud is that it is all very neurotypical behavior, so I had to remind myself of that as I could feel my head wanting to explode repeatedly.

As summer wore on, there was a general shortening of my fuse. At times I possess a large amount of patience; other times, well…not so much. I have been told by parents and professionals on various occasions that they are impressed with my patience and calm demeanor around my kids when they are acting up. I am no saint, that’s for sure.

I found myself getting irritated more quickly and the general noise level began to really bother me. My house has never been a quiet place, but during the summer ear plugs should be standard issue.

Needless to say, my nonprofit work and blog writing came to a grinding halt. You may have noticed I was almost completely absent here on Caffeinated Autism Mom during the summer months. Now you know why. I can’t write or work in a chaotic environment. My brain doesn’t function that way. I can only filter so much and then at a certain point I just can’t do anything productive.

During the summer I actually had my first migraine in years, and there were also a couple of multiple-day headaches thrown in there for good measure. At a certain point I became ugly mommy with a bad attitude that could raise her voice at the drop of a hat. I’m not proud of that. It’s not a shining moment for me at all.

I hadn’t truly realized how much my attitude had changed until one day things were particularly rough. The boys were bound and determined to fight like cats and dogs and I had simply had it. I was DONE. And, I yelled. Loudly. In no uncertain terms, I laid down the law and separated them. Since they obviously couldn’t be near each other without having a problem, I took away that choice for the afternoon.

Later that day in a quiet moment when peace had been mostly restored, Prince Charming came to sit with me and said that he was looking forward to school so that I wouldn’t be mad anymore.

Knife to the heart.

Within the same hour, Monkey told me that I needed a break. He then told me that when he and Prince Charming started back to school again he thought I would be happier. That effectively twisted the knife.

I felt as small as a gnat.

I took each of the boys aside and apologized for my behavior. I talked with them about why I was having a hard time and what they could do to help so that we could all be happier.

School started the next day. I did not do a celebratory dance or take a nap or eat a bucket full of chocolate. I felt sad. I was relieved for the quiet, but I was sad that our summer ended the way it did. I can’t fix it or make it better. I can only try to do better next time.     

I will tell you that I noticed an immediate shift in my demeanor. When the boys got home from school, I was eager to talk with them about their day. I was 100% clued in, sharing the moment with them and truly happy to hear all that they had to say. I could feel my blood pressure lower and my jaw un-clench. My joy had returned, and it only took one day with a 4-hour break from the boys to do it.

It really is the most wonderful time of the year.   

   

Wordless Wednesday: Fun with a box!

I bought Titan custom golf clubs last Christmas, because not only is he freakishly tall, he plays left-handed! He finally broke in his clubs last month. What was leftover was this enormously long box. As I think most everyone knows, boxes make the BEST toys! The boys took turns crawling inside, standing inside, scooting in and laying down, etc. Prince Charming actually loved the box so much he wanted to sleep in it. He found a blanket and made it into a pillow and then crawled inside and hung out quietly in there for a little while that afternoon. He enjoyed it immensely and later insisted that Titan and I allow him to put the box in his room so he could sleep in it that night. We did...and he did. :-) 

Wordless Wednesday: Hypnotic Moments

The boys are enamored by our screen saver! Our TV is set up as our computer monitor. When this screen saver comes on they will stand motionless and stare at it for several minutes straight.
Instant quiet is a true blessing!

Guest Post: The Oxygen Mask Project

I got a pleasant surprise recently. I was contacted by the folks at The Oxygen Mask Project. They read my Not-So-Caffeinated Autism Mom post about how I was starting to put myself back on the priority list again, and they wanted to share my post with their readers. Very exciting news, indeed!

I love the concept for their site and their Facebook and Twitter communities. If you're on Twitter, check out #yearoftheoxygenmask.

Here is a direct quote from The Oxygen Mask Project site that speaks to their mission:

Once upon a time, a group of special needs moms started talking about their lives. They talked about how devoted they are to their children and to making sure that their kids’ needs are met. But somewhere along the way, they had forgotten to take care of themselves.

To care for others, you have to take care of yourself as well. Too often, we feel guilty as parents when we take time to do something that is just for us. But it’s how we can keep giving our best to our children.

If you’re anything like me, you have put yourself last in order to try to be a good mother and wife. This is especially true when you are a hard core people pleaser with a slight super mom complex. And, it makes things even worse when you throw autism into the mix. Sound familiar anyone?

When was the last time you put on your oxygen mask and took a breath? Maybe you should take a moment today and do just that.

You should start by heading over to The Oxygen Mask Project to read my post! Show them some Caffeinated Autism Mom love. While you’re there, I know you’ll get some self-care inspiration. So, what are you waiting for? Go! Now!

Flashback Friday: Sensory-Friendly Room Makeover

As promised in my first blogiversary post this week, I am sharing some of my favorite posts from the past year. One post that consistently remained my most popular (until it got knocked down a few notches a couple of months ago) was when I described the sensory-friendly bedroom makeovers I did for my boys.

The room makeovers are just as popular with the neighborhood kids and friends from school as they are with my boys. There's something about a sensory swing that kids just love, no matter if they are neurotypical or not.

So, I hope you click over and read about what my husband and I did to make the boys' bedrooms more sensory-friendly. Maybe you'll get some ideas for your house! 

Click here and please enjoy.

Weird thoughts and nightmares

Something new has cropped up with Monkey over the past few weeks: nightmares. My husband and I have tried to figure out what prompted it, but we are at a loss as to when and why it all began, and how we can best help him through his fears.

An example of one of those evenings goes a little something like this:

After the kids have been put to bed and hubby and I are enjoying a quiet house with our feet up in the family room, a stealthy figure will appear in the darkness. It’s Monkey. He’s climbed out of bed and slipped down the hall to stand there looking at Titan until he is noticed. It always catches my husband off-guard, seeing a ghostly figure eerily staring at him in the shadowy darkness. When we finally see him and Monkey begins walking toward us, now without hesitation, I can already see the look of sadness on his face. I may even see the tears beginning to fall as he enters the room.

Of course, I immediately open up my arms to beckon him toward me and I say, “Honey, what’s wrong?” His response is always the same as he begins to openly cry and quickly crawls into my lap for an embrace. “I don’t know.”

Me: “Why are you sad?”

Monkey: “I don’t know.”

The crying continues while I hug him and stroke his head, and Titan and I look at each other for unspoken ideas of what to do next.

At some point while I calmly talk with him I am able to get him to reveal a snippet of his nightmare. Initially, that’s what we thought was going on. But instead of a true nightmare, we’ve discovered that he is having some sort of bad images and thoughts come into his mind as he closes his eyes to fall asleep. Thus, it makes him scared to close his eyes for even a few seconds, fearing that he’ll see those things.

Falling asleep has become a huge source of anxiety and he is unable to fully express what’s happening. Titan and I fumble along, trying to help him as best as we can without having all of the information. The saving grace is that these occurrences do not happen every night. But when they do, they are fairly upsetting and traumatic for Monkey.  

We have rephrased his experience as having “weird thoughts” or “yucky thoughts.” Our hope is that by convincing him that thoughts are easier to control than dreams, it will help alleviate some of his anxiety. Eventually, I hope the idea sinks in that he can change his weird thoughts to good thoughts.

So, we sit and rock in my chair, cuddling while I talk softly and help him stop crying. We talk about the particular yucky thought he had that night and how unlikely it is to actually happen in real life. I remind him that his bed is a safe place up high in his loft with railings all around, with a thick and cozy blanket, and a pile of stuffed animals to protect him. We talk about many things and I reassure him that he is safe and doesn’t need to worry or have weird thoughts.

In order to help him through his fear, I have come up with a plan for him. As with most children on the spectrum, having a plan in concrete steps is much easier to manage and internalize. Some of the options I have given him for his plan include his favorite activities and play to his strengths so that they are easy for him to remember and try.

Changing Names?

Over the summer my little guy earned some new nicknames. Right now I refer to him almost exclusively as Prince Charming. He truly is a charmer and he’s so dang cute that your cheeks ache from smiling at him. Now, there is his other personality… I call him Grumpy Badger for a reason. He has earned that name, for sure! He can be hell on wheels when he wants to be. It’s hard to believe that such opposite personalities can exist in one small body.

I noticed sometime during the summer that a new habit was developing. At first I thought it was a comfort thing or just a way for him to have fun, but I think ultimately it was a sensory thing for him. He began to sit with his legs pulled up tight against his abdomen, and then he would pull out his shirt over his knees. Once he pulled his arms inside his shirt, his body was encapsulated into one little mass. I’m sure there was some nice compression on his body, which probably felt good to his overactive sensory system.

It took me a while to figure out what prompted this new behavior, but then it hit me one day as he was tucking his head inside his shirt while dialoging some semi-familiar sounds. His speech was slowing down as he was forming himself into a small bundle and burying his head in his shirt. I realized that he was acting out a scene from the movie Wall-E when Wall-E was losing power and had converted back into a cube as he shut down.

Prince Charming had been making little noises here and there for a few weeks at that point, including the famous electronic, “E-va-ah” from Wall-E as he was trying to wake up Eve from when she was protecting the plant. He nailed the inflection and tone perfectly every time. His constant rendition of Wall-E reminded me of last winter’s obsession with Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam.

As the summer continued, I would occasionally refer to him as Wall-E when I saw him tucking himself into a little ball. He always quickly objected and then Monkey would pipe up with some comment reminding me that his name was actually Badger and not Wall-E. We would laugh over the nicknames and then continue on with our day until it happened again.

Then, one day I saw him in a little heap on the chair. His legs and arms were all tucked inside his shirt and he was in the process of also trying to get his head inside the shirt to form a perfect Wall-E cube. The difference was that he was wearing a green shirt that day. I was watching him wiggle around to get inside his shirt, and all of a sudden it popped into my head. “You’re my little Turtle, aren’t you?”

His head jerked up and he exclaimed, “Turtle? I’m not a Turtle!” I told him that he looked like a Turtle because he appeared to be hiding inside his shell, which was green. He laughed and told me I was silly. But, the funny thing is that he immediately came out of the Wall-E fantasy and began acting like himself again.

I tested the theory the next time I saw him withdraw into his shirt. “There’s my little Turtle!” His arms and legs flew out of his shirt and he immediately sat up straight. He was Prince Charming again, but with a funny look on his face like he didn’t know what to make of me calling him by a new nickname. I have since called him Turtle several more times and each time it snaps him back to reality. Hmmm. We may be onto something here…

Turtle, Wall-E, Grumpy Badger, and Prince Charming. Each of these names definitely fits my little boy. I wonder what the next one will be?      

Have you entered the giveaway contest yet? It ends on Friday the 16th! Check it out here!

Young boy with autism is handcuffed

I read this article and I couldn’t get it out of my head. It struck me how easily something like this could happen to my son or many other kids I know.

An 8-year old boy with autism had a meltdown on a school bus and was then handcuffed and taken to the local children’s hospital for a mental health hold. They kept the boy in handcuffs long after he had calmed down. The mother was not allowed to escort her son to the hospital and instead the boy was transported by the police.

So many things run through my head when I think once again about this story.  

First, this whole thing is so very sad. For the mom. For the dad. For the child. For autism parents like me. For everyone. It also makes me angry. Very angry.   

Second, can you say lawsuit? There are so many things that could have legal remedy here. Most importantly is the lack of proper IEP implementation.

Third, the meltdown trigger could be so simple that it’s tragic to see how the whole thing unfolded. The article mentioned that the boy required a special seat belt for his bus transportation. Have any of you, like me, ever seen the calming effect of a seat belt (like a 5-point harness) on a child in full-tilt meltdown? Could it be all about the sensory for this boy?

There were times when Grumpy Badger would be flipping out in public, and all I could do was remove him from the situation and go sit with him in the car (belted into his car seat) until he calmed down. Sometimes getting him belted in, despite his physical struggle, was the only way to stop the escalation of his meltdown.

Along the same lines, isn’t it also safe to conjecture that something as insignificant as a change in routine (like this boy not having his special seat belt on the bus that day) could cause a meltdown, particularly if there is a sensory component to it? I think it is very possible.

The idea that it all could have come down to a change in routine and an easily-identifiable sensory issue really gets me. Could it have really been that simple?

The parents concerns over this incident should be pondered very carefully by the school district. The mother questioned why the police “didn’t take the handcuffs off once he had calmed down.” Very good question, mom! I don’t think there will be any sort of acceptable answer to that one. The father said, “It’s humiliating and it’s inhumane. If you’re going to tell me that ten adults can’t handle a 40 or 50 pound child, then there is something wrong. He didn’t need to be in handcuffs.” Dad, your words ring very true to me!

I could go on and on about this, but I don’t think you need or want me to hammer the point home in extremely minute detail. I think it’s fairly obvious that I don’t like what happened to this 8-year old boy one bit. This child was improperly served by his school and the situation was dealt with in the wrong way. Plain and simple. I can only pray that I never have to experience something like this with my own children.  

What are your thoughts about this incident? Please share your comments below.  

"Seeing the green flash" on SPD Blogger Network

Happy Independence Day, everyone!

My post ran over at SPD Blogger Network today, so I wanted to share it with you. I wrote this one back in February, and it talked about how I was going through our nightly routine and a simple request from me turned into a full-tilt Grumpy Badger meltdown.

I hope you take a moment to hop over to SPD Blogger Network to check out my post.

Have a safe and happy holiday!

A sensory-friendly bedroom makeover

Last spring we chose to overhaul our boys’ bedrooms. We were having issues with them seeking sensory input in unsafe ways, and we needed them to be able to jump and crash safely. Also, due to the mood swings of my youngest, it was critical to provide built-in calming strategies. We decided to do a complete sensory-friendly bedroom makeover!

First we started with the color of the walls. We explored the psychology of color so that we could attempt to mirror the color with the outcome we were seeking. For Monkey we chose a medium blue, resembling the color of Thomas the Tank Engine. Blue is thought to be a color of serenity and calm. When Monkey isn’t in some sort of electronic toy-based coma, he tends to be on the hyper side of life, making it difficult for him to fall asleep. For Prince Charming we chose a medium green. It’s somewhere between Kermit the Frog and turquoise. Green is thought to relieve stress and promote harmony. Since our little Prince Charming can turn into a Grumpy Badger in a mere 2 seconds flat, this was a good thing to introduce into his room. Green is also thought to aid with reading ability. Prince Charming has had a rough road with learning to read and write, and we figured every little bit helps.

The most important feature of the room was centered on the idea of calming the sensory system. My boys always seem to immediately calm down when their Occupational Therapist would have them get into a Lycra swing to organize their bodies before an activity. How in the world could we get this magical swing into their rooms? We began looking for inspiration, trekking to places like Ikea. They had some really neat ideas, but nothing really clicked in the same way as hanging a homemade fabric swing. Then, we discovered how the whole room would take shape with one focal point – a loft bed.

A loft bed would address several things. First, it would give a sense of enclosure. In the past, I’ve seen Prince Charming playing quietly as he’s flat on his belly under his bed. Or, I’d see Monkey asleep on the floor, huddled in his blanket in the narrow space between his wall and the bed. They both craved the peaceful feeling of enclosure. With the raised side rails on the bed and its closeness to the ceiling, this would create a virtual tent for the boys. Also, the area underneath the bed is like a big fort, enclosed by support rails on 3 sides. We knew it would be a big hit for playtime. Second, the bed’s location close to the ceiling would help get the boys to sleep faster. It would no longer be an ideal place for play and would better serve its role as a place of relaxation and sleep. No jumping on the bed means sleep comes faster! Third, it served as the perfect solution for housing the Lycra swing, which could easily be suspended off the main support beams underneath the mattress.