Moving on

As any autism parent can tell you, change is hard. Our kids have a hard time transitioning or doing something outside of the routine. I’m here to tell you that change is also hard for everyone else, too.

This past weekend I worked my tail off to help prepare my grandma’s house for sale. It’s been a long time coming. Grandma fell and injured herself a couple of years ago. After a stint in a rehab facility, it became clear that it was no longer a good idea for her to live by herself.  

My grandma is almost 95 and she is healthy as a horse. She is also stubborn as a mule! By God’s grace, she still has her wits about her. I can only hope and pray that I will be the same way when I am her age…if I ever get there!

Since she moved in with my aunt about 2 years ago her house has been sitting vacant. Recently she decided she was finally willing to let the house go. I imagine it was very difficult for her because there are a lot of memories there. Out of all the grandkids, I think I spent the most time there and it was like my second home when I was growing up.

Going through all of her things was exhausting. Like many people her age, she was hesitant to throw anything away that could be useful, and she surrounded herself with knickknacks and pictures. Every so often I would stop and reminisce as something jogged my memory. My cousin and I would exclaim to each other, “Do you remember this? Wow!” We would shake our heads in disbelief as we walked down memory lane. It was really cool to uncover things we had long forgotten about or never even knew existed.

The one thing that made the weekend easier was the fact that grandma is still with us. Had we been going through her things after her passing, it would have been much more difficult. I was grateful for the opportunity to clean and organize her house without grief. It was also very enjoyable to gather together a few family members and friends of the family that are scattered around and work toward a common goal.  

Since it was a sunny weekend, the house was warm and it was really stuffy from being unoccupied for so long. We opened up all the windows and doors, cranked up the music, and got our groove on well into the night. All of the neighbors must have loved our shake-your-booty-and-sing-your-heart-out renditions of songs by the Village People, Milli Vanilli, the Bangles, and others. Poor neighbors. They are probably traumatized for life. Over 2 nights, I think we got about 5 hours of sleep total. By the end, we were hobbling around covered in dust and grime and completely sore and tired.

Gram's house is the epitome of 70's chic! Don't you love the green shag and orange furniture? You should have seen this room before we stripped it clean. We removed a couple of pieces of furniture, all the pictures off the wall, the tons of dried and silk flowers, and the knickknacks from every corner and surface. By paring down the room, it's the largest we've ever seen it. Who knew there was this much space? 

My cousin, uncle and I were feeling emotional over certain things we came across and things we remembered, but we did our best to hold our emotions in check. I think we all knew that if we allowed the floodgates to open they just would not stop. I somehow managed to hold myself together while I was in the house.  

On my way back home, I crossed the bridge over the river from Portland into Vancouver and that’s when I lost it. I was a wreck off and on for the rest of that night and the next day. Lord help me when the house actually sells. She’s the only grandparent left between my husband and I, and I don’t even want to think about when she goes to be with the rest of our grandparents in heaven.   

One moment that really sticks out in my mind from that weekend is when I stopped by the neighbor’s house to chat. As it turns out, they also have 2 boys diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I found myself in their living room chatting with them about autism, educational advocacy, and other related topics. Even though my hubby was home with our boys, it was like I was right back in my element.  

Once my grandma’s house sells, I will no longer have relatives in my old hometown. But, I will have community. I will have autism family. And that makes the change a little bit easier.

 

I think, therefore my head hurts.

There are a few posts I wanted to write in the past couple of weeks, but things have just not materialized. My mind is swimming right now with everything going on in my life.

I feel like I've been notably absent from the blog recently and I probably needed to at least check in and let you guys know I'm still here. I'm alive and kicking, but I'm always on the go! I barely have time to eat, much less write a witty, awesome post for you to read! Because, as you know, ALL of my posts are witty and awesome! (Did I just hear a retching sound somewhere?)

I have been so busy working on the nonprofit - having meetings, advocating, speaking, writing, event planning, thinking, reading, strategizing, organizing, creating and dreaming - that I've barely been home the past two weeks. Make that this month. Well, if I'm honest with myself, I've been at a dead run since the end of February. 

Last week I realized that in only a few more weeks, school is out for the summer. Talk about having a heart attack right then and there! How and when did this happen? I didn't give my permission for time to move this quickly! There is so much work to be done before the end of the year!

I just have to say that even though my schedule has been out of control and insane, I'm happy. I am 1,000% passionate about the work I'm doing, even though I'm not yet funded. I could not ask for a better or more supportive husband, and I have the world's greatest friend in Miss C. Without their support, the nonprofit work would be impossible.

And you know what? People are showing up. To participate. To volunteer. There are some really great people choosing to get involved with what I'm trying to do and help me create something worthwhile and valuable to the special needs community. That right there is astounding and humbling.

When the kids are out on summer break in only a few short weeks, my schedule will clear for the first time in months. Even though I dread summer break and what that transition will mean for my boys, I think there will also be a small sense of relief as well. The thought of slowing down long enough to catch my breath is kind of thrilling! Work will not cease, but the intensity will lessen. And, this is going to sound crazy, but I'm looking forward to doing some plain old filing! I also hope to finish organizing my nonprofit's office and finally getting the last of the stuff out of boxes and into their proper places. I think that will be a good summer project.

Something deep inside me tells me that I'm doing what I need to be doing, and it's happening at the right time. I am convinced that this is going to all work out somehow. Even though there are hurdles and obstacles, things will all fall into place. Personally I have a lot of fears and worries, but God is giving me a sense of peace. Doors have been opening and I am just walking through them. In fact, I can't wait for the next doors to open so that I can walk through them, too. Bring on the doors!

That's where I'm at right now. It's a good place. A bit nuts, but good.

For the final push into summer over these next few weeks, it will be hit or miss around here. I will try to post once per week (and I'll be pretty darn proud of myself if I do more than that!). I hope to see you back here early next week when I will feature a new giveaway. Be watching for that!



Flashback Friday: Clearing the clutter

Last year I wrote about a very big project: cleaning my office. I will admit that when I decided to start a nonprofit, the plans to finalize my home office went right out the window. I got pulled in some different directions and then began focusing on the more fun task of how I would organize my new office outside of my home.

It has been a labor of love. I am seriously addicted to office supplies and decorating new spaces. It was a joyous event to move in to my beautiful space. I feel very fortunate to have received such amazing space, and wanted my office to stay on the level of the rest of the newly-remodeled building. 

Guess what? I’m still technically moving into my new office, AND I’m still cleaning up my home office! My new office has been coming right along, piece by piece. It was almost unfathomable how much stuff I had collected over the past several years related to autism and special needs. Getting it all out of my home and into my nonprofit space was a relief. But, I am still cataloging all of my lending library resources, binders, files, and stacks of paper into some sort of sense. With the multiple book cases, filing cabinets, and various stuff, it continues to be a big task.

Last weekend I did some major catch up on my home office. I went through most of the rest of the boxes and sorted things. I was able to get a lot of it out of the room, and I am happy to say that most of the floor is now visible for the first time in a LONG time.

My boys are so proud of the progress that was made, they have been showing it off to people that visit our house. It feels good to know that I was able to make such an impression for spending only 2 afternoons going through old stuff.

There is more work to do, both at home and at my nonprofit's office. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be done. But, I’ll keep taking it one step at a time and continue working toward my goal of fully-organized, immaculate spaces. When everything is exactly the way I want it, I’ll be in such office bliss that I won’t ever want to leave!

Read all about how starting to clean my office last year brought back some joyful and painful memories, and how the entire process has been good for my soul.

What can you never seem to get organized?     

Flashback Friday: Tax day approaches!

In less than 2 months it will be Tax Day on April 15th. Have you even started gathering together your receipts yet? I spent quite a bit of time this past weekend working on updating all of my records. I was horribly behind in scanning my receipts into my software program. Once I completed that task and got to the nitty gritty of figuring deductions, my mouth dropped open when I learned how much I had spent in the past 6 months on getting my nonprofit off the ground. Holy cow do things add up quickly!

Are you aware of all of your deductions you can take that are directly related to your child's care,  like GFCF food, mileage to doctor's appointments, etc.? Do you volunteer for a nonprofit? You get to take that mileage, too! I know my volunteer mileage is at an all-time high!

I wrote a post last year about some great tools and tips for filing taxes when you have a child with autism or other special need. There are some great resources about deductions you should consider. Since tax time is getting closer, now is the perfect time to review some of this information. Maybe it will help you get a bigger refund!

Check out my post about tax deductions for autism!

  

Help wanted. Inquire within.

Who will the "winning" applicant be?

I have come to the conclusion that I need an Assistant. Maybe two. I’m talking like the Hollywood celebrity bring-me-a-grande-extra hot-split shot-6 pump-mocha-with-extra-whip-and-then-call-my-agent-to-schedule-a-meeting-with-Spielberg-ASAP kind of an Assistant. Why would I need someone like this to help me? Because my life is cuckoo crazy and it’s getting nuttier by the minute.  

Here is some of the normal stuff I encounter:

·       Monkey wanting to visit every car site on the internet, asking me every 2.4 seconds if he can build another custom car on a site that he hasn’t been on for, oh, 5 minutes.

·       Prince Charming insisting on emptying his K’Nex bin right in front of where I am going to walk and then turning into a growling Grumpy Badger when I ask him to pick it all up.

·       The endless piles of laundry that somehow, magically are cloned into bigger piles when I’m not looking.

·       The pit of despair formerly known as my kitchen – there’s a countertop under all those dishes…somewhere. We might need to get the search and rescue dogs to find a usable plate for dinner.

·       A hubby who has been pulling longer hours at work (not to mention working on the weekends), all for less than stellar pay. Being exhausted and cranky is getting to be his new normal. There certainly doesn’t need to be 2 of us like that in the same house at the same time for crying out loud.

·       Other stuff, like vacuuming and mopping. Do I even know where the vacuum is or if there are any vacuum bags? Do I even remember the original color of my floor tile under all of the dried on drips and dust?  

·       My most favorite thing in the whole wide world: cleaning the bathrooms. Not! How long has it been since the toilets have been scrubbed? I wonder if I could count the rings… Ewww.

·       Calling to complain to the insurance company for the 9 billionth time for yet another unpaid claim.

·       Paying bills. Ugh. The sad part about this is that you have to have this stuff called money before you can pay the bills. Don’t they know we don’t have any?

(Okay, just so you know, I actually keep my house fairly decent. If you were to come over you might not be as disgusted as I made it sound. You don’t have to freak out or call protective services on me. But, it could certainly be much better than it is…if I had the time or an excellent Assistant! Oh, and don't think I'm delusional enough to not realize that almost every single mom on the planet has similar houseshold responsibilities. We all could use a little help, right?)

And now there’s even more on my plate.

I recently mentioned how I have officially gone from kinda crazy to sheer lunatic. I’ve shared with you before that I have been running a support group for 3 years. Well, now I am running a nonprofit. Yes. I am. And yes, I’m nuts. Glad we could come to the same conclusion so quickly.

There is a need. I’m the kind of gal who has a very hard time saying no, especially to myself when I get an idea in my head. I had an opportunity to start something that could make a difference for others and I had to try.

Am I doing it for the riches? That’s hilarious! I’m unpaid. A perpetual volunteer. I hope someone somewhere decides to offer me a grant or some rich person holds an amazing fundraiser gala on my behalf, because this girl needs to put gas in her car…and coffee in her tummy. It’s medicinal. The coffee, that is. 

So, I need a highly qualified Assistant to help me maintain my life as the head of a nonprofit and a support group, a blogger, a mom, and a wife who doesn’t have enough time in one month to get done all I need to accomplish in one week.

The perfect candidate will help with household chores, such as: making coffee (see how that is first on the list?), cooking healthy and allergy-safe meals, scrubbing toilets, doing laundry, vacuuming, weeding the yard, mopping, filing paperwork, and making phone calls where it is expected to wait for an eternity before you speak to a human, and many other tasks as required.

The candidate will also help with business tasks, like: requesting and confirming speakers, managing multiple email accounts with thousands of messages in each, posting timely event information on multiple websites, filing, seeking grant funding, creating and facilitating a board of directors and parent committee, setting up workshops, marketing, website maintenance, editing blog posts, managing multiple Facebook pages, getting me started on Twitter, and zillions of other tasks as needed.

Oh, and let’s not forget the big bonus. The amazing person that fulfills these job requirements gets the same salary as me. Jackpot! Any takers?

A new chapter

This weekend I was a part of something wonderful and I wanted to share it with you. I’ve been running a support group for special needs families for almost 3 years now and have been doing it as a one-woman show pretty much the entire time. I have always been happy to do it because I know that the group is needed in my area, and frankly, I need the support for myself. Each meeting I get to connect with great people. No matter the diagnosis, we all share similar struggles. And, many of the attendees I can now call my friends. The whole thing is a true blessing to me.

The best part is that I have an opportunity to learn something new at each meeting. The speakers always have great information to share and I soak it up like a sponge. I have a desire to learn, not only for myself, but for the sake of my children. This should come as no surprise. I was always a nerdy kid and got really good grades. I even went back to college (before kids!) to get my Master’s degree because I thought it would be fun. I still get weird looks about that one, especially when people learn that it wasn’t to gain fame and fortune or an executive position somewhere. I just like school, I guess. Yes, I know I’m strange.

As an aside, I’ll tell ya what that fancy and very expensive degree got me in the job department...nada. Zip. Zilch. I’ve always found a job easily, but even with an MBA and an extensive job search in the past year, I got nothin.’

I am a self-proclaimed busy body and not having a job when our family could use some financial help is not my idea of fun. To make myself feel better, I always find ways to stay busy and do work (even if it is unpaid). Helloooo, can you say blogging? Anyway, I got to thinking about how I could create my own job doing what I love. I’ve found that my mindset has changed drastically since my boys’ diagnosis. My heart is truly in the special needs community now. It’s what I am passionate about. I mean, how can I not be passionate about something that affects me every single day?

Since I started the group I’ve met hundreds of people who have children with autism and other special needs. Not one person has had an easy time of anything. We all struggle and there are some significant needs out there. I have to say that my life is pretty darn easy compared to some people I know. I recognize that and I appreciate what I have. I also see it as an opportunity to do something when others might not be able to.

I began thinking that I should take my group to the next level.

Locking things up

Our new pantry lock.

About a week ago we did something I never thought we would have to do in our home. We locked up our food. You may recall me discussing some recent issues we’ve had with Monkey telling the truth. I wrote about it here and followed up on it here.

Anyway, I had been noticing some strange things happening. Items were being moved around in our kitchen cupboards and it seemed like we were going through food faster than normal. I had found some unexpected wrappers and food packaging in the trash a couple of days in a row and I knew that they didn’t come from me or my husband. So, I casually asked the kids about it. They both gave me a very sincere “I didn’t do anything” response. Due to the recent problems we’d been having with Monkey being dishonest, he was my top suspect.

Then one morning when I was in bed trying to justify smacking the snooze button on the alarm clock one more time, I heard some noises coming from the kitchen. I quickly threw on some clothes and tiptoed out into the hallway. Our floor tends to creak, so I stealthily crept along and tried to avoid giving myself away. I saw that Monkey’s door was open and I continued to hear noises from the kitchen. Good Lord, what was he doing? I peeked around the corner and saw him carefully opening up his vitamins bottles. Mind you, he had to climb onto the counter and stand up to reach the very top shelf where I keep them and then he had to open the childproof containers! (“Childproof” is obviously a completely ludicrous term because my kid has had them figured out for at least 2 years now.) He had the vitamin bottles on the counter with the lids off and had poured out a big pile of vitamins that he was shoveling into his mouth.

Organization is good for the soul

You may remember that earlier this month I laid out plans to tackle the paperwork monster – my office. Anyway, yesterday it got really emotional. Who knew that pieces of paper could hold such strong emotional attachment?

I spent about 3 hours working in the office, and I went through all kinds of things. I saw the very first drawing Monkey ever made. I also found about a half-dozen of his baby teeth, and marveled at his first attempts at writing. I glanced through paperwork from the hospital when he was born, along with the momento birth record signed by the doctor who delivered him.

There were well-baby visit records, with growth charts and little dots indicating where my boys fell on the curve. I found a large stack of immunization information sheets from when the boys got their shots. Wow. Reading through those with new eyes made me tearful at my own ignorance back then. Boy, did that get to me! Even now, it’s getting to me as I write this. Those were the days before I truly understood what autism was and what impact my choices would have on my children.

I even found the Christmas letter I wrote when I broke the news of the boys’ diagnosis to the family and our close friends. That was 2007. It was a big year. Monkey was 4 and Prince Charming was 2. I can’t even describe how little sleep I got while I was up at all hours cramming my brain full of information, trying to do something…anything to help my children. I was a slave to my car, chauffeuring them around to appointment after appointment, most of them a considerable distance from our house. There were receipts from classes I attended, and lots of progress notes from therapists. I rolled through that year like a freight train for sure.

I also found a handwritten letter from a relative who passed away a year ago, and I took some time to honor her memory. There was so much more to appreciate, digest, and filter through. All of it brought back a flood of memories, some good and some not so much.

I didn’t expect cleaning my office to be so emotional. I’m about halfway done now. I’ve filled my shredder more than 4 times, recycled about 4 boxes worth of paper, and packed up about 6 boxes. There’s still a lot to do. I’m getting there, slowly but surely.

Yesterday’s experience makes me wonder what other things I have yet to find. There are forgotten moments among the disarray, waiting to be rediscovered. I guess organization really is good for the soul.   

    

Digging myself out

Is there something in your life that you’ve neglected? Are you overwhelmed just thinking about it? My answer is “yes” on both counts. This pit of neglect is my office. You take your life into your own hands when you open the door. How do I go about dealing with this? A machete? Napalm, perhaps?

I really hate to admit this because it sounds awful, but my office has been slowly accumulating stuff for about, oh, 3 years now. Yes, I said years. How is this possible, particularly when I am one of the most organized people around? I can get downright anal-retentive about things! When I had a paying job, my desk was always the most organized in the entire place. My house is fairly nice and well-kept. My kitchen junk drawer is organized. Weird, right? 

Well, I’d love to have a functional office that doesn’t scare me when I open the door. It’s completely out of control. If I have to do acrobatics just to get to the bookcase, then there’s a problem. I realize that it’s time to deal with it and dig myself out of the pit. How? Well, I’ve thought it through and think I have some answers.

Are there areas of your life that need some help, too? Well, then come along with me and try the following steps. Maybe you can also dig yourself out.