In my last post I shared some tips on how to get your child to take their vitamins. At the end of that post, I alluded to some strategies for managing behaviors by setting up a supportive structure and reward system. I know it wasn’t very nice of me to leave you hanging like that, but I am now ready to extend a hand and get you off the cliff you’re hanging from. Without further adieu, let’s discuss some great ways to manage challenging behaviors.
Rules
If we didn’t have rules in our house, I think I would explode from all of the chaos. Most kids on the autism spectrum respond in some way to rules and boundaries. In fact, this can be an easy way to manage your household when you have a child who is strictly rule-bound. Setting clear rules of expected behavior is a first line of defense in keeping everyone in your household sane. Coming up with a list of rules to be enforced will differ depending on the age and development of the child. For the younger set, you might choose to designate one rule at a time, or make up a few rules with pictures that express the idea of the rule. For older children, you can involve them much more in the process. They can help make the list by writing rules on a piece of paper, decorating the paper with artwork, or even collaborating on ideas for what rules should be created.
When my kids were younger, I listed rules in very simple terms (3 words or less) and then added pictures for the benefit of my younger son who couldn’t read the words. For example, there was one that said, “Quiet voice” colored in green to indicate this was a desired behavior. Next to the words I placed a clip art picture of a smiley face with his index finger up to his lips as if he was saying, “Shhhh.” Then, below the green desired behavior I listed the undesired behavior, “No yelling” in red letters with a clip art picture of an angry face that appeared to be yelling. I went through this process for several behaviors that we were having problems with in our house. Another rule we had was, “Calm body” with its counterpart, “No hitting.” Now that my boys are a little bit older, we try to involve them more in the rule-making process. My husband and I always choose the first rule, which is whatever we deem as the most critical area of concern at the time. Then, each boy gets to choose several rules out of a list so that they feel like they have some control over their own daily destiny. Although some of the basic rules of the house apply to both boys, additional rules are customized for each child since they have different issues.
Rules can be literally anything you need to work on with your child, from simple things like eating at least one bite of dinner, to more complex behavioral problems specific to your child. What I have learned about kids on the spectrum is that you can tell them what NOT to do all day long, but they won’t know how to comply because you haven’t told them what they CAN do. By focusing the rules on the positive angle of what behaviors you expect, it’s easier for them to make the connection. Keep in mind, rules are never stagnant. They should change and grow with your children. Issues will come and go, and so should the rules. Be prepared to teach the rules consistently, but then also be willing to change them if they no longer fit the situation.
