The need to punch someone

School started a few weeks ago and we are in the middle of the transitional time where the boys are getting used to their new schedule and they’re becoming acclimated to their new teachers and classrooms. It is always a challenge, but school is always such a welcome experience following the less-scheduled summertime.

Over the past couple of months I have noticed that the boys were starting to fight more. At first it was kind of cute in a way. This is because in the past they weren’t really interested enough in each other to spend the time and energy to play together, much less fight. Their autism experience meant they didn’t choose to have interactions with each other unless it was necessary.

As they began to have small arguments and sibling rivalry, I was excited for those neurotypical moments. In my mind, it was part of their development and they were learning what it meant to be brothers. They appeared to be going through something that all siblings go through when they just rub each other the wrong way simply because they live together in the same house day after day. I know what that’s like and so does everyone else out there that is not an only child.

Their fighting became more intense as the summer continued, and it also became physical. It got so bad that at the end of summer it seemed that we were dealing with daily screaming matches, hitting or kicking that always led to someone getting hurt or brought to tears, and the eventual slamming of doors and yelling through the walls to continue the argument from their different rooms after I had to forcibly separate them when I couldn’t take any more.

In many regards, Prince Charming has been the instigator of most the fights. Although, Monkey is not innocent and often pushes all the hot buttons that quickly trigger his little brother. You would think that Monkey would just clock Prince Charming because he has been training in karate for a year now. But, what I found was that Monkey would often fall victim to the aggression that came from Prince Charming when he had turned into a Grumpy Badger. Monkey wouldn’t defend himself and would eventually get hurt to some degree; but I’ve found that about half the time his “hurt” is for dramatic purposes in the hope that it will get his brother in trouble.

After a particularly rough week last week, I sat down with Prince Charming to have a talk about what had been going on between him and his brother. I had been thinking that some of the fighting had to do with his need for sensory input on his body (a.k.a. “proprioception”). He had been hitting his punching bag in his room a lot more recently, and I wasn’t sure if it was due to anger issues or sensory issues or both.

This is the punching bag
that Prince Charming uses.
He doesn't use the gloves.
(Affiliate Link)

We had a really nice chat, just the two of us, hanging out on my bed. I let him do most of the talking as I led with certain questions to try to open him up.

After a few minutes I asked him, “Honey, why do you keep hitting your brother?” 

The response I got was quite surprising.

“He makes a really great punching bag, Mommy.”

It struck me as funny and I immediately started to laugh. He got a case of the giggles because I was laughing, so we had a good chuckle for a moment.

Then I asked him, “What do you mean by ‘he makes a great punching bag’?”

“It feels good when I punch him.”

“So, do you like punching him to make him cry, or do you like the way it feels on your hand?”

“It feels good on my hand. He’s softer than my punching bag.”

“Oh, I understand! It makes your body feel good when you are hitting something, and hitting him feels nicer than hitting the punching bag.”

“Yeah.”

“I have an idea about something else you could do that might make you feel the same way but wouldn’t hurt your brother. Do you want to try it with me?”

“Yes!”

He got really excited. I demonstrated how he could put couch cushions on the floor and try to punch straight down to see if he could feel the floor through the cushion. He showed me that he’d like to try it a different way than I suggested, and he was happy to try it out.

When we are in the throes of a bad day because the boys are fighting incessantly and I feel like I’m at the end of my patience and ugly mommy is going to pay a visit, it is so easy to automatically go to the behavioral side of the equation. But, if I hadn’t been paying attention, I would have missed the clues he gave me about the fact that his sensory needs were not being met.

Obviously it isn’t okay for him to hit or hurt his brother, and there are consequences for his actions when it happens. But, it was more than that. And, that’s the point. As parents of children with autism, we need to keep our eyes, ears, and minds open to the possibility that there is more going on than what we see in front of us. If we can seek clues that lead to the function of the behavior, we will be able to better work with our children in guiding them to a more appropriate outcome, and it will also help us keep our sanity intact for another day.

Did Daddy Have Cancer?

Last night we went on a family walk as the sun was setting. Near our house there is an area that was under development and was quickly abandoned as the housing market fell apart in recent years. There are sidewalks and trees, and it is set back from the main road. It makes for a serene, enclosed space that lends itself well to family time. We have had some excellent walks there on the long summer nights, and it’s a great place for the kids to get their energy out before bed.

Just before we left our house to take a walk, I had been watching a documentary on Netflix called “Dying to Have Known” about cancer treatments and whether or not the Gerson therapeutic approach can improve health and cure cancer. It was interesting to me because of my husband’s experience with lymphoma back when our boys were very little.

As I expected, when the boys heard the TV, they came out to check what I was watching in case they were missing something. They ended up watching almost the entire last hour of the documentary with me. I have no idea what piqued their interest, but I was glad to have their company. I figured, if nothing else, it might give them reason to ask me questions. Unlike most neurotypical kids, my boys don’t seem to ask a lot of questions, and I have to really make a concerted effort to have these kinds of interactions with them.

So after the movie concluded, we left for our walk. As we got underway, I was recounting part of the documentary to Titan, who missed most of the movie. I briefly spoke about how the work of Dr. Gerson* and Dr. Burzynski* are not viewed favorably in the mainstream medical community, much like how “alternative” autism treatments such as the GFCF diet are viewed with the same disdain, despite a lot of evidence about their efficacy. (*The documentaries, “The Gerson Miracle” and “Burzynski” can be instantly viewed on Netflix.)

I was reminding Titan about how his doctor got upset when he lost weight by eating raw foods, taking supplements and juicing while he was undergoing chemotherapy. The doctor was concerned that his weight loss would make him sicker from the chemo. 

Monkey interrupted us and asked who we were talking about.

“I’m talking about Daddy.”

“Oh. Wait… What? Why was the doctor upset with him? Was he sick?”

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“Yes, Daddy was sick a long time ago. The doctor didn’t like what we were doing to help Daddy’s body stay strong during his treatment. But, Daddy’s better now, so everything is fine.”  

“What was wrong with Daddy?”

“Well, he had cancer. He doesn’t have it anymore. He’s okay.”

I could see the wheels turning in his mind as he remembered the movie we had just watched and all of its talk about cancer. I could see it was troubling him and he started to walk slightly faster so that he could avoid me seeing his face. He tries to cope with emotions by avoiding eye contact because it gets very uncomfortable very quickly for him.

I’ve often heard people say that those with autism have dulled emotional responses, but from my experience I can tell you that I believe that sometimes the surge of emotions can be overwhelming and they are responding in those ways due to a feeling of chaos and lack of control. I think people with autism may feel even more emotion than you or I, and they simply can’t handle the way it makes them feel. Monkey will do whatever he can to avoid emotion, but sometimes it can hit him very, very hard. So, I respected the subtle nonverbal clues he was sending me about how the subject of his dad having cancer was difficult to process.

“Did Daddy really have cancer? What kind of cancer was it?”

“Yes, he did. He had lymphoma.”

Titan jumped in and asked Monkey if he could remember the scar on his body, and told him that the scar came from a surgery where they removed his tumors. He also talked about the blue tattoo dots on his chest that were used to align the radiation machine.

“How old was I when this happened?”

“Well, your brother was a baby…about 6 months old. You were 2 years older than that. You were really young, which is why you don’t remember any of this. We haven’t really talked about it with you because it happened a while ago. Daddy is fine now. So, please don’t worry.”  

“Okay.”

His pace slowed back down a little bit as his emotions began to calm. I figured the door was open, so maybe we should expand the conversation.

“You know you can ask me a question about anything whenever you want, right? Is there anything that you want to ask me about right now? Maybe about Daddy, or autism, or something else?”

“Yes. Why am I allergic to wheat?”

I explained to him that his food allergies are something he was born with, much like my allergies to pollen, and that the special diet is helping his body and brain. I also told him that the allergies are part of his autism and that when he is on the diet, his autism is better. This, obviously, led to the next question…

“Will I have autism and food allergies for the rest of my life, or will they be cured?”

I told him that much like with cancer, some people can get better and some do not, and that this can also apply to things like autism and food allergies. Some people have to stay on a special diet for their whole lives, and that we didn’t know yet if that was the case for him or for his brother. We talked about how the diet has helped his body, his brain, and his autism, and that he needed to stick with it for a while longer.

We talked for several more minutes and I tried to involve Prince Charming as much as I could. I made sure to specifically ask him if he had questions about his autism or anything else. He understands that he has autism, but gets easily confused about the fact that autism is a condition that affects his body and brain, and that it isn’t something more concrete like a local event we have called Autism Day. So, I talked with him about how some kids have autism and some don’t, and reminded him about how we like to visit and play with our friends that have autism at some of the special events we go to.

I know that in time his understanding will expand. All I need to do is keep talking with both the boys and encourage questions in those distraction-free times, such as family walks in the evening.

How do you talk with your kids about autism?          

The joy and anguish of flying a kite

After the school year ended we took a much-needed mini vacation, which ended up being a small family reunion. My mom had just been recently released from the hospital. My brother flew out from Colorado and my dad rented a beach house on the Oregon Coast for all of us. It was a nice time to gather together and just be a family for a few days.

Part of the trip we were dodging rain drops, and this was a picture I captured one evening as I enjoyed the view of the sunset over the ocean from our rental.

The boys had a huge fascination with the stairs, since our home is single level. They kept running up the stairs and sliding down them head first. They had tons of fun!



And then, there was the sleeping loft. It was a match made in little boy heaven. They got their own cool sleeping space that gave them an awesome view of what was going on downstairs.

And, when you have a really tall daddy like Titan, this is what happens when little boy feet are dangling through the railing...

I found my dad and Monkey hanging out in the sunshine one afternoon in the back yard.

And, after about 20 minutes of carefully negotiating our extremely sensory-sensitive Prince Charming into the water of the hot tub, I was able to capture this gem before I climbed into the water with the boys.

I love the Oregon coast. It is so picturesque.

 

And, now we get to the heart of our story.

In anticipation of our beach trip, I had purchased new Angry Birds kites for the boys. They had never had a very successful kite-flying experience before, so we were eager to test the new kites' ability to catch the wind.

After a quick tutorial with a short line, the boys practiced near us and ran around in circles. They had a lovely time. Titan then showed them that they could let the line out more and watch it fly higher. All they had to do was run to keep it in the air.

And that is when it went horribly wrong.

At first, I was enamored by the sheer joy on their faces. It was an astonishing moment of freedom for them. They were running with excitement and happiness. I didn't want the moment to end and was rapidly taking pictures of them to capture this milestone. I was able to watch their fun easily through the zoom lens of my camera.

I put the camera away for a moment to chat with Titan, and that's when it happened. We both realized exactly how far down the beach the boys had gone. And they continued to run, without stopping. They did not glance back once. Monkey was in the lead and Prince Charming was just trying to keep up with his brother.

Titan and I left my dad and brother behind as we scrambled down the beach as fast as we could through the sand. Each moment we traveled, the further and further away they got. After chasing them for what was likely ten minutes (that seemed like an eternity), the wind must have shifted, because Prince Charming managed to hear one of my bellows.

He stopped and looked back. Monkey was still running at full speed.

I used exaggerated body movements and sign language to tell Prince Charming that he needed to get his brother and come back to us. He seemed to understand, thank the Lord.

He ran off to catch up to his brother and started yelling his name. Monkey was far enough away he didn't hear him. Titan and I continued toward them, but knew that neither could hear us. After a few more minutes, Prince Charming managed to get close enough to Monkey to get his attention, and he finally looked back toward us.

Titan and I were wildly signaling with our hands to come back. He saw us. Both of the boys started heading back in our direction. Thank God. I never made it down the beach as far as Monkey did, and I swear to you it was probably at least a mile away from where we had begun. Looking back down toward our starting point, my dad and brother were barely distinguishable as dark specks on the sand.

When the boys made it back to us, we quickly reeled in the lines on their kites and had a stern chat with them. The long walk back was spent in silence. There were no smiles. No more joy.

It was a shame. They had no cares in the world as they ran along the beach, loving their kites, the wind, and the sun. What was a blissfully happy moment for the boys became something entirely different. Their freedom escalated into our intense worry over their safety, and our recognition that they lacked understanding of possible consequences.

After we re-joined the others and the boys settled into looking at rocks, I quietly excused myself. As I walked up the hill to the car, the tears began to fall behind my sunglasses. I stifled my sobs until I got into my car, and then I let it all out.

This was not the first time Monkey had wandered away with no regard for safety. One time he was brought back to us by the police after being missing for almost an hour with a full-fledged neighborhood search underway. It was a horrific experience I never wanted to repeat. Talk about a flashback.

It had been a few years since we had dealt with his complete disregard for safety concerns. Titan and I thought this portion of our autism experience was finally behind us. That hope was immediately crushed as I reflected on what had just happened with the kites and what could have been, had we not been able to get Prince Charming to hear us and understand that he needed to get his brother's attention. With Monkey's high level of endurance, rate of speed, and sheer distance he had on us, there is no telling where he could have ended up before he stopped.

I was snapped back into the reality of autism.

As I cried in the car, I wondered if any of it would ever actually be behind us. The rollercoaster of the boys doing well then not doing well, improving and regressing...it's all so exhausting as so many things in so many areas of their lives can be affected.

It made me ponder the big picture. What will the future hold for my children? It can seem so uncertain from day to day. I always hope for the best, but you can't help but go through worst-case scenarios in your head. Will my planning 20 steps ahead for things ever stop? Will my boys ever lead a "normal" life? I guess I have less certainty of that than I thought I did.

A day that started with so much joy, ended with anguish.

As we checked out of our rental that morning and went down to the beach one last time to fly kites before we left town, I certainly didn't expect our vacation to end on that note. And, I doubt I will ever look at a kite in the same way again.          

It could always be worse!

This is what I told myself in the midst of doctor-visits-and-medical-mystery-a-palooza over the summer.  

It could always be worse!

Everything seemed to go cuckoo with the boys’ health toward the end of the summer. Nothing was clear cut about their situation, and no one seemed to know what was going on.   

The boys both had weird skin lesions that developed a few days after coming back from a camping trip. We did everything humanly possible to figure out what could be going on. Was it contact allergies? Were they bug bites? Was it some other condition? We had no idea and neither did the doctors. And after several days, when Monkey seemed to be getting better, Prince Charming was much worse and literally swelling before our eyes.

No one could tell us what was going on. The pediatrician didn’t know. The doctors at a second clinic didn’t know, even after 3 hours of them talking, researching and conferring with other doctors in the practice. No one knew.

Even after 10 (yes, TEN!) vials of blood taken between the boys for tons of tests, no one knew. (Getting the blood draw is a whole other story that requires consumption of a stiff drink – or several – before I am able to speak about it…)

The skin issue remains a mystery to this day, but thankfully the rashes are now gone. After about a week of not knowing what to do, making lots of phone calls, visiting various doctors, and doing endless research on the internet, I figured out a simple cure without any help from the doctors.

The secret is activated charcoal! I stuck a little pile of charcoal on top of the lesions and covered them with a bandage overnight. By morning my swollen Prince Charming was much less puffy. It was a messy miracle that took about 2 days, cost all of 3 bucks, didn’t hurt, and didn’t have any side effects. I wish I had figured it out sooner!

In and among the mystery skin issue, we were also dealing with some additional symptoms and concerns in Monkey. Cardiac symptoms.

Yes, you heard that right. In particular, tachycardia. If you are not sure what tachycardia is, it’s when the heart rate becomes accelerated for no apparent reason.  

You could have knocked me over with a feather when we figured out he was having heart issues. It was so unexpected.

When it first started happening, we thought it might have been an upset stomach, possible cold/flu, or even food poisoning. I was starting to feel like I was on Dr. House’s team with all of the research and differential diagnosis I was attempting.



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Each time Monkey would get his strange symptoms he seemed to recover quickly (within minutes or hours). There was only one time that his symptoms lasted for more than a day. He never developed any other symptoms of illness. It seemed strange that he apparently kept coming down with something but then the sickness never materialized. We knew something was up.

It was by accident that I figured out his heart was racing. From that point forward, we began documenting all of his symptoms and even found an app for our smart phones that would monitor heart rate. Then we got in to see a pediatric cardiologist.

Never in my wildest dreams did I expect one of my children to have a need for a cardiologist!

She sent us home with a portable heart monitor that we used to record any incidences as they occurred. Monkey was still being monitored when school started, so then I had to have a long discussion with the school nurse and his teacher to go over the details of the heart monitor in case he had tachycardia at school. What fun.     

After all of that, and a couple of visits to the naturopath, we still have a lot of questions about the boys’ health issues over the summer. We don’t know exactly what happened with either of them. We don’t know if the skin issues were related to the cardiac issues. We don’t know if any of the symptoms will come back.

The cardiac symptoms began going away once I started on a supplement protocol given to us by our naturopath to help Monkey’s immune system, focusing heavily on natural anti-virals. I did that for two weeks and as a result he stopped having his cardiac episodes.

We had a follow up appointment with the pediatric cardiologist to go over the heart monitor results. I reported the information about the naturopath’s treatment protocol and how the episodes tapered off and then stopped. Much to my surprise, she told me that since the naturopath’s protocol seemed to work, I should immediately begin doing it again in the future should Monkey’s episodes return.

What? A mainstream medicine person agreed with my naturopath and that natural methods worked and should be used again? I was happily shocked. Usually, information like this is met with disdain in the traditional medical community.

In our first visit with the cardiologist, she said there was a chance that his heart symptoms were being caused by some kind of virus. We were never able to pinpoint an exact virus from the myriad of tests run with the blood draws. So, she felt that success of the anti-viral supplements through our naturopath proved that Monkey’s heart issue was definitely being caused by some unknown virus. And, it could happen again. So, I will keep anti-viral supplements on hand for such an occasion.

All of this is to say, that during this time of health uncertainty, I really felt the stress of not knowing what was wrong and feeling helpless to fix it. Keeping that in mind, I know that it can always be worse.

Someone else always has a worse situation than you.

I better understood that I should not take my boys’ good health for granted. They have come a LONG way in their journey with autism and are much healthier than they were when they were younger! We have made a lot of changes, including the GFCF diet and proper supplementation. My boys are better because of it. I recognize that my life is much different now than it otherwise would have been had things not changed and I hadn’t been open to visiting a naturopath and doing other sorts of non-traditional treatments.  

During this time of concern over the summer, I really began to think of everyone I know that has dealt with things far worse than I can even imagine as a parent. I have friends who have children with Down syndrome that have dealt with multiple heart surgeries in their babies. I have another friend who had a child born with a significant heart defect, and right after her baby had a procedure to essentially re-build his heart, their apartment burned down and they lost everything while their son was recovering in the hospital. I have friends who have children with autism that cannot speak and still wear diapers at ages 8, 10, or even 16.

I can think of tons of examples of families that have a different experience with their child, and in my mind and my own experience it seems almost too difficult to imagine. What I’ve dealt with in my own boys is much more challenging than many of my friends have had with their children. But, we all deal with the cards we are dealt.  

We all have different experiences, challenges and triumphs. All we can do is try to do the very best we can in each moment of crisis or moment of joy. The boys’ health scares over the summer really brought that into focus for me.

I am so thankful for everything with my boys. Even though things have been hard in many ways, they’ve also been so wonderful in others. I am grateful for the path we are on, despite the twists, turns and brick walls along the way. I am also keenly aware that it could always be worse, and I’m exceedingly glad that today is a better day.    

The saving grace of going back to school

When summer draws to a close and school starts again, I think what many of you do:

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

 

I crack up whenever I see this video!

How did your summer go? Did you survive? Did your children survive?

We did okay. Not great. Not horrible. Just okay. Prince Charming lost his ESY (extended school year) services. Monkey somehow managed to keep his ESY, although they cut his hours in half. I’m sorry, but 12 hours over an entire summer isn’t super helpful. Whatever. That’s another conservation for another day… We happen to love our ESY teachers, and something is better than nothing.

Last spring I found a local Groupon-type deal for a beginner’s karate class and thought it would be a perfect summer activity. It would be a good, healthy, and inexpensive way to add a routine to our summer schedule. At the beginning of summer Prince Charming was dying to go and Monkey would launch into tears at the mere mention of it. My how things changed once they started going to the class! Monkey enjoyed himself immensely and managed to earn his white belt. Prince Charming refused to participate and would launch into a meltdown at the drop of a hat. And, that’s one more conversation for another day…   

Despite summer preparations including a newly defined reward schedule, a list of expected behaviors, and lists/charts around the house for regular routines, the break from school was not easy. It never is. I did my best to set things and prepare so that the summer would be simple and straightforward, but life has a way of changing things up sometimes.  

In fact, we saw some significant regression over the summer with Prince Charming. The words, “I told you so” (directed to the school district in regard to their removal of services) come to mind. His sensory system became quite a bit more reactive, and I found myself needing to equip him with a sensory toolkit just to leave the house each day. We haven’t had to do things to that level in a quite some time and it was disheartening to see him react so easily and quickly escalate into meltdowns.

The boys also found their brotherly voices over the summer break. And by brotherly voices, I refer to their constant bickering, yelling, screaming, fighting, kicking, and general disdain toward one another. The silver lining to that cloud is that it is all very neurotypical behavior, so I had to remind myself of that as I could feel my head wanting to explode repeatedly.

As summer wore on, there was a general shortening of my fuse. At times I possess a large amount of patience; other times, well…not so much. I have been told by parents and professionals on various occasions that they are impressed with my patience and calm demeanor around my kids when they are acting up. I am no saint, that’s for sure.

I found myself getting irritated more quickly and the general noise level began to really bother me. My house has never been a quiet place, but during the summer ear plugs should be standard issue.

Needless to say, my nonprofit work and blog writing came to a grinding halt. You may have noticed I was almost completely absent here on Caffeinated Autism Mom during the summer months. Now you know why. I can’t write or work in a chaotic environment. My brain doesn’t function that way. I can only filter so much and then at a certain point I just can’t do anything productive.

During the summer I actually had my first migraine in years, and there were also a couple of multiple-day headaches thrown in there for good measure. At a certain point I became ugly mommy with a bad attitude that could raise her voice at the drop of a hat. I’m not proud of that. It’s not a shining moment for me at all.

I hadn’t truly realized how much my attitude had changed until one day things were particularly rough. The boys were bound and determined to fight like cats and dogs and I had simply had it. I was DONE. And, I yelled. Loudly. In no uncertain terms, I laid down the law and separated them. Since they obviously couldn’t be near each other without having a problem, I took away that choice for the afternoon.

Later that day in a quiet moment when peace had been mostly restored, Prince Charming came to sit with me and said that he was looking forward to school so that I wouldn’t be mad anymore.

Knife to the heart.

Within the same hour, Monkey told me that I needed a break. He then told me that when he and Prince Charming started back to school again he thought I would be happier. That effectively twisted the knife.

I felt as small as a gnat.

I took each of the boys aside and apologized for my behavior. I talked with them about why I was having a hard time and what they could do to help so that we could all be happier.

School started the next day. I did not do a celebratory dance or take a nap or eat a bucket full of chocolate. I felt sad. I was relieved for the quiet, but I was sad that our summer ended the way it did. I can’t fix it or make it better. I can only try to do better next time.     

I will tell you that I noticed an immediate shift in my demeanor. When the boys got home from school, I was eager to talk with them about their day. I was 100% clued in, sharing the moment with them and truly happy to hear all that they had to say. I could feel my blood pressure lower and my jaw un-clench. My joy had returned, and it only took one day with a 4-hour break from the boys to do it.

It really is the most wonderful time of the year.   

   

Moving on

As any autism parent can tell you, change is hard. Our kids have a hard time transitioning or doing something outside of the routine. I’m here to tell you that change is also hard for everyone else, too.

This past weekend I worked my tail off to help prepare my grandma’s house for sale. It’s been a long time coming. Grandma fell and injured herself a couple of years ago. After a stint in a rehab facility, it became clear that it was no longer a good idea for her to live by herself.  

My grandma is almost 95 and she is healthy as a horse. She is also stubborn as a mule! By God’s grace, she still has her wits about her. I can only hope and pray that I will be the same way when I am her age…if I ever get there!

Since she moved in with my aunt about 2 years ago her house has been sitting vacant. Recently she decided she was finally willing to let the house go. I imagine it was very difficult for her because there are a lot of memories there. Out of all the grandkids, I think I spent the most time there and it was like my second home when I was growing up.

Going through all of her things was exhausting. Like many people her age, she was hesitant to throw anything away that could be useful, and she surrounded herself with knickknacks and pictures. Every so often I would stop and reminisce as something jogged my memory. My cousin and I would exclaim to each other, “Do you remember this? Wow!” We would shake our heads in disbelief as we walked down memory lane. It was really cool to uncover things we had long forgotten about or never even knew existed.

The one thing that made the weekend easier was the fact that grandma is still with us. Had we been going through her things after her passing, it would have been much more difficult. I was grateful for the opportunity to clean and organize her house without grief. It was also very enjoyable to gather together a few family members and friends of the family that are scattered around and work toward a common goal.  

Since it was a sunny weekend, the house was warm and it was really stuffy from being unoccupied for so long. We opened up all the windows and doors, cranked up the music, and got our groove on well into the night. All of the neighbors must have loved our shake-your-booty-and-sing-your-heart-out renditions of songs by the Village People, Milli Vanilli, the Bangles, and others. Poor neighbors. They are probably traumatized for life. Over 2 nights, I think we got about 5 hours of sleep total. By the end, we were hobbling around covered in dust and grime and completely sore and tired.

Gram's house is the epitome of 70's chic! Don't you love the green shag and orange furniture? You should have seen this room before we stripped it clean. We removed a couple of pieces of furniture, all the pictures off the wall, the tons of dried and silk flowers, and the knickknacks from every corner and surface. By paring down the room, it's the largest we've ever seen it. Who knew there was this much space? 

My cousin, uncle and I were feeling emotional over certain things we came across and things we remembered, but we did our best to hold our emotions in check. I think we all knew that if we allowed the floodgates to open they just would not stop. I somehow managed to hold myself together while I was in the house.  

On my way back home, I crossed the bridge over the river from Portland into Vancouver and that’s when I lost it. I was a wreck off and on for the rest of that night and the next day. Lord help me when the house actually sells. She’s the only grandparent left between my husband and I, and I don’t even want to think about when she goes to be with the rest of our grandparents in heaven.   

One moment that really sticks out in my mind from that weekend is when I stopped by the neighbor’s house to chat. As it turns out, they also have 2 boys diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I found myself in their living room chatting with them about autism, educational advocacy, and other related topics. Even though my hubby was home with our boys, it was like I was right back in my element.  

Once my grandma’s house sells, I will no longer have relatives in my old hometown. But, I will have community. I will have autism family. And that makes the change a little bit easier.

 

You've been chopped!

Summer is a very interesting time of year for us. And by "interesting" I mean, "is it wine-thirty yet?" I might need to pull out my Pyramid of Crazy...

I have been working with the boys on a new reward schedule for our token economy system. They can earn treasure coins to pay for rewards by following a list of expected behaviors.

That's fancy talk for, "follow the rules and earn prizes!"

One of the things they can earn is time to watch a show of their choosing. If they don't want to pay coins for a show, then they are stuck watching whatever I pick. Or, they can go play elsewhere if they don't like the show I selected.

We don't watch all that much TV in our home because we can't afford cable. We rely on things like Hulu and Netflix and we have our PC hooked up to the big TV in our family room so that we can stream shows over the internet for free. Well, it's free except for the exorbitant cost of high-speed internet!

One of the shows I have recently rediscovered courtesy of the internet is Chopped, from the Food Network. I love this show! I figured it was somewhat educational for me in learning about ingredients and food preparation, and it didn't seem to have anything offensive that would be bad for the boys.

As it turns out, the boys love this show! They are glued to the TV when I turn it on. So much so, that they do something miraculous: They sit still. The entire time. I know. Miracle!  

If you've never seen the show, a group of 4 chefs come on the show to compete for $10,000. They have to go through 3 rounds - appetizer, entree, and dessert. With each round, their dishes are judged by an esteemed panel of chefs/culinary giants, and then one chef is "chopped" and does not move forward to the next round. Depending on the course, they have 20-30 minutes to create an amazing dish that must feature all of the ingredients revealed in a black mystery basket. The chefs open up the basket and the clock starts ticking away the few minutes they have to execute their brilliance.

Some of the ingredients the show comes up with, and the combinations of those ingredients, are truly insane. I mean it. I've seen things like candied fennel seeds (that look that sprinkles on steroids) for use in an entree. They come up with the most unlikely pairings of ingredients that have no relation to each other in any way.

One dish can include things like: chicken kidneys, sea beans, popcorn, and star fruit. I don't know. I'm trying to think of ingredients I have seen them use... Crazy stuff!

"Chefs, open your basket! Your time starts now!"

Really? And, what the heck are sea beans anyway? How exactly do you prepare chicken kidneys? Ewww...

So, my boys, the little script memorizers that they are, absorb everything about the show while it's on. Prince Charming can actually do a Ted Allen impression. It's the funniest thing ever to hear him interject things he's heard from the show when I'm cooking.

In fact, we were out having dinner at a restaurant and Prince Charming was reading the menu. Titan and I were ordering an appetizer and Prince Charming piped up and asked, "Is that an 'on ray'?" Puzzled, Titan and I looked at each other trying to figure out what he was talking about.

Then it hit me. Not "on ray." Enree. He's trying to say "entree!" He is figuring out that at a restaurant you can order an appetizer, entree and dessert. Just like Chopped!

Smart boy.

The next day, we were hanging out at home doing nothing in particular. The boys were playing in the same room. When this happens, it can spell trouble very quickly. Monkey did something that Prince Charming didn't like and he was getting agitated and escalating his behavior. All of a sudden, he angrily glares at Monkey and I hear him yell:

"You've been chopped! Grrrrr!"

Well, I guess Prince Charming figured out how to turn a Food Network show into a way he can fight with his brother. It was so priceless, I could barely stifle my laughter.

Now, that is scripting in all of its glory. And it was pretty awesome.       
 

I think, therefore my head hurts.

There are a few posts I wanted to write in the past couple of weeks, but things have just not materialized. My mind is swimming right now with everything going on in my life.

I feel like I've been notably absent from the blog recently and I probably needed to at least check in and let you guys know I'm still here. I'm alive and kicking, but I'm always on the go! I barely have time to eat, much less write a witty, awesome post for you to read! Because, as you know, ALL of my posts are witty and awesome! (Did I just hear a retching sound somewhere?)

I have been so busy working on the nonprofit - having meetings, advocating, speaking, writing, event planning, thinking, reading, strategizing, organizing, creating and dreaming - that I've barely been home the past two weeks. Make that this month. Well, if I'm honest with myself, I've been at a dead run since the end of February. 

Last week I realized that in only a few more weeks, school is out for the summer. Talk about having a heart attack right then and there! How and when did this happen? I didn't give my permission for time to move this quickly! There is so much work to be done before the end of the year!

I just have to say that even though my schedule has been out of control and insane, I'm happy. I am 1,000% passionate about the work I'm doing, even though I'm not yet funded. I could not ask for a better or more supportive husband, and I have the world's greatest friend in Miss C. Without their support, the nonprofit work would be impossible.

And you know what? People are showing up. To participate. To volunteer. There are some really great people choosing to get involved with what I'm trying to do and help me create something worthwhile and valuable to the special needs community. That right there is astounding and humbling.

When the kids are out on summer break in only a few short weeks, my schedule will clear for the first time in months. Even though I dread summer break and what that transition will mean for my boys, I think there will also be a small sense of relief as well. The thought of slowing down long enough to catch my breath is kind of thrilling! Work will not cease, but the intensity will lessen. And, this is going to sound crazy, but I'm looking forward to doing some plain old filing! I also hope to finish organizing my nonprofit's office and finally getting the last of the stuff out of boxes and into their proper places. I think that will be a good summer project.

Something deep inside me tells me that I'm doing what I need to be doing, and it's happening at the right time. I am convinced that this is going to all work out somehow. Even though there are hurdles and obstacles, things will all fall into place. Personally I have a lot of fears and worries, but God is giving me a sense of peace. Doors have been opening and I am just walking through them. In fact, I can't wait for the next doors to open so that I can walk through them, too. Bring on the doors!

That's where I'm at right now. It's a good place. A bit nuts, but good.

For the final push into summer over these next few weeks, it will be hit or miss around here. I will try to post once per week (and I'll be pretty darn proud of myself if I do more than that!). I hope to see you back here early next week when I will feature a new giveaway. Be watching for that!



Run! Mother Nature is calling!

Want to know what I learned when we went on a mini-vacation to the Oregon Coast? Mother Nature beckons at the most inopportune times. It’s almost like a cruel joke. It happened time and time again while doing various fun activities on our trip. For instance, when we walked down the beach so far that we could no longer see our hotel…THAT was the moment. Or, when we finally got the kids comfortable in the swimming pool and ready to try to swim…THAT was the moment.

What is this moment? It is precisely when the boys realize that I-have-to-go-poop-right-now-or-we-are-going-to-have-a-big-problem. Often times they are completely unaware that their body is telling them it’s time to head toward the bathroom and by some stroke of luck I might pick up on the signs before they do. If I ask the question, there is almost always an immediate response akin to, “NO, I don’t have to go right now. That would cut into my fun. Duh.” They get so distracted when they are busy doing things they enjoy that it somehow renders them incapable of listening to the little voice inside their body that has an early warning system for such issues. They wait until they are about 5 seconds shy of an eminent waste explosion and then the look on their face turns to sheer panic and we find ourselves in a real pickle of a situation.

I thought I would share 2 of my favorite the most memorable “Mother Nature moments” from our trip.

First, did you happen to watch a CBS series called, “Undercover Boss?” In case you never saw the show, they take the top executive of a company and put them undercover as an entry-level employee at their own company. They go around and do various menial jobs and get a very clear view of how their company is working, discover things they never knew, and also learn ways to make their company function better, both for the customers and also for the employees. It’s a great show, particularly if you are like me and have a business background. I would watch the show and literally craft a case study in my brain as it went along. Yes, I know I’m a total nerd. I’m cool like that.

Anyway, one of the episodes featured a top executive from Great Wolf Lodge. I have never been to my local Great Wolf Lodge, but lots of people I know have been and enjoyed their stay there. And, if you have no idea what a Great Wolf Lodge is, it’s a huge water park inside a hotel. So, in the show this lady is doing some of the low-on-the-totem-pole jobs, including helping to watch the pool areas. At one point, there is an AFR code. A what? AFR stands for Accidental Fecal Release. I started simultaneously cringing and chuckling as I watch this big cheese exec get into the pool and pick up a pile of kid poo. I bet at that moment she wished she had never signed up for the undercover assignment!

Well, we nearly had our own AFR while we were swimming on the second day of our vacation. It didn’t matter that we had the boys go to the bathroom before we got suited up and walked over to the pool, or that I would occasionally ask them if they needed to go while we were at the pool. It was always an emphatic, “No” when the question was asked. It takes the boys a while to get into the pool (due to their sensory issues with temperature) and then get comfortable enough to want to move away from the side of the pool. We hardly ever get a chance to get them in a pool, so it’s like they have to start over each time, no matter how much progress we made with them in the past.

The boys were finally able to stop clinging to the wall (or me) and actually started to play in the water. I turned my attention to Prince Charming because Monkey was walking along in the 3 foot deep section and Prince Charming wanted to use the kickboard. I helped get Prince Charming positioned with the kickboard and Titan began to help him kick his legs properly when I turned back around and saw Monkey posturing. Even with a good portion of his body submerged, I could see that he had his behind sticking out like he was impersonating the walk of a duck. I asked him if he had to go and he said no. I watched him for another few seconds and asked him again, more insistently. He stopped moving and then the light bulb switched on. Ding! He was done.

I could see he only had mere seconds, so I urgently instructed him to get out of the pool and go into the bathroom (about 15 feet away). I yelled over at Titan to get out of the water and run after him while I swam over to Prince Charming. By the time Titan stepped foot into the bathroom I heard Monkey yell. I knew what had happened. I listened as the shower was turned on and then I began to smell the aroma that is unmistakably Monkey’s when he’s having some slight GI issues. The pool is indoors with open beams near the ceiling between the bathrooms and the main pool and hot tub area. Goodness gracious, the entire place began to smell pungent. I pretended that I didn’t smell or hear anything, so as to not draw further attention to the situation in front of the other families present.

I felt so bad for Monkey. I also felt bad for Titan since he was having deal with this whole thing in a public bathroom…thank God there was a shower in there! He got Monkey cleaned up as best as he could, cleaned up the floor, grabbed a towel, and walked Monkey back to the room for a proper shower with warm water and privacy. Pool time and fun in the water ended abruptly. Mother Nature, knock it off, would ya?

The following day, after breakfast and a bit of shopping, we took a few minutes to “freshen up” in our hotel room before heading down to the beach. I checked with the boys several times about going poop before we left, and forced them to at least try before we left the room. The walk down to the beach from our room takes a few minutes and then you have to climb down about a million steps. Okay, it’s more like one hundred. It’s a haul, for sure. There is an outcropping of rocks about 1,000 feet from the staircase, which is where you can see tide pools and all kinds of fun stuff when the tide is out. That is where we were headed.

We had just gotten there and I had taken a couple pictures of the boys climbing on the rocks when Prince Charming got the intense urge to go. He started waddling and I had no idea how he would manage to hold it in all the way back and up the million stairs, much less how my asthmatic husband would make it when pressed for time. All I could do was watch and pray as they took off for the room. By the grace of God, Prince Charming managed to hold it until they got there. Then, while he was wriggling his clothes off in the bathroom, he had a slight accident. It was miraculous that he didn’t have 10-pound droopy drawers the whole way back to the room! Our beachcombing, rock exploration, and leisurely walk ended just as fast as it began. Mother Nature, you’re really starting to get on my nerves.

One of these days I hope that Mother Nature doesn’t foil our fun plans during a vacation. It would be nice to plan an activity and be able to actually do that activity for more than a few minutes before we are forced to stop. Mother Nature, you always have us running, that’s for sure!   

            

Ewww...that's gross!

As the summer progresses, things just keep getting nuttier and nuttier around my house. The boys are wound up so tight with energy that I cannot adequately describe it to you, other than to borrow the words from my friend, Lindsay, over at Earth Monkey Moms. My boys are like “monkeys on crack.” Lindsay, you hit the nail on the head with that one!

I play my boys as hard as I can, but they do.not.slow.down. Ever. Unless they are sleeping. And, that could be potentially because mommy slipped them a magical “nighttime vitamin.” Melatonin, I love you. Truly. You have single-handedly saved my sanity at night.

I’m seeing an increase in sensory-seeking behavior as the summer progresses. It’s cropping up everywhere we go. At home. In the car. Out in public. Everywhere. They can be loud, erratic, argumentative, and even combative. They are ramping up their behavior in every way possible. In the process they have developed some new, ummm, interests…  Yes, interests. That’s what I'll call it.

Those interests involve their fingers. If you are a fellow mom you might have some sort of idea where I’m going with this. Good Lord, help me.  

Prince Charming has learned the fine art of mining for treasure in his nose. He’s getting to be quite the expert. He likes to practice this skill in private and I catch him every so often. When caught, he immediately runs and hides so he can attempt to continue his new favorite sport without seeing mommy’s disapproving glare.

Monkey decided he’d like to take a stab at Prince Charming’s worst habit – nail biting. He is quite the consummate professional now. Not only does he peel off his nails with his teeth, he picks at his fingers until hang nails form and even bleed. As a matter of fact, he has taught himself to put on a bandaid by himself because it was happening so much that I began refusing to fix him up. Whenever I see him with a bandaid on his finger I know what he’s been up to. As if it couldn’t get any better, he has taken nail biting and turned it into the art form of removing a portion of nail and treating it like chewing gum in his mouth. It.is.disgusting. He is an expert at being sneaky, so I know I’m only catching him in the act a fraction of the time he actually does it. Blech! It makes my stomach turn just writing about it.

I know boys will be boys and all that, but my boys are driving me bananas with their new habits. What is a stressed out mom to do? I’m thinking bribery. Whaaat? Yes, it's true. I have been known to offer a bribe now and again.

We are approaching the end of summer break and I’m feeling worn down and in need of a mommy treat. And, a bribe can also be a mommy treat. Especially when it’s Starbucks! Can you say treat receipt time? My boys love to split a grande passion tea lemonade. It’s pink, after all. And, there’s nothing quite like the threat of mom consuming their special treat in front of them if they continue to choose to misbehave. I know, I know. I’m bad. But, I’m so good at it! J

I hope you are surviving your summer break! If you happen to be so lucky as to already have your kids back in school, well, let’s just say that I’m jealous.  

  

A lazy summer tradition

You may remember me telling you how I dread summer vacation because my boys need routine. For the first time ever, I am happy to report a new summer tradition that stemmed out of my exhaustion and general laziness. I know…it’s hard to believe that I could possibly be lazy, especially considering my caffeine consumption levels! Well, I’ve been struggling a little bit with insomnia recently and so the thought of sleeping in holds a great deal of appeal to me (even more than usual).

Let me warn you: I’m going to jump around a little bit, but stick with me. It will all make sense. First, let me set the background.

We don’t have traditional TV at our house, per se. Let me explain. Our main living area has a TV that is connected to our computer and we stream video online instead of pay the cable company their blood money. We were forced to make some drastic cuts in our budget when my husband lost his job 2 years ago and our cable bill was one of the first things on the chopping block.

Do I miss high-def? You better believe it! Do I miss some shows that I cannot access online reliably? Yeah, it can be frustrating. Do I sometimes complain about how streaming online can be a pain in the backside? All the time. Do I like free TV? Of course! Helloooooo…I am the Queen of Clearance, so free is a price I like to pay. Now, if I could only convince the cable company to drop our high-speed internet prices, I’d be set.

With that being said, I have a confession to make. And, to all of my local friends and neighbors who might be reading this, PLEASE do not tattle on me.

When we first moved into this house we set up cable to only one jack since we only had one TV. When we upgraded our TV to an HDTV prior to the digital TV conversion that affected everyone in the US, we didn’t know what to do with our old TV. We remembered that we had a cable jack in our bedroom but we never had an opportunity to try it to see if it worked or not. We thought that we could use our old TV for DVD’s so we put it in our bedroom and, on a whim, we plugged in the coax cable to see if anything happened. We had cable! All those years and we had no idea! Talk about a pleasant surprise. Free TV felt awesome knowing how many thousands of dollars we had sunk into our cable bills over the years. Our old TV has since gone away, but we got a small new TV to take its place since we continued to have cable to our bedroom.

So, now we come to the main part of our story. We left off with me telling you about how lazy I am. Are you up to speed? Good.

Since we are now on summer break I no longer need to use an alarm clock. My kids serve as their own alarm clocks. No matter how late they go to sleep they are always awake early in the morning. I wish they would sleep in, but no such luck. So, in the interest of attempting to sleep in a few minutes longer I told the boys to crawl into bed with me and I would turn on the TV so they could watch cartoons on PBS.

Here’s where it gets good. They listened to me. They have never been much for cuddling, but I was amazed when they crawled into bed, got under the covers and quietly watched cartoons. It has been a long time since they last watched cartoons like that, so they knew they had a good thing going.

I actually fell back asleep and woke up 2 hours later. They were still watching cartoons. It was a miracle. I was so happy that I showered them with hugs and decided to forego our regular breakfast routine and offer them a special treat for such good behavior. They were thrilled and we had a fabulous morning.

The next day the boys crawled into bed with me hoping to once again watch cartoons in bed while I slept in. I quickly fell back asleep and woke up to Prince Charming telling me to be quiet. Apparently I was snoring and it was interrupting their cartoons.

Since that time we have done our morning cartoon routine many times and it has become a summer tradition. I love it! Sometimes one of the boys will lay their head on me or let me wrap my arm around them as I fall back asleep. I am in a sleepy state of bliss when this happens and it’s nice to get some cuddles in with my boys.

I look forward to fall because school starts back up and the boys can get back into their routine, but I assure you that I will sorely miss our morning cartoon time. I’m going to get as many of those mornings in as I can while I still have some summer left.        

Happy Half-versary!

I’m a sucker for an anniversary. I’m a girl, after all. I’m celebrating a blog half-versary. Caffeinated Autism Mom is now officially 6 months old! I can hardly believe it. Where has the time gone?

I thought I would take a moment to reminisce and see how far the blog has come since January.

I started this whole crazy idea of a blog with a post entitled, “Special Needs and Gifted.” I told you about how I was applying for Monkey to test for the highly capable program in our school district and what it meant to possibly have a twice exceptional child. The update to that story is that we got back his testing results and he did not qualify for the program. So, we continue on as usual. This does not change the fact that Monkey is wicked smart and we’ll continue challenging him the best we can at home.   

A few days after that initial post I described my intentions for the blog in, “Me, me, me, Monday!” I introduced you to my family, told you about how I hoped things would work around here, and how often I would post new content. I gotta tell ya, I think I’ve been keeping up my end of the bargain. What do you think?

I’ve done a lot more in 6 months than I thought I could even do in the first year. Off the top of my head, I’ve guest posted, I gave the page a facelift from its original look (and trust me, I’m NO artist), had a radio interview, made lots of great blogger friends, and even won a mommy award. And, I am actually surprised that coming up with stuff to write about day after day has not been that hard. Apparently I have a lot to talk about. I get that from my mom (and as much as he disagrees with me, my dad, too). :-)

I have a feeling that the next 6 months will be full of more great surprises, too. Only time will tell.  

For now, I’m redefining my intentions for the rest of the summer. It’s a bit more difficult to write when my kids are always with me and we are staying up later because of the longer days. I don’t get as much time to myself as I would like, and I’m thinking that I should cut myself down to 2 to 3 blog posts a week until the boys start school again in September. I think my brain will thank me. And, you never know, I may find the time to write more. It’s possible.

So, I hope you will join me in my more relaxed schedule for the summer. I don’t think I even know the meaning of the word “relax” anymore. Yikes. I need a nap. Is it fall yet?

Oh, and one more thing…a very important detail I don’t want to forget. I am so very happy you have joined me for this ride. I am thankful for all of my fabulous readers! Each one of you.

Now, get out there and share my blog with your friends! See the Like, Tweet, and Share buttons at the bottom of this post? Click on them! Let’s get more people on the caffeinated bandwagon. Don’t forget to “Like” Caffeinated Autism Mom on Facebook. Thanks for the love, people.

Dusting off the juicer

I love this time of year for 1 big reason, and no, it’s not that the kids are out of school. Does that make me a bad mom? No way! Any autism mom would likely agree that summer is the most stressful time of year because our kids crave routine. For me, the best part about summer is the fact that lots of fabulous produce becomes available.

Here is one of my bowls of harvested spinach.
Many of the leaves are larger than a slice of bread!

I love watching beautiful, organic veggies grow in my garden. In fact, I’ve already harvested several huge bowls of spinach in the past couple of weeks! It’s so much fun to plan the garden and plant my seeds in the spring, knowing that there will be some great things to eat in the coming months.

And, I adore going to our local organic farms and also perusing the wonderful farmers markets to buy gorgeous fruits and vegetables that are far superior to anything I could get at the grocery store. The visual variety alone makes it worth each trip. I fill up my reusable bags with goodies each time I go.

I try to engage my children fully in the process of picking out things to buy at the farmers market. I know that by doing so, they are more likely to at least try a bite of something new because they picked it out themselves. Sometimes they even help me pay and carry the bag while we continue shopping. If they are particularly proud of their efforts, they may also carry the items on their lap as we travel back home in the car.

Even if after all of their participation they somehow take issue with eating the vegetable, they still "eat" it. Oh yes, I see to that! I’m a mean sneaky mom that way.

This is where the magic of the juicer comes in. You may recall that I wrote a post back in January about how to hide vitamins by doing things like juicing. The juicer is a wonderful tool for any parent! In that post I talk about how I make juices like “Silly Strawberry,” which is comprised of kale (or spinach) and strawberries. In fact, I have some organic Italian kale and organic strawberries in my fridge right now that I plan to use for this very juice. Kale is chock full of essential nutrients like: Vitamin A, Vitamin K, calcium, and magnesium, just to name a few.

As long as there is a strong berry or fruit flavor, the “yucky” veggie is effectively masked. You might have to be sly and make the green portion of the juice when your kid is not watching and then serve it in a colored or ceramic cup (with a sippy-style lid or opaque straw). You can add in a reward system to help them drink the new concoctions, too. It worked great for us!

It makes me happy to know that my boys will be getting fresh and organic juice, full of absorbable vitamins, minerals, and enzymes. This stuff is a far cry from the dead sugar water (a.k.a. pasteurized juice) that we buy in the store! It’s time to dust off the juicer and put it in position for heavy use this summer!

Do you juice? What is your favorite juice to give to your children?