I feel guilty. I know I didn’t do anything wrong. At least not intentionally. Ever since we got a diagnosis for my boys, I knew that they were born this way. I didn't cause it from my actions. That’s what we’re told. Autism is genetic, right? Over the past few years, I learned enough to no longer believe that autism is purely a genetic condition. Rather, I believe that in most cases it is an immunological response to an environmental assault, which triggers the cascade of symptoms into autism.
As I sat enjoying my morning cup of coffee and scrolling through Facebook, there it was. A friend posted a status update about her son and their recent findings from the doctor. Her words gave me pause. Things suddenly started to click in my brain. What it this? What about that? Feverishly I pulled up Google and began searching for more information. There could be something to this. As the morning progressed, I felt my head dizzily spinning with the information and possible implications.
Then I found this scientific case study. It pierced my heart. Autism may have started from me. And, I’m not talking about my genes. From me, giving birth. Yeah. That’s it right there. I feel it now, washing over me. Guilt. Did the cascade into autism start on the day of their birth?
