It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
How did your summer go? Did you survive? Did your children
survive?
We did okay. Not great. Not horrible. Just okay. Prince
Charming lost his ESY (extended school year) services. Monkey somehow managed
to keep his ESY, although they cut his hours in half. I’m sorry, but 12 hours over
an entire summer isn’t super helpful. Whatever. That’s another conservation for
another day… We happen to love our ESY teachers, and something is better than
nothing.
Last spring I found a local Groupon-type deal for a beginner’s
karate class and thought it would be a perfect summer activity. It would be a
good, healthy, and inexpensive way to add a routine to our summer schedule. At
the beginning of summer Prince Charming was dying to go and Monkey would launch
into tears at the mere mention of it. My how things changed once they started
going to the class! Monkey enjoyed himself immensely and managed to earn his
white belt. Prince Charming refused to participate and would launch into a
meltdown at the drop of a hat. And, that’s one more conversation for another
day…
Despite summer preparations including a newly defined reward
schedule, a list of expected behaviors, and lists/charts around the house for
regular routines, the break from school was not easy. It never is. I did my
best to set things and prepare so that the summer would be simple and
straightforward, but life has a way of changing things up sometimes.
In fact, we saw some significant regression over the summer
with Prince Charming. The words, “I told you so” (directed to the school
district in regard to their removal of services) come to mind. His sensory
system became quite a bit more reactive, and I found myself needing to equip
him with a sensory toolkit just to leave the house each day. We haven’t had to
do things to that level in a quite some time and it was disheartening to see him
react so easily and quickly escalate into meltdowns.
The boys also found their brotherly voices over the summer
break. And by brotherly voices, I refer to their constant bickering, yelling,
screaming, fighting, kicking, and general disdain toward one another. The
silver lining to that cloud is that it is all very neurotypical behavior, so I
had to remind myself of that as I could feel my head wanting to explode
repeatedly.
As summer wore on, there was a general shortening of my
fuse. At times I possess a large amount of patience; other times, well…not so
much. I have been told by parents and professionals on various occasions that
they are impressed with my patience and calm demeanor around my kids when they
are acting up. I am no saint, that’s for sure.
I found myself getting irritated more
quickly and the general noise level began to really bother me. My house has
never been a quiet place, but during the summer ear plugs should be standard
issue.
Needless to say, my nonprofit work and blog writing came to
a grinding halt. You may have noticed I was almost completely absent here on
Caffeinated Autism Mom during the summer months. Now you know why. I can’t
write or work in a chaotic environment. My brain doesn’t function that way. I
can only filter so much and then at a certain point I just can’t do anything
productive.
During the summer I actually had my first migraine in years,
and there were also a couple of multiple-day headaches thrown in there for good
measure. At a certain point I became ugly mommy with a bad attitude that could
raise her voice at the drop of a hat. I’m not proud of that. It’s not a shining
moment for me at all.
I hadn’t truly realized how much my attitude had changed
until one day things were particularly rough. The boys were bound and
determined to fight like cats and dogs and I had simply had it. I was DONE. And,
I yelled. Loudly. In no uncertain terms, I laid down the law and separated
them. Since they obviously couldn’t be near each other without having a
problem, I took away that choice for the afternoon.
Later that day in a quiet moment when peace had been mostly
restored, Prince Charming came to sit with me and said that he was looking forward
to school so that I wouldn’t be mad anymore.
Knife to the heart.
Within the same hour, Monkey told me that I needed a break.
He then told me that when he and Prince Charming started back to school again
he thought I would be happier. That effectively twisted the knife.
I felt as small as a gnat.
I took each of the boys aside and apologized for my
behavior. I talked with them about why I was having a hard time and what they
could do to help so that we could all be happier.
School started the next day. I did not do a celebratory dance
or take a nap or eat a bucket full of chocolate. I felt sad. I was relieved for
the quiet, but I was sad that our summer ended the way it did. I can’t fix it
or make it better. I can only try to do better next time.
I will tell you that I noticed an immediate shift in my demeanor.
When the boys got home from school, I was eager to talk with them about their
day. I was 100% clued in, sharing the moment with them and truly happy to hear
all that they had to say. I could feel my blood pressure lower and my jaw un-clench.
My joy had returned, and it only took one day with a 4-hour break from the boys
to do it. It really is the most wonderful time of the year.
