Monkey made me cry...in a good way!

If you are an autism parent, you know that sometimes it's hard to tell what emotions are going on in your child's head. Often times you don't get the emotional reciprocation you hope and long for. Every mother I've ever known has needed hugs and affection far more than their children want to give it, and I am no exception. Autism can make that even more complicated.

When Monkey was born, he didn't want to be touched or cuddled, and truthfully, it was difficult to bond with him. As he's gotten older and his body and world are no longer so chaotic for him, he's become more affectionate. Surprisingly, now he loves to cuddle. His long, lanky limbs fold into a pretzel-like shape in order for him to fit on my lap, and we will watch a cartoon together snuggling under a blanket.

Hey, I'll take whatever I can for as long as I can...bony elbows and all.

Something happened last night that was so surprising, and a bit out of character for Monkey, that I immediately began to cry happy mommy tears of joy.

It was bedtime and Titan and I were sitting in our chairs, relieved that the day was over. Just as we began to relax, Monkey bounded out of his room and informed us that he needed a piece of paper to write something down. He seemed earnest about it, despite the fact that Titan and I just wanted him asleep already. We let him get a piece of paper and a pencil and take it back into his room. About 5 minutes later, he came back out, handed me the paper upside down and said that he wrote something for me, running back to his room.

Uh....okay.

I turned over the paper and a few seconds later the tears began to flow. This is what my little boy (who turns 10 years old today) wrote to me:

Birthday Ode             1-2-13

Dear Mom,

Since I was a baby, never had such a lady, kiss me, with all her joy. Her hugs and kisses XO, blow my wishes, somewhere else, far away. You bring love to anyone, only one you know. Your heart soars like a bird, giving the word, you have been a great parent!!

Love with all my heart,
Monkey 

After reading it, and taking a moment to calm down (Monkey can't handle when I drip tears on him - it's one of his sensory triggers), I went into his room and told him how much I appreciated his note. After giving him my glowing remarks and telling him how much I love him, he said in typical Monkey style, "Uh huh. Okay."

From a boy who doesn't show outward emotion all that often, this was a surprisingly wonderful moment that will recharge my mommy batteries for a long time.

Happy birthday, little man. I love you.



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Winter Vacation: the Good, the Bad, and the Best

We just got home from a short vacation to Oregon. On the first day, we visited with family in Eugene and then crossed over the mountains that night heading to our destination at the Eagle Crest Resort, just north of Bend. We spent the rest of our vacation gallavanting around central Oregon, visiting Redmond, Sunriver, Sisters, and Bend. We came home by way of the Dalles and the beautiful Columbia Gorge, which was a fun (and much less snowy!) drive back toward Washington. It was nice to get away for a few days, and here are some of the highlights of our trip.

Good: Seeing my Grandma, who was recently hospitalized with another bout of pneumonia. She got to open up our Christmas present to her and we got some nice pictures. We also got to see other family members and learned that the next day Grandma was well enough to be released from the hospital. We were so happy to learn she wouldn't be spending Christmas in the hospital!

Bad: Having to make our trip over the mountains with packed snow and ice on the road in the evening when it was pitch black with low visibility due to snow and wind.

Good:  Having new tires with good traction, eliminating the need for putting on chains while driving in snowy conditions.  

Bad: Running over what looked like a pile of snow in the middle of our lane, which was actually a solid chunk of ice that ended up breaking 2 parts under my car.

Good: Roads that were mostly devoid of cars, except for semi trucks, and still being able to drive my car after colliding with the ice block.

Bad: Getting stuck behind semi trucks with their chains on, keeping me from going over 30 MPH for endless miles. Then, due to the low visibility from snow spray off the trucks, running over some tire chains in the road that I couldn’t see until I was on top of them.  

Good: After already going over 30 miles since I collided with the ice, finally hearing a loud rattling sound coming from under my car which indicated that my car was somehow damaged (or possibly dragging the chains I had just run over!) and keeping me from driving further until I knew what was wrong.  

Bad: Needing to find a safe place to pull over in the middle of nowhere with good lighting and a store that was open late at night so we could try to find a way to fix my car.

Imagine this, only on the front of my car underneath between
the wheels, much less sticky, and with a very grumpy hubby
laying on the snowy ground with frozen hands. For more fun
with duct tape, visit the page where this image came from.

Good: Having a husband with ultra long arms that could reach far enough under my car while lying on the snowy ground in 10-degree weather, eliminating the need to dig out our jack and raise the car up to attempt to fix the car with duct tape.

Bad: After using half a roll of duct tape, figuring out that it doesn’t stick in really cold weather. It’s like using damp scotch tape and is essentially useless.

Good: Despite the delays, getting to our hotel safely without the duct tape coming loose. Prayer works!

Bad: Pulling out of our parking space at the hotel the next morning and having the duct tape immediately come loose.

Good: Taping the car back together again, only in 30-degree weather with dry ground in the daylight – a big improvement from the night before! And, finding a dealership with a collision center about 20 minutes away from where we were staying.

Bad: The dealership not having our car’s parts in stock.

Good: After getting the estimate, the repair guys gave us a free temporary fix that could last until we got home if the parts didn't come in before we left town. 

Bad: Having to wait 2 more days to fix our car and spending an unexpected $250. Ouch. 

Good: Not needing to file an insurance claim and knowing that it could have been MUCH worse for us in so many ways. And, the repair only took 30 minutes to complete.

Bad: Both boys coming down with a cold on the first day of our trip and not having any of our cold meds or a thermometer with us to monitor Prince Charming’s fever.

Good: The fact that both boys had great attitudes and dealt with their colds in stride, even while going on short day trips around central Oregon.

Bad: Having to maintain a gluten-free diet while away from home.

Good: Getting a room with a kitchen and being able to find gluten-free dining options wherever we went, thanks to Oregon’s “crunchy” personality and a free, helpful GF dining app on my phone.   

The Old Mill District, Bend, OR

Bad: Forgetting to bring melatonin for the boys to help them sleep due to the change in environment, and then needing to tediously monitor them while they went to sleep each night – a 2 hour process involving arguments between the boys and tears each night.

Good: Experiencing the quiet and calm of the small towns we were in, and realizing that shopping in cute little downtown shops was much more relaxed than what we might have experienced at home in the retail rush before Christmas.

Good: Finding eclectic treasures in quaint stores – some for our house, some for our taste buds, and a few Christmas presents mixed in for fun.

Good: Riding in a wagon pulled by a pair of Clydesdale horses while viewing the Christmas light display at our resort on a cold and crisp night.

The Superintendent took this picture!

Good: While on our wagon ride, discovering that I was sitting next to the Superintendent of Public Schools in the town we were staying in, and getting to talk with him about autism and services for special needs children in schools.

Good: For the first time ever while on vacation, not having a bathroom emergency with one or both of the boys!

Good: Surviving the end of the Mayan Calendar!

Good: Getting a reprieve from the sadness of recent events in our nation – in Connecticut and elsewhere.

Good: Watching The Polar Express in our hotel room while all cuddled on the couch together on a cold, snowy night.

Hanging out in our hotel room on a sunny, lazy morning.
Prince Charming was acting like a meerkat,
popping up from behind the couch cushions.

Good: Achieving a balance of seeing things and having fun while on vacation, but also building in some down time for relaxation.

Good: Except for the matter of the boys not feeling well and not having melatonin at night, they both had good attitudes almost the entire trip, including full days of driving both to and from our destination. A true holiday miracle!

Good: Driving home on a different route that was much less-traveled, fun to drive, and completely clear of bad weather.

Good: Avoiding a ticket by the skin of my teeth! A guy in a Prius was following me at my fast rate of speed and quickly got irritated when I suddenly slowed down after seeing a cop. I watched the cop pass me in the oncoming lane, take notice of my excessive speed, suddenly flip a U-turn in the middle of the highway, and pull in 3 cars behind me. The Prius somehow didn’t see it happen and quickly passed me out of his frustration at my reduced speed. He was pulled over less than 10 seconds later. Not getting a ticket when it was intended for me = best Christmas present ever.

BEST: Coming home to a clean house, our own comfy beds, and a huge bottle of melatonin.          

Wordless Wednesday: Fun with a box!

I bought Titan custom golf clubs last Christmas, because not only is he freakishly tall, he plays left-handed! He finally broke in his clubs last month. What was leftover was this enormously long box. As I think most everyone knows, boxes make the BEST toys! The boys took turns crawling inside, standing inside, scooting in and laying down, etc. Prince Charming actually loved the box so much he wanted to sleep in it. He found a blanket and made it into a pillow and then crawled inside and hung out quietly in there for a little while that afternoon. He enjoyed it immensely and later insisted that Titan and I allow him to put the box in his room so he could sleep in it that night. We did...and he did. :-) 

Don't wake the sleeping Yoda

On Saturday morning, my hubby and I were woken up by Prince Charming. Before. Six. Yes, in an ungodly hour of a sacred and lazy please-God-let-us-sleep-in-until-at-least-7am Saturday morning.

“Daddy, I want to cuddle with you.”

“OK. Climb in,” my hubby slurred in his slumber.

Then our little wiggle worm got into bed between us. And didn’t stop moving. Or talking.

First he would wiggle, then he would sit up and check the clock. Then he would announce the time to us. Every few minutes. Then he would flip over. And, then there was the whispering. He would whisper some script he had memorized from cartoons.  

Make the hurting stop. Sleeeeeep.

“Honey, can you please go back into your room and play quietly with your new Bionicle in bed?”

“Nooooooooo, I want to stay here.”

Too tired to argue or force the issue, my hubby and I dropped it in our attempt to fall back asleep.

This continued on for over an hour.

Frustrated, we finally sent him packing back to his room. Not only did he leave our door wide open, he proceeded to walk through the house like a herd of elephants. The walls literally shook with every step.

Of course, this woke up Monkey. Great. He stumbled into our bedroom, ready to cuddle.

My hubby, who apparently had woken up enough to have some brain function, came up with a great idea.

“Boys, go make yourself a bowl of cereal and we’ll be up in a few minutes.”

Then he muttered under his breath, “in about a half hour…” I weakly giggled my agreement.

We started to hear the boys make noise and argue. Titan and I were definitely awake now, although I was a bit slower to rouse.

Then, my hubby did something regrettable. He poked his finger into my armpit in a playful attempt to wake me up. One thing he should know better by now is to never, ever poke me in the armpit.  

I swatted at his hand violently. He started laughing.

With my eyes closed I calmly growled, “Do not make me go Jedi on you.”

More laughter. This time, it was a deeper belly laugh. He tried to touch me again, but I had one eye open because my Spidey sense told me something was about to happen. (See, not only do I connect with the Force, I also have Spidey sense! Titan married SOME girl!)

As his finger came up into the air, I said, “If you wake this sleeping giant, I will turn into an angry Yoda in about 3 seconds.”

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He knew I would, too. I could sense he was thinking about the scene of Stars Wars when Yoda unleashes his mad skills on Count Dooku and is flying around the room like an other-worldly creature. Titan quickly retracted his finger and then more laughter ensued. Deep, loud laughter. I love his laugh. It’s so hearty and warm.

Now I was wide awake and didn’t want to be. I glared at him with a scowl on my face through one eye open, ready to attack without a moment’s hesitation. Yes hubby, this is the fair maiden you took as your bride. Hope I don’t scare you too much.

Yoda is super duper old, like 800+ and he's 2 feet tall. You'd never expect him to acrobatically fly through the air with his light saber. Watch him open up a can of whoop-ass right around 1:40!

Ahhhhhh, Saturday mornings! Aren’t they grand?

Needless to say, Titan got me out of bed and there was no bloodshed. As it turns out, under my don’t-mess-with-me shell is a big ball of goo. He knows how to expose the goo every single time. And in the process, he makes me laugh. Somehow, that’s all I need. 

Hope you had a great Father's Day weekend!

What are you like in the morning before your coffee?   


   

    

Guest Post: Tips for Helping Friends and Family Who Have Children with Autism

Today I am happy to bring you a guest post from Heather, an ex-Nanny. Although she does not have a child with autism, she is no stranger to ASD! She provides some great tips on how extended family members and friends can help out families who have a child with autism. 

As an autism mom, I can tell you that time away from the boys is a rare and precious commodity. Every parent can use a little bit of time away from their kids, and this is especially the case when they have a child with autism! Time to go out on a date with your spouse, go grocery shopping by yourself, or to simply read a book in a quiet coffee shop are all amazing gifts to a parent of a child with autism. Sometimes we just need a tiny break, and they don't come very often! 

This is a great post to share with everyone in your life that cares about your child and wants to help out somehow, but needs a little nudge. Thank you, Heather, for such great advice! Read on, friends. 

Tips for Helping Friends and Family Who Have Children with Autism

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As an aunt to a nephew with autism, I know all too well how hard it can be for my sister and her husband to be able to get out of the house and steal a few precious moments alone. My nephew is the greatest blessing in the world to them, but with his autism it’s also hard to find anyone willing to look after him while they go on a much-needed weekend getaway, or even just a date. Potential babysitters tend to shy away once they learn he has autism, mainly because they lack any real knowledge about the disorder and haven’t had any real interaction with children on the spectrum. And while it should be easier to find a friend or family member to watch him, it usually isn’t. I used to be just like them – unsure of what to do around my nephew, unsure of how to help. It didn’t help that we live halfway across the country from each other and don’t get to spend nearly enough time together. But after a lot of trial and error I’ve found a few ways that friends and family can become more at ease around children with autism:

1.      Learn as much as you can about autism on your own time – The best way to become more at ease with something you know little about is to completely immerse yourself in information. Read as much as you can about it so that you understand more what autism is and what common characteristics of autistic children are. Having some working knowledge ahead of time makes it easier to transition into a real-life situation.

2.      Spend quality time with the child around the parents – Before tackling a full-fledged babysitting adventure on your own, spend some quality time with the child and the parents. Let the child get comfortable with your presence, and gradually work into spending more time alone with him/her while the parents are still readily available. The more comfortable you both get with each other, the easier it will be once it’s just the two of you.

3.      Don’t be afraid to ask questions – One of the biggest problems my sister would face in the beginning is that everyone would shy away from asking any real questions ahead of time, despite the fact that they had plenty lingering in the background. Asking questions is the easiest way to learn how to handle different situations in a way the parents are OK with, so don’t be shy about it. You aren’t going to offend anyone by asking serious questions.

4.      Know the child’s routine beforehand – Straying from the child’s normal schedule can cause outbursts and destructive behavior, making it imperative to adhere to their normal schedule as much as possible. Keep a list of meal times, play times, etc., handy so that you can reference it at any given moment.

5.      Be respectful – Avoid yelling or using confrontational tones with affected children, be mindful of any barriers they may have (such as touch), and be respectful in your manner toward them. Respect breeds respect, just like discourse breeds discourse. Choose the former to help lay the foundation for a peaceful time together.

One of the problems that many family members and friends face is that they simply don’t understand autism. As much as they may want to help, helping also makes them nervous. The easiest way to alleviate this is by spending more time with the child and getting comfortable with each other together. One of the greatest gifts you can give to a parent who has a child with autism is time to themselves, so don’t shy away from learning and lending a helping hand.

Author Bio

Heather Smith is an ex-nanny. Passionate about thought leadership and writing, Heather regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and parenting blogs/websites. She also provides value to become a nanny by giving advice on site design as well as the features and functionality to provide more and more value to nannies and families across the U.S. and Canada. She is available at H.smith7295 [at] gmail.com.

Wordless Wednesday: Hypnotic Moments

The boys are enamored by our screen saver! Our TV is set up as our computer monitor. When this screen saver comes on they will stand motionless and stare at it for several minutes straight.
Instant quiet is a true blessing!

Guest Post: The Oxygen Mask Project

I got a pleasant surprise recently. I was contacted by the folks at The Oxygen Mask Project. They read my Not-So-Caffeinated Autism Mom post about how I was starting to put myself back on the priority list again, and they wanted to share my post with their readers. Very exciting news, indeed!

I love the concept for their site and their Facebook and Twitter communities. If you're on Twitter, check out #yearoftheoxygenmask.

Here is a direct quote from The Oxygen Mask Project site that speaks to their mission:

Once upon a time, a group of special needs moms started talking about their lives. They talked about how devoted they are to their children and to making sure that their kids’ needs are met. But somewhere along the way, they had forgotten to take care of themselves.

To care for others, you have to take care of yourself as well. Too often, we feel guilty as parents when we take time to do something that is just for us. But it’s how we can keep giving our best to our children.

If you’re anything like me, you have put yourself last in order to try to be a good mother and wife. This is especially true when you are a hard core people pleaser with a slight super mom complex. And, it makes things even worse when you throw autism into the mix. Sound familiar anyone?

When was the last time you put on your oxygen mask and took a breath? Maybe you should take a moment today and do just that.

You should start by heading over to The Oxygen Mask Project to read my post! Show them some Caffeinated Autism Mom love. While you’re there, I know you’ll get some self-care inspiration. So, what are you waiting for? Go! Now!

Flashback Friday: Think Pink!

We made it to Friday! Happy happy, joy joy!

One of the things my boys love to do on the weekend is watch Pink Panther after breakfast. They like to have cuddle time with daddy in the big recliner under a fuzzy blanket while they watch their show. With 2 very warm boys in his lap and a jazzy, dialog-free cartoon playing in the background, Titan usually catches a quick nap. It's a nice, mellow routine for a weekend morning.  

Click here to read about how we rediscovered Pink Panther and why it's one of our favorite cartoons.  

Hope you have a great Friday and a great weekend!

Flashback Friday: Sensory-Friendly Room Makeover

As promised in my first blogiversary post this week, I am sharing some of my favorite posts from the past year. One post that consistently remained my most popular (until it got knocked down a few notches a couple of months ago) was when I described the sensory-friendly bedroom makeovers I did for my boys.

The room makeovers are just as popular with the neighborhood kids and friends from school as they are with my boys. There's something about a sensory swing that kids just love, no matter if they are neurotypical or not.

So, I hope you click over and read about what my husband and I did to make the boys' bedrooms more sensory-friendly. Maybe you'll get some ideas for your house! 

Click here and please enjoy.

Weird thoughts and nightmares

Something new has cropped up with Monkey over the past few weeks: nightmares. My husband and I have tried to figure out what prompted it, but we are at a loss as to when and why it all began, and how we can best help him through his fears.

An example of one of those evenings goes a little something like this:

After the kids have been put to bed and hubby and I are enjoying a quiet house with our feet up in the family room, a stealthy figure will appear in the darkness. It’s Monkey. He’s climbed out of bed and slipped down the hall to stand there looking at Titan until he is noticed. It always catches my husband off-guard, seeing a ghostly figure eerily staring at him in the shadowy darkness. When we finally see him and Monkey begins walking toward us, now without hesitation, I can already see the look of sadness on his face. I may even see the tears beginning to fall as he enters the room.

Of course, I immediately open up my arms to beckon him toward me and I say, “Honey, what’s wrong?” His response is always the same as he begins to openly cry and quickly crawls into my lap for an embrace. “I don’t know.”

Me: “Why are you sad?”

Monkey: “I don’t know.”

The crying continues while I hug him and stroke his head, and Titan and I look at each other for unspoken ideas of what to do next.

At some point while I calmly talk with him I am able to get him to reveal a snippet of his nightmare. Initially, that’s what we thought was going on. But instead of a true nightmare, we’ve discovered that he is having some sort of bad images and thoughts come into his mind as he closes his eyes to fall asleep. Thus, it makes him scared to close his eyes for even a few seconds, fearing that he’ll see those things.

Falling asleep has become a huge source of anxiety and he is unable to fully express what’s happening. Titan and I fumble along, trying to help him as best as we can without having all of the information. The saving grace is that these occurrences do not happen every night. But when they do, they are fairly upsetting and traumatic for Monkey.  

We have rephrased his experience as having “weird thoughts” or “yucky thoughts.” Our hope is that by convincing him that thoughts are easier to control than dreams, it will help alleviate some of his anxiety. Eventually, I hope the idea sinks in that he can change his weird thoughts to good thoughts.

So, we sit and rock in my chair, cuddling while I talk softly and help him stop crying. We talk about the particular yucky thought he had that night and how unlikely it is to actually happen in real life. I remind him that his bed is a safe place up high in his loft with railings all around, with a thick and cozy blanket, and a pile of stuffed animals to protect him. We talk about many things and I reassure him that he is safe and doesn’t need to worry or have weird thoughts.

In order to help him through his fear, I have come up with a plan for him. As with most children on the spectrum, having a plan in concrete steps is much easier to manage and internalize. Some of the options I have given him for his plan include his favorite activities and play to his strengths so that they are easy for him to remember and try.

Girls just wanna have fun

TGIF, people! My gal pal, Miss C, is in town visiting. Guess what that means? Chocolate and chick flicks! I've had a busy week, so I'm ready to chillax to the max! I'm thinking it will be a put-your-feet-up-and-watch-a-funny-girly-movie-and-overindulge-in-coffee-and-all-sorts-of-chocolate kind of a day.

So, to celebrate that the weekend is once again upon us and that I will be taking a little sanity break with my friend, I thought I'd recycle the post I wrote that describes what I have planned today. There is an update since I wrote that post in March...both of my boys are now in school full day, which means we can watch our movie uninterrupted. Yessssss! Can you hear the angels singing?

Happy Friday to all! Now, be good readers and click here to see the original post. There's even a picture of Johnny Depp! :-) 

Flashback Friday: Mom Caves

TGIF! I thought I would try something new today. In thinking about how I wish I had a Personal Assistant (or 2...yes, definitely 2!) and how I would love to take a spontaneous vacation to regroup a little bit, I remembered the post I wrote about the Mom Cave trend. How relevant!

So, I'm going to take it easy today and offer you up a most excellent recycled post. See, I really am a bit crunchy and green!

For your viewing pleasure, click here to read all about Mom Caves and why I'll never have one.

Do you have a Mom Cave?

I read an article about the latest home décor trend: Mom Caves. We’ve all heard of Man Caves, where guys can throw back a beer surrounded by the smell of motor oil and the glare of a big screen TV. Or, something like that. Well, apparently it’s now mom’s turn to have a cave.  

Do you have a hobby? I imagine claiming a space (a la Mom Cave) where you can pursue your specific interests would be very inspiring. Do you remember on the show Will and Grace how Will had always dreamed of creating a room solely for the purpose of gift wrapping? How many scrapbookers wish they had their own in-home scrapbooking studio?

I envision a Mom Cave being a space where you could spend time doing the things you love without interruption. For me, it would be a quiet space with a comfy chair and sofa, good lighting, lots of books, serene music, my laptop, and a door with a lock. It would essentially be a super comfortable office where I could relax enough to take a nap, if I so desired.

Do I think I’ll ever have a Mom Cave? Nope, not really. I don’t see how I could find the space. I essentially rule over the entire house as it is. I also don’t know how I would find the time to use my Mom Cave enough to make it worth the hassle and expense of creating such a tranquil spot in the first place. Once I got in there, I don’t know how I would be able to block out the loud signs of life outside the door, other than perhaps the soothing sounds of a jet engine in the background. And, I know I would feel somewhat guilty for having a special spot when no one else did in quite the same way.

The concept of a Mom Cave sure is fun to daydream about. It might be more of a Real Housewives thing…you know: money to burn, more space than you need, and the nanny to help. In my world, it’s not very realistic.

How do you create time and space for enjoying the things you love? Do you have a Mom Cave? If so, tell me about it! I want to drool in jealousy over the details.

Chocolate and Chick Flicks

Girls just wanna have fun, right? Well for me, I love it when my awesome gal pal, Miss C, heads to town and we do our famous Chocolate and Chick Flicks extravaganza. Upon her arrival, we both get out our laptops and head to Redbox.com. Imagine 2 women in side-by-side recliners with dueling laptops. We each pick out our top 1 or 2 movies and then take turns watching the trailers together. Whichever one gets the most laughs or mentions of cuteness and/or chick-flickiness wins. We reserve our selection and head out. On our way to the store we formulate our battle plan, plotting which areas of the store to pillage and plunder in order to acquire our chocolate hideousness delectableness.

Miss C is in town visiting today! I have to tell you, it’s been really hard for me to restrain myself from renting a movie in the past week. There are a couple of new releases out that fit the chick flick bill, and I’ve almost succumbed at least once. I chose to be patient for the greater good!

Now we’ll have to wait for the perfect opportunity to view our chick flick without interruption. Typically, that happens when the boys are at school, or in the afternoon during “quiet time.” Sometimes we start the movie in the morning when the boys are at school and then finish it in the afternoon during designated quiet time. Let me tell you, I’ve become a huge fan of closed captioning so that I can keep the volume lower when the kids are home (in case there’s any bad language, etc.), so I don’t miss any of the dialogue.

You might be wondering what quiet time is. It’s something I started when Monkey was a baby and I’ve kept it up ever since. After Prince Charming was born, and all the trouble we had with his reflux and sleeping habits, quiet time became almost like religion around here. With quiet time, I knew I could count on a little chunk of time to do stuff like: 1) go to the bathroom, 2) actually sit down and eat some food, 3) pay bills, and 4) the holy grail itself, take a shower that’s long enough that you can actually shave your legs if you want to (not to be confused with the barely-get-your-body-wet-and-then-have-to-jump-out-really-fast-because-while-straining-your-ears-to-listen-over-the-sound-of-the-water-you-hear-crying shower).  

Right after lunch at least one of the boys would take a nap and I eventually got them on the same schedule. Depending on how long the nap went, quiet time could be a half-hour, it could be 2 hours, or anything in-between. The one stipulation, whether sleep was involved or not, was that both boys had to go into their rooms, keep the door shut, and spend a little time alone. Keeping the door shut actually came about from all of the sleep problems the boys were having. Naps were always better when I shut their doors and turned on a fan in the hall (which I still do to this day). As we moved past the nap stage, I would have them bring in a couple of their favorite toys (that were quiet), books, etc., and play with those things while quiet time was observed.

Moms need a little break now and then and quiet time has been my regularly-scheduled sanity savior. Some days you just need a few moments, and the simple act of eating a snack or watching a quick reality show (guilty pleasure!) helps you plug back in to the rest of the day feeling better. It doesn’t have to be long, but for me, it is necessary.

The boys have always loved quiet time! Even if I don’t have quiet time planned during the weekend, they will often request to have it anyway. It’s always interesting to see them do this when we have visitors over. The last time my Dad was in town, they were fighting over who got to spend quiet time with Grandpa. So, I set a timer for 10 minutes and Grandpa went from one room to the other every 10 minutes. They had lots of fun! 

As for today, I’m looking forward to hanging out with Miss C. I hope to get our chick flick in before the boys get home from school. I can hardly wait to figure out what movie we’ll rent and what kinds of chocolate we decide to pig out on. There’s nothing better than getting to spend time with a great friend while enjoying a good movie (that the men will never watch with you) and consuming copious amounts of apply-directly-to-the-hips chocolate. Chocolate: It’s what’s for breakfast! Right? Now that’s what I call a day!      

Rockin' mama

If you see a woman driving a mom-mobile with autism bumper stickers on the back, listening to way-too-loud music while seat dancing and/or head-banging, just avert your eyes and pardon the visual. I’ve had a day and this is my therapy.  

When I’ve had a particularly terrible day, it’s not unusual for me to call my husband and pertly inquire, “Honey, what time do you think you’ll be leaving work today?” He knows to be wary of my superficially calm tone, and that my question is actually code for “Why the heck haven’t you already left work? Don’t you know I’m going to kill the kids if you don’t get here soon?”

Sensing that he should tread lightly, he might reply with, “What happened? Is everything okay?” If I answer his questions and launch into a summary of the offending events with a calm voice that eventually breaks into silence (due to me attempting to stifle the tears and forthcoming ugly sobbing), he has learned to wait for a moment to see if I begin to audibly cry or if I regain composure enough to finish my story. He knows that if he hears crying, it’s time to give me some gentle words of encouragement and begin to wrap up work and try to get home as soon as he can.

Being the good husband that he is, he generally calls me from the car when he is well on his way home, giving me a glimmer of hope that I will indeed have a moment of respite soon. If things continued to be awful between my original phone call to him and his subsequent arrival home, he can often find me doing one of two things. First, I could be in the bedroom taking a mommy time out. Crying may or may not be involved. Second, I could be taking out my frustration by cleaning. Dirty dishes, laundry, and sticky kitchen counters beware of the mommy cleaning machine.

After he’s arrived home, Titan takes a minute to assess how severe my funk is and then determines what to do from there. If it’s bad, he’ll often ask, “What should I make for dinner tonight?” I’ll reply with, “I had planned to bake some chicken and steam some broccoli, but frankly, you can make whatever you want.” This is generally followed with him asking me, “Do you want to go for a drive? You can grab some dessert or something.”

Dear Lord, thank you for giving me the most wonderful husband in your entire creation. He knows that on days like these I could care less about dinner, I need to take a moment to fully get away from the kids, and I need chocolate. Copious amounts of chocolate. Stat.

I hastily grab my stuff and escape to the car. First things first. Music. I need something with a beat that I can turn up and sing loudly with. Oh, and the car dancing. Think the Saturday Night Live Roxbury guys bobbing their heads to Haddaway's, “What is Love.” 

Once I have the music situated, it’s all about the drive. For me, driving is therapeutic. As a child, I used to enjoy going on long drives with my parents. It was my family’s way of relaxing and enjoying the weekend. We’d drive into the mountains, out to the coast, or take some back roads around town to see some different neighborhoods. I love to drive. There is a sense of freedom that comes with getting in the car and going somewhere, even when there is no destination in mind.

I usually start out my journey wandering around some of the roads near my house, weaving my way eventually to the grocery store. But while I’m in the car, I’m jammin’ to the music. I know I look ridiculous. I know my windows are vibrating. I know you can hear the music when you’re next to me on the road. You know what? Deal with it! I’ve had a bad day and I’m finally starting to feel better.

It doesn’t take very long for my mood to lift, especially when the music is really good. Then I head to the store and buy chocolate. There may be several different kinds. Yes, I feel like chocolate cake is in order for this evening. Ooh, and maybe some cookie dough ice cream, too. Oh yeah. I walk out of the store with a bag full of sugar coma-inducing junk and drive home with a smile on my face and a head that’s bobbing to the music. As I walk into the house, I am a fully-functioning mom again. And, I have chocolate to look forward to sharing with my husband after the kids are in bed. Yippee! This night is looking better and better.     

So, if you are out some evening and hear my music before you can see that I’m getting my groove on, just remember that I’ve had a craptastic day and that I’m starting to feel better. Rather than gawk, just give me a knowing nod (even though I know you think I’m a crazy lady) and I’ll continue working toward redeeming my evening so that I can return home as a mommy restored.