The bus is late! Oh my!

It happens to everyone who has a kid that rides the bus. At some point, the bus will be late. It's just one of those things.

Monkey can be a worry wart. He becomes very concerned when the bus is late and I try to reassure him that it's okay and he won't get in trouble at school. When the bus finally does show up, he will make comments to the driver just to make sure that they know they're late and that he will be late to school because of it.

I always smile to the driver and wave.

Well, today we had icy weather to wake up to. It was in the mid-to-high 20's outside. While Prince Charming was snug and warm inside on the couch under a blanket, Monkey and I were huddled together in the dark, waiting for the bus outside. It wasn't helping that I had just come down with another cold right after I had gotten over my Christmas/New Years cold.

Time passed. No bus.

More time passes. Still no bus.

Monkey is starting to pace a little bit, and he's walking further out to get a better view of whether or not he can see if the bus is coming. Each time, nothing.

I check the time again and the bus is now more than 15 minutes late. I have a good relationship with the driver since Monkey is the only one on this particular special transportation route. Usually she texts me or calls me, and I've heard nothing from her or from the transportation department at the district about the status of the bus. I wonder if she's out sick today. Monkey had a substitute driver yesterday afternoon... It's probably why I hadn't heard anything.

I pull out the ice scraper and come up with a plan. I tell Monkey that I'm going to go ahead and start prepping the car in the event that I need to take him to school, but we are going to give it a little bit more time and see what happens.

The ice is layered in such a way that it doesn't do me much good to scrape the windows, so I go inside and get my car keys and start up the car to start the thawing out process.

I check the time again. The bus is now over 20 minutes late. Okay, it's time to call the transportation department! I get on the phone and tell them that the bus is very late and we've been standing outside in the cold while I am sick. I am promptly put on hold with dispatch while they look into the status of his bus.

Monkey and I watch the exhaust billowing from the car in the frosty air. The windshield wipers finally come free from their icy position and begin to work. We listen to the rubbery scrape while the car idles. It seems we are the only ones awake and moving in the chilly dark of the morning.

"Yes, hello? Well, it appears that there is a problem with the bus and it is not operating. I can try to get another bus dispatched to him for you but I would need to find out exactly how long that would take."

Bitter, ugly thoughts jump around in my head, but I do not utter them out loud.

"Ummm, I don't think that's necessary. While I've been on hold with you, I've been de-icing my car. I'll go ahead and take him to school myself. Next time I would appreciate a call to let me know if the bus is not coming. Thank you." I coughed loudly for effect before I hung up. I'm a teeny bit passive-agressive that way.

I go back into the house and tell Prince Charming he needs to get his coat and shoes on because we have to take his brother to school. He complains bitterly, but complies.

I wouldn't want to get out from under the blanket either. And, it's a change in his routine. I understand why it's hard for him. But, I don't have much patience. I feel like crap, I'm cold, I'm irritated, and Monkey is already late for school.

It occurs to me to call the teacher to let him know what's happening. By doing so, I was able to reassure Monkey that his teacher knows he'll be late and that he said it would be fine. Monkey liked hearing that his teacher said, "I'll see him when he gets here!"

I go back outside and quickly discover that my car doors are frozen shut. Like completely. Not moving a millimeter. Frozen.

Great.

I head back inside and see Prince Charming is ready to go, thank God. I run the faucet until I get really hot water while I search the cabinets for a pitcher. Prince Charming comes outside with me and both the boys watch while I pour the hot water over the doors. They watch the steam rising from the car and the ice melting off. The doors magically open. Voila! They pile into the car, and we are off! Monkey is now over 30 minutes past when his bus should have arrived and he is most definitely late for school.

We head down the road, and I quickly run over the events of the morning in my head. I realize something pretty significant.

Monkey didn't get upset. He wasn't excessively worried. The most intense thing he did was pace a little and watch for the bus quietly.

I was amazed. I was proud.  Maybe my reassurances all of these years are finally soaking in. Who knows?

"Hey, kid. I wanna tell you that I'm really proud of the way you handled the bus situation this morning. I know it's hard for you to be late and I'm happy that you didn't worry too much about the bus. Like I told you before, you'll get to school no matter what, because if the bus can't take you, I will. You can count on that. Hey...I have an idea!"

"What?"

"Well, since you did such a good job this morning by being flexible and not feeling upset about the bus, I was thinking about a possible surprise. But, if we do the surprise, it means you're going to be another 5 minutes late to school. You can choose what you want to do. If you want to go straight to school, then that's what we'll do. If you're okay being a few more minutes later than we already are, then I'll tell you my idea."

He paused for a moment, assessing his options. "I'll be okay if we are 5 more minutes late. What's the surprise?"

"How about we get some hot chocolate on the way to school because you did such a good job?"

"I knew it!"

"Yeah, I figured you did, kiddo."

Image Source

And with that, Monkey and Prince Charming got to enjoy a very rare treat while in the car on an icy morning on the way to Monkey's school all because the bus was late.

When we got to the school, Monkey was very calm. He got his attendance slip from the office and walked down the hall to his class while Prince Charming and I told him goodbye. He did such a good job. It was well worth a little treat.

One thing I've learned with my boys is to celebrate the small wins. It's not often that you get a huge win, so recognize the little steps that are gained and make sure your child knows that you see them happening. Sometimes a little hot chocolate on the way to school can be a very good thing.

The saving grace of going back to school

When summer draws to a close and school starts again, I think what many of you do:

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

 

I crack up whenever I see this video!

How did your summer go? Did you survive? Did your children survive?

We did okay. Not great. Not horrible. Just okay. Prince Charming lost his ESY (extended school year) services. Monkey somehow managed to keep his ESY, although they cut his hours in half. I’m sorry, but 12 hours over an entire summer isn’t super helpful. Whatever. That’s another conservation for another day… We happen to love our ESY teachers, and something is better than nothing.

Last spring I found a local Groupon-type deal for a beginner’s karate class and thought it would be a perfect summer activity. It would be a good, healthy, and inexpensive way to add a routine to our summer schedule. At the beginning of summer Prince Charming was dying to go and Monkey would launch into tears at the mere mention of it. My how things changed once they started going to the class! Monkey enjoyed himself immensely and managed to earn his white belt. Prince Charming refused to participate and would launch into a meltdown at the drop of a hat. And, that’s one more conversation for another day…   

Despite summer preparations including a newly defined reward schedule, a list of expected behaviors, and lists/charts around the house for regular routines, the break from school was not easy. It never is. I did my best to set things and prepare so that the summer would be simple and straightforward, but life has a way of changing things up sometimes.  

In fact, we saw some significant regression over the summer with Prince Charming. The words, “I told you so” (directed to the school district in regard to their removal of services) come to mind. His sensory system became quite a bit more reactive, and I found myself needing to equip him with a sensory toolkit just to leave the house each day. We haven’t had to do things to that level in a quite some time and it was disheartening to see him react so easily and quickly escalate into meltdowns.

The boys also found their brotherly voices over the summer break. And by brotherly voices, I refer to their constant bickering, yelling, screaming, fighting, kicking, and general disdain toward one another. The silver lining to that cloud is that it is all very neurotypical behavior, so I had to remind myself of that as I could feel my head wanting to explode repeatedly.

As summer wore on, there was a general shortening of my fuse. At times I possess a large amount of patience; other times, well…not so much. I have been told by parents and professionals on various occasions that they are impressed with my patience and calm demeanor around my kids when they are acting up. I am no saint, that’s for sure.

I found myself getting irritated more quickly and the general noise level began to really bother me. My house has never been a quiet place, but during the summer ear plugs should be standard issue.

Needless to say, my nonprofit work and blog writing came to a grinding halt. You may have noticed I was almost completely absent here on Caffeinated Autism Mom during the summer months. Now you know why. I can’t write or work in a chaotic environment. My brain doesn’t function that way. I can only filter so much and then at a certain point I just can’t do anything productive.

During the summer I actually had my first migraine in years, and there were also a couple of multiple-day headaches thrown in there for good measure. At a certain point I became ugly mommy with a bad attitude that could raise her voice at the drop of a hat. I’m not proud of that. It’s not a shining moment for me at all.

I hadn’t truly realized how much my attitude had changed until one day things were particularly rough. The boys were bound and determined to fight like cats and dogs and I had simply had it. I was DONE. And, I yelled. Loudly. In no uncertain terms, I laid down the law and separated them. Since they obviously couldn’t be near each other without having a problem, I took away that choice for the afternoon.

Later that day in a quiet moment when peace had been mostly restored, Prince Charming came to sit with me and said that he was looking forward to school so that I wouldn’t be mad anymore.

Knife to the heart.

Within the same hour, Monkey told me that I needed a break. He then told me that when he and Prince Charming started back to school again he thought I would be happier. That effectively twisted the knife.

I felt as small as a gnat.

I took each of the boys aside and apologized for my behavior. I talked with them about why I was having a hard time and what they could do to help so that we could all be happier.

School started the next day. I did not do a celebratory dance or take a nap or eat a bucket full of chocolate. I felt sad. I was relieved for the quiet, but I was sad that our summer ended the way it did. I can’t fix it or make it better. I can only try to do better next time.     

I will tell you that I noticed an immediate shift in my demeanor. When the boys got home from school, I was eager to talk with them about their day. I was 100% clued in, sharing the moment with them and truly happy to hear all that they had to say. I could feel my blood pressure lower and my jaw un-clench. My joy had returned, and it only took one day with a 4-hour break from the boys to do it.

It really is the most wonderful time of the year.   

   

Flashback Friday: Think Pink!

We made it to Friday! Happy happy, joy joy!

One of the things my boys love to do on the weekend is watch Pink Panther after breakfast. They like to have cuddle time with daddy in the big recliner under a fuzzy blanket while they watch their show. With 2 very warm boys in his lap and a jazzy, dialog-free cartoon playing in the background, Titan usually catches a quick nap. It's a nice, mellow routine for a weekend morning.  

Click here to read about how we rediscovered Pink Panther and why it's one of our favorite cartoons.  

Hope you have a great Friday and a great weekend!

Good morning to me!

Whose house did I wake up in this morning? Whose children are these? Am I still dreaming? Am I in the matrix? Neo? Pinch me!

Well, apparently this is my house and these are my kids. Normally, I run a very tight ship in the morning. Things are literally scheduled to the exact minute. In order to get everything done with the least amount of resistance, we parade around in carefully choreographed movements, with me as the conductor. This precise timing and routine is the only way I can get 2 kids with 2 different lunches and 2 different backpacks onto 2 different buses headed to 2 different schools, all within 30 minutes of each other. The schedule is a necessity, particularly when you’ve got kids that need routine to function properly.

At one time, we had to use a picture schedule every day. It made the difference between having a decent day versus one full of meltdowns. Our current structure is based upon the success we had while using a picture board.

So, imagine my surprise this morning when I woke up to both kids out of bed and quietly starting their day. No fighting. No monkeying around. No yelling. No running. Just productivity. Really, who are these kids?

I stumbled out of the bedroom in my sweats and slippers to see Prince Charming in the bathroom. What? That should happen 20 minutes from now! Whenever I suggest we move up using the bathroom to before breakfast, he always pitches a fit. But, he’s in there. Willingly. Going. And, it’s not time for that yet! I mask the surprise on my face and walk by nonchalantly saying, “Good morning, honey.” I don’t want to jinx it by mentioning the fact that he’s in there and that I’m proud of him. That could make Grumpy Badger come out of hiding, and I’d rather keep Prince Charming around this morning, thankyouverymuch.

As I’m walking down the hall I hear a beeping sound. It’s too early and I haven’t had my coffee yet. I can’t place the sound and I’m starting to feel a little concern as I hear the sound repeat. What is that? I turn the corner into the kitchen and see Monkey standing in front of the toaster over opening it up and hitting the “stop” button. What is this? I try to force my brain to jump into overdrive so that I can process the information in front of me. Giving my brain a second to turn itself on I say, “Good morning, sweetie.” Then it hits me. Monkey has made his own breakfast!

Words start tumbling out of his mouth and I follow what he’s saying with my eyes, taking it all in. “Hi, mommy! I made waffles.” I see that he had climbed onto the counter to grab a plate from the cupboard, and that he got the applesauce out from the fridge. He had obviously pulled the frozen waffles out and placed some on the rack inside the toaster oven. He had set the timer and done everything correctly. Wow! I’m sort of stunned. I see that he’s not sure how to get the waffles out of the toaster oven because everything is so hot. So, I quickly turn from happy and dumbstruck observer back into mommy mode.

Now, let’s take a moment here to discuss the significance of this. Monkey has always had significant tactile defensiveness, meaning he can barely bring himself to touch stuff that is wet, slimy, or excessively cold or hot. Let’s see here. Frozen waffles…are cold and they make your fingers wet when you touch your warm fingers to them. And, I already told you about Prince Charming’s need for routine, and how doing things out of order is very uncharacteristic. Both of these things are big deals. Big. And they happened simultaneously!

Getting back to our story, I show Monkey how he can use a utensil to safely pull out the hot toaster oven rack and slide the waffles onto the plate. I demonstrate with one and he does the rest, following my example. Then, he tips the jar of applesauce over and pours out a dollop onto each waffle, just the way he likes it. Well, there’s also applesauce all over the plate and part of the counter, but we won’t worry about that right now.

He walks his plate of food carefully over to his chair just as Prince Charming enters the room. They both sit down to run through the rest of their routine as previously scheduled. I pull out their vitamins and am silently marveling about what I just experienced. It’s soaking in. Yes, this really did just happen. I’m proud of my boys, and I share that with them. They flash me their dazzling smiles and the rest of our morning routine is flawless. I even had time to talk and cuddle with Monkey before he left for the bus.

I could get used to this. Here’s hoping for a repeat sometime soon.