My experience with homelessness

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Never in my life did I expect to welcome a homeless man into my home to temporarily live with my family, but here we are.

For purposes of this blog, I’m going to call this man Jester because he’s a bit of a goofball. In the short time Jester has been with us, he has taught me a lot. First let me make a clarification, because I know you are wondering why we would make this kind of a choice.

Jester is a long-time friend of my husband’s. They had fallen out of touch years ago and had reconnected via my Facebook account a few years ago. Even though I had heard about him a lot in the past 16 years that my husband and I have been together, I had never met Jester until he moved in with us.

We got a call one night from him asking for help, and within an hour he was in our home. While Titan was out picking him up, I was hurriedly getting the kids into bed and prepping the house for his arrival, making sure there were clean sheets for him on our hide-a-bed, and that there was tea ready for all of us when they walked in the door. I knew it was going to be a long night of chatting, and I was right.

I was overwhelmed with his stories of the things he had been through, including a very recent and sudden separation from his wife. It was all so heartbreaking and surreal.

Growing up as a cop’s daughter, a healthy distrust is part of my nature. I often think of things with the filter of safety and security, and I obviously had concerns about whether or not I could trust this man to be with me and the boys while Titan was at work. Since Titan had zero worries, I knew we would be okay. Since then I have been working to systematically let go of my automatic mama bear reflex around him, and I feel like I’ve kept an open mind and have actually gotten to know him pretty well. He's a very nice guy and I can totally understand why he and my husband are friends.

When you look at him, you can see that life has been hard. When you hear his story, you can’t help but feel sorry for his experiences. I often find myself thinking about how I have reacted to homeless people in the past…with a very healthy dose of skepticism. Are their stories legitimate or are they fabricated to make you feel sorry for them? Are they trying to manipulate? Do they have good intentions? I will admit that all of those thoughts have crossed my mind in regard to Jester.

What I have found is that the boys absolutely love him. They ask if he will be home when they get back from school or when they wake up. One day when Monkey was getting off the bus, before I could even say “hi” to him, he asked me if Jester was here. When I said “yes” he was visibly relieved and excited to run into the house to find him. Seeing their pure love for him is really something, and I know it is having a positive impact on Jester.

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and that even if you have bad experiences, those experiences will teach you something you need to know for later down the line. In other words, God has a plan, even if you don’t agree with it or understand it at the time. I can't help but feel this way for Jester and have shared that with him. As a Christian man, he also believes it to be true. And, even though it is adding financial strain to our lives to have him here, I am happy with our decision and have faith that God has a plan for us in this situation as well. 

Since Jester moved in, we have been helping him connect with resources, including things for veterans and for his old hobby and sport, karate. What we are finding is that some people really do have huge hearts. Jester is using his former black belt status to get him back into training, and he is being allowed to help teach classes at the dojo where Monkey takes karate. As it turns out, both Jester and Monkey's karate teacher studied at the same place when they were younger, so it’s a great fit. God has a way of working things out! 

Jester’s heart has been so lifted since we helped him make this particular connection, and he is thrilled to be doing something that he loves and that is so positive for not only him, but for others as well. It’s also been great for Monkey, because he gets to practice with Jester here at the house. Jester is eager to learn about autism and how to work with Monkey, and Monkey has made great strides with his technique in just the past few days. I think it will be a growth opportunity for both of them and they will learn a lot from each other.

I have no idea how long Jester will be with us, but we are taking it one day at a time. Jester has singlehandedly challenged all of my preconceived notions about homelessness. And, because some of the things he has gone through hit a bit close to home, he has also helped me realize how close we all can be to that kind of a situation. It really can happen to anyone. My perspective has grown and my boys seem to be enriched by the experience of having him here. 

Who knew that the arrival of a homeless man to my door would turn out to be a blessing in disguise?      

You have a spine! Now use it!

This story starts with a keychain. A spinal column keychain.


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About 6 years ago I was just beginning my journey of understanding autism. I was trying desperately to connect with support groups in order to get some help with my boys. There were only a few groups in my area at the time, and they all seemed to be falling apart to some degree or another.

I managed to find a group that I really liked, and although it was slipping into oblivion, the leader took some time to connect with me. She saw my earnestness. She became my mentor. She became my friend. She helped me to become the mother, advocate, and leader that I am today.

One day she showed me her spinal column keychain. She told me that every parent of a child with autism or other special needs needed to have one. I gave her a cursory nod, but truly didn’t understand the importance of what she was telling me.

I get it now. I completely get it.

At the beginning of my family’s journey, I was going through the motions because I didn’t really know what else to do. I spent many nights up at all hours, scouring the vast Google universe, trying to glean whatever knowledge I could about autism, schooling, therapies and the like.

The word “advocacy” was an enigma. I knew it at a visceral level, but I didn’t truly understand what it meant.

I continued to learn. I began to question the status quo. I began to demand more. My kids deserved more. I became a more powerful and informed mother.

I realized I had a spine and I needed to use it. I needed to no longer be afraid, but be strong and stand for what I believed in for my kids. I needed to consider myself the expert. I was THE expert and I had to trust myself in that role, even more than putting my trust in so-called experts with lots of letters behind their name. I AM THE EXPERT.

Things will never be the same as they used to be, because I became an advocate.

As you know, I run a nonprofit organization and a support group. Advocacy is part of my job. The words, “find your spine and use it” are now the foundation of all advocacy training I do with families. It is that important. It is the first step to becoming an advocate for your child.

Advocacy is a bit of a game. A dance, really.

Parents need to feel empowered and claim their expertise regarding their own children. If they can’t do that, or aren’t willing to try, then they won’t get very far. And, they certainly won’t get their children what they need. You will need to learn how to hold other experts accountable for their particular responsibilities in your child’s life. In doing so, your child will be better served.

Advocacy doesn’t automatically mean a battle. But, it means you need to think like a warrior. You need to be proactive, and you need to be willing to stand for what you believe in. You need to find your inner mama bear and arm yourself with information and intention.

Preparation will put you in a better position to get what you need for your child. The proof is in the pudding, and in this case, documentation is king. Whoever has the best data wins. Take notes about everything because you never know when you will need a particular tidbit of information to prove a point or make a case.

This not only applies to educational advocacy, it applies to medical advocacy and more. When you know what you need and you aren’t afraid to ask for it, and you have documentation to prove your point of view, then you will have infinitely more success.

Parents who always defer to the “authority” or the “expert” will generally be treated as a doormat. It might not feel that way at first because everyone is being so helpful to you and your child. But, this helpful attitude can sometimes come from a place of them being allowed to do whatever they want and not having to be questioned about anything in the process. The cooperative parent is always the easiest for them to deal with and they’ll have smiles on their faces when they see you coming. But, over time, your rose-colored glasses will become less rosy as your child gets older. You will begin to see the holes and issues as they really are.

I feel sorry for the children of parents who don’t want to deal with anything because it’s too overwhelming, and they would rather completely bury their head in the sand. Those parents will not get very far until they are willing to see the truth for what it is. And, sometimes the truth is ugly. Avoiding the truth isn’t helping the kids that really need the help. I worry about the long-term future of children in these types of situations.  

I have seen over and over again that experts respect an informed parent. They will treat you differently when you have demonstrated your expertise and that you are willing to ask questions and hold them accountable. They will recognize that they can’t get away with steamrolling you, pulling the wool over your eyes, or placating you as a distraction. They will treat you as an equal and you will often get much further toward the desired outcome for your child.

It's always best to use a personality of sugar and spice and everything nice, but you have to also be willing to let them hear the mama bear growl in all the right places so that they know you mean business. Only unleash the mama bear when necessary. If you overdo it, then you are shooting yourself in the foot. A constant negative personality or an attitude that doesn’t consider compromise will get you nowhere fast, and you will find the experts will fight you harder and longer than before. And, that is something that none of us want.  

There are exceptions to every rule, and I’ve seen my fair share of them. But, as a general rule, parents who have found their spine and are willing to use it, will get much further to help their children than those who are wet noodles.

I encourage you to think about your spine and how it relates to being a better advocate for your child. It certainly isn’t easy, but please find your spine and stand tall with me…for all of our kids.     

The rollercoaster of change

I try hard to be real with you. I try to be authentic. I’m not about giving you only the best version of myself and my kids. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you probably know that I keep things fairly eclectic. I go from serious topics to recipes to humor to a myriad of other things, and I try to keep things light whenever possible. Humor is one of the best coping tools I’ve got.  

I’m going to be honest.

I’m struggling.

I work hard at many things. In order to keep my head above water and not be overwhelmed by everything going on in my life, I put on an exterior of positivity and confidence. It’s not a cocky thing. It’s not a fake façade. It serves a purpose. You know, one of those “create your reality” trains of thought. I know I won’t do any good to myself or anyone else if I wallow in all of my problems, so I don’t. It’s a deliberate choice, and I think it works for me most of the time.

But, I’m struggling. I couldn’t fall asleep tonight because I couldn’t stop thinking about things, and the emotions were too intense to allow me to sleep. So, I got back up to write this post. Since I started this blog, I have found that writing posts can be quite therapeutic. It helps me process what’s going on in my life so that it somehow feels more manageable. Writing is another one of my coping tools.

While change can be good, it feels really scary right now.

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I was at a place where I felt our family was more stable with the boys’ behaviors, their schooling, and even our finances were starting to slightly improve. None of it has been easy. However, if our past is any indication, getting comfortable usually means change is about to happen. I never seem to see it coming. You’d think I’d be used to the rollercoaster effect by now, but I’m surprised every single time we crest the hill and come screaming down into a new challenge.

Spring has typically been a hard time of year for us, so I know I shouldn’t be surprised. Spring Break in particular has been a time of regression for my boys in the past. And yes, we are smack dab in the middle of Spring Break right now. I don’t know what it is about the “spring forward” time change, the plants blooming and growing, and things happening with my boys, but there is something there.

I learned very recently that Monkey is having some issues that are affecting him much more than I previously realized. I don’t think he deliberately tried to hide anything from me, but he just has a hard time communicating what’s going on when it involves emotions. It’s easier for him to suppress things than to talk about them, because talking about it makes him very uncomfortable.

Of course, then I have immediate guilt about being too distracted from my nonprofit work to notice if there had been any silent signals from him. It’s a mother’s job to know. Was I paying enough attention?

Monkey is a very complex individual. He is layered like an onion. I continuously find there is more going on with him than meets the eye. It’s just really hard to get some of his layers to peel back so that I can gain a better understanding.

I immediately reached out for some psychological assistance to discuss my specific concerns, and was able to get in to talk with someone highly regarded for their work with autism. Monkey had his first appointment on Monday – on the first day of Spring Break. Fitting, isn’t it?

I have no idea how we are going to pay for it. I just know he needs it.

At about the same time I was figuring out the issues with Monkey, I learned that Prince Charming is struggling socially at school. Since he started talking, this has not been a huge concern for me. He has been much more social than Monkey, and I didn’t think I’d need to worry about that so much with him. Well, I was wrong.

And, with Autism Awareness Month, this is one of the busiest times of the year for me in my nonprofit work. It’s the height of event season and I’ve been at a dead run for God knows how long. I’m exhausted. That’s why I’ve been scarce here on the blog, because I’m too tired to keep my eyes open long enough to type anything coherent for you to read.

In the past week my Grandma was placed on hospice. It was not unexpected, but it’s still hard to grasp. Her brain doesn’t seem to be failing her, but her body is. I am thankful that I was able to go down and see her again last week and have her video chat with the boys on my cell phone. She thought that was a hoot. I haven't yet figured out how to prepare the boys for her eventual passing. Frankly, I don't know how I will deal with it for myself either.   

Tonight I learned that my parents will likely be moving back out of state. They only came back to Washington about 2 years ago, after having missed a good portion of the boys’ childhood. It was such a blessing to have my parents back and involved in their lives again. I have no idea what I will tell the boys to make them understand why they are moving. I think it will have a huge impact on Monkey in particular, who is already struggling to talk about things that make him sad. Having his Grandpa and Grandma move away will be hard for him to process.

And, I’m sad for me. I will miss being able to pop by their house. I’ll also miss the big surprise we got every time they showed up at our door unannounced and the kids went wild with excitement. And, I’ll miss all of the coffee dates my dad and I would squeeze in when the kids were at school. The thought of all that going away in light of everything else simmering in the background was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

So, I'm struggling.

I know this stuff is small potatoes for a lot of people. I also know that there are much bigger problems in the world.

But, for tonight, I’m allowing myself to fall to pieces over all of the changes that I don’t feel ready for, so that tomorrow I can hopefully re-focus and press forward.     

 

I think, therefore my head hurts.

There are a few posts I wanted to write in the past couple of weeks, but things have just not materialized. My mind is swimming right now with everything going on in my life.

I feel like I've been notably absent from the blog recently and I probably needed to at least check in and let you guys know I'm still here. I'm alive and kicking, but I'm always on the go! I barely have time to eat, much less write a witty, awesome post for you to read! Because, as you know, ALL of my posts are witty and awesome! (Did I just hear a retching sound somewhere?)

I have been so busy working on the nonprofit - having meetings, advocating, speaking, writing, event planning, thinking, reading, strategizing, organizing, creating and dreaming - that I've barely been home the past two weeks. Make that this month. Well, if I'm honest with myself, I've been at a dead run since the end of February. 

Last week I realized that in only a few more weeks, school is out for the summer. Talk about having a heart attack right then and there! How and when did this happen? I didn't give my permission for time to move this quickly! There is so much work to be done before the end of the year!

I just have to say that even though my schedule has been out of control and insane, I'm happy. I am 1,000% passionate about the work I'm doing, even though I'm not yet funded. I could not ask for a better or more supportive husband, and I have the world's greatest friend in Miss C. Without their support, the nonprofit work would be impossible.

And you know what? People are showing up. To participate. To volunteer. There are some really great people choosing to get involved with what I'm trying to do and help me create something worthwhile and valuable to the special needs community. That right there is astounding and humbling.

When the kids are out on summer break in only a few short weeks, my schedule will clear for the first time in months. Even though I dread summer break and what that transition will mean for my boys, I think there will also be a small sense of relief as well. The thought of slowing down long enough to catch my breath is kind of thrilling! Work will not cease, but the intensity will lessen. And, this is going to sound crazy, but I'm looking forward to doing some plain old filing! I also hope to finish organizing my nonprofit's office and finally getting the last of the stuff out of boxes and into their proper places. I think that will be a good summer project.

Something deep inside me tells me that I'm doing what I need to be doing, and it's happening at the right time. I am convinced that this is going to all work out somehow. Even though there are hurdles and obstacles, things will all fall into place. Personally I have a lot of fears and worries, but God is giving me a sense of peace. Doors have been opening and I am just walking through them. In fact, I can't wait for the next doors to open so that I can walk through them, too. Bring on the doors!

That's where I'm at right now. It's a good place. A bit nuts, but good.

For the final push into summer over these next few weeks, it will be hit or miss around here. I will try to post once per week (and I'll be pretty darn proud of myself if I do more than that!). I hope to see you back here early next week when I will feature a new giveaway. Be watching for that!



You might be an autism parent if...

I recently joined Twitter at the behest of my mommy blogger friend Cari from Bubble Gum on My Shoe. You may recall her from the guest posts she did for me: Top 10 things you can go for a parent of a child with autism and The gum in my purse. She sent me a message on Twitter a day or two ago telling me to check out the #youmightbeanautismparentif thread. If you are not on Twitter, anything following a hashtag (#) is a keyword that denotes a stream of tweets under that topic. In this case the topic is: you might be an autism parent if…fill in the blank.

I got online and discovered something wonderful. She (@bubblegumcari) was right. It was amazing. It was a group of autism parents sharing little snippets of their life with autism. Some of it was freaking hilarious and some of it was utterly heartbreaking. I was quickly swept up in it and have since been participating in order to try to get it to trend on Twitter and give it the recognition it deserves. It’s been going since Sunday night, and new stuff keeps showing up all the time.

I would encourage you to check it out if you are already on Twitter. If you are not on Twitter, you might want to consider it as one more way to plug into a like-minded community who gets it. Don’t forget to follow me @CaffeineAutiMom! Once there, enter #youmightbeanautismparentif into your search box and you’ll see what I’m talking about.  

I have to tell you that it was fairly thrilling when one of my tweets got retweeted by none other than Holly Robinson Peete (@hollyrpeete)! When I saw her retweet on my feed, I think I might have squealed a little bit before I babbled about it to my husband. He seemed genuinely impressed that I made it to the big time. Yep. The big time, people. ;-)

Anyway, I thought I would share some of my own tweets as well as a few of my favorites from other people in the #youmightbeanautismparentif thread. There are so many that I can’t possibly credit everyone. I hope you enjoy!

Here are my tweets in the thread so far:

#youmightbeanautismparentif you consider an IEP meeting a date out with your husband. (This is the one that Holly Robinson Peete retweeted!)

#youmightbeanautismparentif the little triumphs and progress mean the most.

#youmightbeanautismparentif your favorite cartoon is Pink Panther because there is no dialog for your child to script. Thank you, Pink!

#youmightbeanautismparentif reading scientific papers and research studies has become a leisure activity.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you still observe "quiet time" only so you can have a little break in order to maintain your sanity.

#youmightbeanautismparent if you can whip up an amazing dinner free of gluten, dairy, and a whole host of other allergens.

#youmightbeanautismparentif your house looks like an occupational therapy clinic.

#youmightbeanautismparentif your kids say the darndest things because they use words they've memorized and don't know what they mean.

#youmightbeanautismparentif your child makes their own loud noise to drown out the quiet noise that they can't filter.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you feel like you have autism-induced OCD parenting skills - think 20 steps ahead, pre-teach, repeat, etc...

#youmightbeanautismparentif you know autism families who lost everything because insurance wouldn't pay for appropriate care and therapy.

#youmightbeanautismparentif your child is bullied and doesn't really understand it as kids being mean.

#youmightbeanautismparentif your child wears earmuffs or headphones in the summer.

#youmightbeanautismparentif your best friends in the world - the people who support you without question - are on Twitter and Facebook.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you stopped attending church regularly because it was just too much to handle.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you've turned into a medical, legal and educational expert since the diagnosis.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you've ever heard your child's screaming bouncing off the back walls of a big box store during a meltdown.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you have to leave the house with a sensory toolkit just to survive.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you hear perfectly scripted Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry, and other cartoons all day long.

#youmightbeanautismparentif your child wandered and didn't respond when you called out their name as you drove by and didn't see them.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you've ever had toys thrown at your head while driving because you dared to go a different way to the store.

Here are some of my favorites from other Tweeps (the people I’m connected with on Twitter!):

#youmightbeanautismparentif you can talk about your child's perseveration as if it was your own, even if it never comes up

#youmightbeanautismparentif many of your strongest friendships are with people you've never met in real life.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you think this is the greatest hashtag EVER

#YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf you fear days off of school because it disrupts the routine.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you have to resist feeling smug if an NT child does something inappropriate & your child didn't

#Youmightbeanautismparentif Your child has NEVER bought a school lunch.........has always brought lunch from home.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you are fighting for autism insurance reform and to end discrimination.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you speak in acronyms GFCFSF, ASD, SPD, IEP, LRE, FAPE, ABA, ADOS, DAN, PDD-NOS, PT, OT, SLP

#youmightbeanautismparentif If you child can learn more from computers and television then they can from human interaction.

#YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf You celebrate the simple things, like a peaceful car ride or a full night's sleep.

#youmightbeanautismparentif if you’re unemployed and it’s not because of the economy.

#Youmightbeanautismparentif taking a shower equals 'me time'.

#youmightbeanautismparentif this hashtag shows you the whole purpose of #Twitter.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you use tag-team parenting with your spouse. Is my turn for a time out yet?

#youmightbeanautismparentif your child IS Amelia Bedelia.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you've read enough books on #autism that you could practically be a doctor yourself

#youmightbeanautismparentif You've had to explain to ignorant people that #autism is not contagious. (true story)

#youmightbeanautismparentif one moment, you feel completely alone & the next, you're a part of a large, passionate & supportive community.

#youmightbeanautismparentif you stop going to experts for help and realise you ARE the experts!

There is MUCH more than this on Twitter. I hope you can join us and be a part of the conversation! I can’t wait to see what else shows up in this thread. Follow me @CaffeineAutiMom! You can also click on the Twitter widget to the right of this post to get started.

P.S. If you're not into the whole Twitter thing, at least "Like" my blog on Facebook! :-) We have lots of fun over at Facebook, too!

A new chapter

This weekend I was a part of something wonderful and I wanted to share it with you. I’ve been running a support group for special needs families for almost 3 years now and have been doing it as a one-woman show pretty much the entire time. I have always been happy to do it because I know that the group is needed in my area, and frankly, I need the support for myself. Each meeting I get to connect with great people. No matter the diagnosis, we all share similar struggles. And, many of the attendees I can now call my friends. The whole thing is a true blessing to me.

The best part is that I have an opportunity to learn something new at each meeting. The speakers always have great information to share and I soak it up like a sponge. I have a desire to learn, not only for myself, but for the sake of my children. This should come as no surprise. I was always a nerdy kid and got really good grades. I even went back to college (before kids!) to get my Master’s degree because I thought it would be fun. I still get weird looks about that one, especially when people learn that it wasn’t to gain fame and fortune or an executive position somewhere. I just like school, I guess. Yes, I know I’m strange.

As an aside, I’ll tell ya what that fancy and very expensive degree got me in the job department...nada. Zip. Zilch. I’ve always found a job easily, but even with an MBA and an extensive job search in the past year, I got nothin.’

I am a self-proclaimed busy body and not having a job when our family could use some financial help is not my idea of fun. To make myself feel better, I always find ways to stay busy and do work (even if it is unpaid). Helloooo, can you say blogging? Anyway, I got to thinking about how I could create my own job doing what I love. I’ve found that my mindset has changed drastically since my boys’ diagnosis. My heart is truly in the special needs community now. It’s what I am passionate about. I mean, how can I not be passionate about something that affects me every single day?

Since I started the group I’ve met hundreds of people who have children with autism and other special needs. Not one person has had an easy time of anything. We all struggle and there are some significant needs out there. I have to say that my life is pretty darn easy compared to some people I know. I recognize that and I appreciate what I have. I also see it as an opportunity to do something when others might not be able to.

I began thinking that I should take my group to the next level.

President of the Fan Club

My favorite movie for Father's Day is Finding Nemo!



One thing I’ve noticed a lot over the years is that there is never a shortage of women who complain about their husbands. Since it was Father’s Day on Sunday, there were some interesting reads out there. SPD Blogger Network featured a blog entry entitled, “Fathering is not Mothering.” CNN featured a great opinion piece from the perspective of a father on this very topic, essentially telling dads to “wake the hell up!” I liked this one so much that I also posted it on my Facebook page over the weekend.

I married an awesome guy and he turned out to be an amazing dad, too. I know I have a strong bias, but people tell me all the time what a great guy I’ve got. In fact, I was on a conference call and we got sidetracked for a moment, like women do. What do you think we ended up talking about in those moments? Men, of course! Things started to turn a bit negative when the other gals recounted some of the trouble they’d had with the men in their lives.

They all know my husband and spoke about how I found myself a great catch. I chimed in with, “Yes, I certainly did! I’m the President of his Fan Club!” They all chuckled a bit and seemed to indicate that they are members of his club, too. There were mumbled comments about whether or not he had a brother, or if we could clone him, etc. J

I know this is not the norm, especially in the case of families with children who have special needs of any kind. In many cases the added stress can easily fracture a marriage. I see it happen all the time.  

I am fortunate that my husband chips in whenever I need help. He recognizes the research and time I put in on behalf of our boys and will often defer to me. He quickly got on board when I proposed a radical diet change in our household – eliminating gluten, dairy, egg, and soy. He has worked with me on strategies to deal with behavior and sensory issues, listening to my ideas and helping me come up with new ones that are often better than my own. He stands with me in decisions and never undermines my authority. In turn, I never emasculate him and I always let him have the final say.

We know that if we are not on the same page, the kids might try to take over! So, we make it a point to communicate with each other every single day, even if it’s only for a couple of minutes. Our favorite time of the day is when the boys are in bed and we have a moment to sit next to each other and talk, or just watch a movie until we’re both groggy (or my husband falls asleep in his chair). Our favorite time of all is when we get to go out on a date! Time together without the boys allows us to recharge and connect again as a couple.

I’m thankful beyond words that God brought my husband into my life. I know I would probably be in a rubber room somewhere if he was not helping me raise our boys. It’s nice to have a day to celebrate all of his contributions to our family and to reinforce why I am the President of his Fan Club.

I hope you had a wonderful Father’s Day!

You've got a friend in me

I saw something yesterday that made me stop what I was doing. What in the world did I see? I saw the following words: “mom of child with autism – no friends.”

Where did I see these words? They were from a Google search that someone had done in order to find my blog. You see, Blogger (Google’s blogging platform) keeps certain statistics and I like to check to see how people find me here at Caffeinated Autism Mom.

I have no idea if the person who did that search and clicked on my blog stayed here to check things out (and if they did, whether or not they found anything helpful), or if they immediately left the blog, or even if they are back here reading this today.

If this person happens by some chance to be back here again today reading this very entry, Dear Reader, this is for you. You have friends. You may not have found them yet, but you have me.

Being a parent to a child with autism can be very isolating. I know this from personal experience. You feel like you can’t go out in public without stress. You worry about every possible trigger for a meltdown and how you can get through the whole day without your kid freaking out over something. You no longer feel like you have anything in common with anyone from your life before diagnosis. Your family doesn’t understand. Your friends don’t understand. You feel all of these things and much, much more. Believe me, I get it.

It doesn’t have to stay this way. Things can be better. The key is finding those moms who are just like you in your own town. You need to connect. The best ways I know how are local support groups and Facebook.

I was in such need of support a few years ago that I started my own group. But, I imagine there is probably already a great support group in your area that you just haven't found yet.

There are many ways to find these groups! Try the following: Google searches, Yahoo Groups, Meetup, etc. Also, call any number of local resources like: therapists, clinics, special education personnel at your school/school district, departments/agencies related to developmental disabilities in your town/county/state, etc. You can even look up national organizations like TACA, National Autism Association or the Autism Society to see if there are any local chapters near you. And, don’t forget to look on Facebook for groups related to autism.

Dear Reader, there’s more support available with each passing day. We are out there. We live near you. We are just like you. You have friends. You just have to meet them.