Making the world better

After a stressful week, I was bracing myself for what I thought would inevitably be a bad day. I've been spending some late nights stressing over the details of my nonprofit, knowing that I can only do so much as one person, while always wishing that I could do more. I am forever dreaming of how my life would be easier if I could only clone myself, just to help alleviate some of the heavy burdens I bear with my family, as well as the volunteer work that I am so passionate about. I'm not proud to say that at one particularly low, yet fleeting, moment while in my car contemplating the zillions of things tumbling around in my brain, I succumbed to the overwhelming need to cry. It stopped almost as fast as it began, but I guess my body had reached its maximum at that moment and needed to release whatever was pent up inside. Needless to say, I didn't hold any high hopes for the day after that.

Then, it seemed that the proverbial clouds parted. What started out seemingly dreary, turned out to be about as good as any day could have been.

One of the highlights of my day was a meeting I had with one of our nonprofit's partners, which is another local nonprofit. I won't bore you with the details (which I personally find fascinating), but the time we spent was very fruitful, and many ideas were shared, plans were made, and we parted with a renewed commitment to what we are endeavoring to do together.

However, the best part of the entire conversation was how our respective mission statements align in the idea that we are looking to change the way the community, John Q. Public, views special needs. Rather than special needs (like autism and others) marking a difference that separates and ostracizes, wouldn't it be great if special needs were normalized in such a way that the entire community helped to advocate, and in doing so, created an environment of inclusion? We had some discussion about the nuts of bolts of this kind of vision for the future, and it all comes down to thinking about what your dream is.

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What is the big picture? What do you want to accomplish? How are you going to work to make the world better for the thing you are most passionate about?

I left the meeting feeling invigorated, with a renewed sense of purpose. It added fuel to my fire, and my head was spinning with possibilities and inspiration.

Then, many other things fell into place today in just the right way with my schedule and "to do" list, and I ended up being phenomenally productive. It was odd...but I wasn't going to question it. I just wanted to ride the wave of a good day.

When the boys got home, I found out that they both had a decent day at school, that they had finished their schoolwork early (by some apparent miracle) and neither had any homework to do. The best part? They were in good enough moods that they didn't automatically catapult into their usual bickering and fighting mode after they got home. That in and of itself was a moment of relief.

We had an appointment to go to, and due to the timing of it, by the time we had to head back home it put us right in the thick of rush hour when all the commuters are heading home from their jobs in Seattle. If there's one thing you can count on in Seattle, the traffic sucks pretty much all the time. The particular area I had to travel through is known for its slowdowns, so I had no expectations of getting home at a decent time. I have learned to take the back roads, but even they can get backed up. To make matters worse, my tummy was protesting the fact that I hadn't had time to consume any food of substance all day, besides the quick coffee I grabbed after my meeting.

Remembering that I had forgotten to take something out for dinner and that we desperately needed to go to the grocery store, I was overcome with a craving for pizza. I didn't want to scrounge around for something to make for dinner when we got home! I called Titan and tried to tell him in code (so listening little ears wouldn't freak out with excitement...or dismay if plans fell through) that I wanted to meet him for pizza on our way home. Using euphemistic terms, we hatched a sly plan for remedying my hungry stomach. There is one place that is our favorite for gluten-free pizza, and that's where we headed. Luckily, there was no fighting between the boys in the car like usual, so I wasn't a complete stress case when we arrived. Traffic was actually decent, too! I was looking forward to an enjoyable meal with some of my favorite food.

After we sat down and placed our order, Prince Charming started talking. Mind you, he hadn't really conversed since we got to the restaurant.

All of a sudden he said, "Mommy?"
"Yes, sweetheart," I replied.
"I'm going to make the world a better place."

His eyes were really bright and sincere and he gave me the biggest grin, displaying his dimple. I melted on the spot.

It's almost as if he had been reading my thoughts and had been sitting in on my meeting. I don't think it was a coincidence. I think God gives us little moments like these to help us know we are on the right path. It's exactly what I needed.

I have no doubt that my little guy will make a difference in the world, and that the world will be a better place because he is in it. And, I too will try my best to make the world a better place. I'm already working on it. I can only hope that my boys will see the fruits of my labor someday.

What is your passion? What inspires you to make the world a better place?

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You have a spine! Now use it!

This story starts with a keychain. A spinal column keychain.


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About 6 years ago I was just beginning my journey of understanding autism. I was trying desperately to connect with support groups in order to get some help with my boys. There were only a few groups in my area at the time, and they all seemed to be falling apart to some degree or another.

I managed to find a group that I really liked, and although it was slipping into oblivion, the leader took some time to connect with me. She saw my earnestness. She became my mentor. She became my friend. She helped me to become the mother, advocate, and leader that I am today.

One day she showed me her spinal column keychain. She told me that every parent of a child with autism or other special needs needed to have one. I gave her a cursory nod, but truly didn’t understand the importance of what she was telling me.

I get it now. I completely get it.

At the beginning of my family’s journey, I was going through the motions because I didn’t really know what else to do. I spent many nights up at all hours, scouring the vast Google universe, trying to glean whatever knowledge I could about autism, schooling, therapies and the like.

The word “advocacy” was an enigma. I knew it at a visceral level, but I didn’t truly understand what it meant.

I continued to learn. I began to question the status quo. I began to demand more. My kids deserved more. I became a more powerful and informed mother.

I realized I had a spine and I needed to use it. I needed to no longer be afraid, but be strong and stand for what I believed in for my kids. I needed to consider myself the expert. I was THE expert and I had to trust myself in that role, even more than putting my trust in so-called experts with lots of letters behind their name. I AM THE EXPERT.

Things will never be the same as they used to be, because I became an advocate.

As you know, I run a nonprofit organization and a support group. Advocacy is part of my job. The words, “find your spine and use it” are now the foundation of all advocacy training I do with families. It is that important. It is the first step to becoming an advocate for your child.

Advocacy is a bit of a game. A dance, really.

Parents need to feel empowered and claim their expertise regarding their own children. If they can’t do that, or aren’t willing to try, then they won’t get very far. And, they certainly won’t get their children what they need. You will need to learn how to hold other experts accountable for their particular responsibilities in your child’s life. In doing so, your child will be better served.

Advocacy doesn’t automatically mean a battle. But, it means you need to think like a warrior. You need to be proactive, and you need to be willing to stand for what you believe in. You need to find your inner mama bear and arm yourself with information and intention.

Preparation will put you in a better position to get what you need for your child. The proof is in the pudding, and in this case, documentation is king. Whoever has the best data wins. Take notes about everything because you never know when you will need a particular tidbit of information to prove a point or make a case.

This not only applies to educational advocacy, it applies to medical advocacy and more. When you know what you need and you aren’t afraid to ask for it, and you have documentation to prove your point of view, then you will have infinitely more success.

Parents who always defer to the “authority” or the “expert” will generally be treated as a doormat. It might not feel that way at first because everyone is being so helpful to you and your child. But, this helpful attitude can sometimes come from a place of them being allowed to do whatever they want and not having to be questioned about anything in the process. The cooperative parent is always the easiest for them to deal with and they’ll have smiles on their faces when they see you coming. But, over time, your rose-colored glasses will become less rosy as your child gets older. You will begin to see the holes and issues as they really are.

I feel sorry for the children of parents who don’t want to deal with anything because it’s too overwhelming, and they would rather completely bury their head in the sand. Those parents will not get very far until they are willing to see the truth for what it is. And, sometimes the truth is ugly. Avoiding the truth isn’t helping the kids that really need the help. I worry about the long-term future of children in these types of situations.  

I have seen over and over again that experts respect an informed parent. They will treat you differently when you have demonstrated your expertise and that you are willing to ask questions and hold them accountable. They will recognize that they can’t get away with steamrolling you, pulling the wool over your eyes, or placating you as a distraction. They will treat you as an equal and you will often get much further toward the desired outcome for your child.

It's always best to use a personality of sugar and spice and everything nice, but you have to also be willing to let them hear the mama bear growl in all the right places so that they know you mean business. Only unleash the mama bear when necessary. If you overdo it, then you are shooting yourself in the foot. A constant negative personality or an attitude that doesn’t consider compromise will get you nowhere fast, and you will find the experts will fight you harder and longer than before. And, that is something that none of us want.  

There are exceptions to every rule, and I’ve seen my fair share of them. But, as a general rule, parents who have found their spine and are willing to use it, will get much further to help their children than those who are wet noodles.

I encourage you to think about your spine and how it relates to being a better advocate for your child. It certainly isn’t easy, but please find your spine and stand tall with me…for all of our kids.     

Cousin It and the Bride of Frankenstein are in the car!

In my last post I told you that our family is dealing with a tremendous amount of stress right now. Since then my mom has been in and out of the hospital...and is currently back in.

When it rains it pours. In our case, it feels like a hurricane.

I feel like a raw nerve at this point.

However, something happened this morning that gave me a moment of humorous relief, and I thought I would share it with you. I find it important to focus on the good stuff to get me through the bad stuff. So, here is my attempt to do that.

Monkey is in orchestra. Orchestra practice happens twice a week before school starts, and in the case of Monkey's school, that time is 0-dark-thirty (a.k.a. butt crack of dawn).

Up until recently, we have driven to his school under cover of darkness because we were always up before the sun. It pains me to even type that. I would rather have been in my warm and comfy bed any of those days...

Well, I realized this morning that spring has sprung, and we no longer drive in darkness.

It was a typical Pacific Northwest morning: overcast, gray and misty. So, I did what I always do when I am stumbling around, bleary-eyed in the morning. I attempted to make Monkey's lunch and get him to eat breakfast, wake up Prince Charming to get his coat and slippers on, and then we headed off to orchestra. I put the defrost and heater on high so that I could see something through the windows of the car, and we got our trip underway.

Now, for the visual:  I am wearing some God-awful sweat pants that look like they've been through a war and have shrunk through repeated washings, which makes them unfashionably highwater. I have on my husband's old flannel shirt that he didn't want anymore but I thought it was too comfy to toss out. My slippers are fuzzy, but well-worn in that matted down, filthy fleece kind of way. And, the best part - I am sporting the most awesome naturally curly, long-haired bed head you have ever seen. I haven't even bothered to run a comb through my hair or even brush my teeth. Makeup? Ha! I laugh in your general direction. I am the antithesis of "put together."

So, we are driving along through the fog and the gray and I start to get a glimmer of light coming through the windshield. Could that be the sun? As we get closer to Monkey's school, the sun gets brighter and the fog gets thinner. It's actually quite a beautiful morning and I am silently reflecting on that.

We pull up in front of the school and I park in the line of cars with other parents waiting to let their children off for orchestra. The sun is brightly streaming through my sun roof and that's when I looked at myself in the rear-view mirror.

BIG MISTAKE!

To describe my hair as "finger-in-a-light-socket, sideways-mohawk, Bride-of-Frankenstein frizzy" does not even begin to touch what I saw. There I was in all of my backlit-by-the-sun glory, exposed by the sunlight to all of the cars around me. Those poor parents and kids that saw me must likely still be in shock.



I wasn't even this cute - she has makeup on!
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I averted my eyes from my own freak show to glimpse at Prince Charming in the back seat.

He likes to bring a throw blanket with him in the car when we take Monkey to orchestra. This habit originally started out as a "I'm sleepy and cold" thing and ended up being a sensory thing. He would throw the blanket over his head, much like you would if you wanted to pretend to be a ghost. It helped him block out the bright car lights that we would see in the dark mornings, and he liked the feeling of a warm and soft enclosure. It was a sensory tool he figured out on his own, so I have supported him continuing to use it in the mornings that we make the early drive.

As I looked at Prince Charming, the only thing I could think of was that he looked like Cousin It. He was covered up by a fuzzy blanket and it struck me as funny.



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Apparently the sunshine made me a little loopy or something.

Here I was, the Bride of Frankenstein with my raggedy clothes and wild hair, and Prince Charming was a more colorful version of Cousin It.

I felt bad for Monkey having to asssociate himself with us in light of our early morning, roll out of bed version of crazy. Had he been a neurotypical junior high schooler, he would likely have asked me to park down the street so he could walk to school so that we didn't embarrass him. Thankfully, that is not an issue we have to deal with (yet).

I think maybe next time I take him to orchestra I should at least comb my hair. Darn that sunshine!

The rollercoaster of change

I try hard to be real with you. I try to be authentic. I’m not about giving you only the best version of myself and my kids. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you probably know that I keep things fairly eclectic. I go from serious topics to recipes to humor to a myriad of other things, and I try to keep things light whenever possible. Humor is one of the best coping tools I’ve got.  

I’m going to be honest.

I’m struggling.

I work hard at many things. In order to keep my head above water and not be overwhelmed by everything going on in my life, I put on an exterior of positivity and confidence. It’s not a cocky thing. It’s not a fake façade. It serves a purpose. You know, one of those “create your reality” trains of thought. I know I won’t do any good to myself or anyone else if I wallow in all of my problems, so I don’t. It’s a deliberate choice, and I think it works for me most of the time.

But, I’m struggling. I couldn’t fall asleep tonight because I couldn’t stop thinking about things, and the emotions were too intense to allow me to sleep. So, I got back up to write this post. Since I started this blog, I have found that writing posts can be quite therapeutic. It helps me process what’s going on in my life so that it somehow feels more manageable. Writing is another one of my coping tools.

While change can be good, it feels really scary right now.

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I was at a place where I felt our family was more stable with the boys’ behaviors, their schooling, and even our finances were starting to slightly improve. None of it has been easy. However, if our past is any indication, getting comfortable usually means change is about to happen. I never seem to see it coming. You’d think I’d be used to the rollercoaster effect by now, but I’m surprised every single time we crest the hill and come screaming down into a new challenge.

Spring has typically been a hard time of year for us, so I know I shouldn’t be surprised. Spring Break in particular has been a time of regression for my boys in the past. And yes, we are smack dab in the middle of Spring Break right now. I don’t know what it is about the “spring forward” time change, the plants blooming and growing, and things happening with my boys, but there is something there.

I learned very recently that Monkey is having some issues that are affecting him much more than I previously realized. I don’t think he deliberately tried to hide anything from me, but he just has a hard time communicating what’s going on when it involves emotions. It’s easier for him to suppress things than to talk about them, because talking about it makes him very uncomfortable.

Of course, then I have immediate guilt about being too distracted from my nonprofit work to notice if there had been any silent signals from him. It’s a mother’s job to know. Was I paying enough attention?

Monkey is a very complex individual. He is layered like an onion. I continuously find there is more going on with him than meets the eye. It’s just really hard to get some of his layers to peel back so that I can gain a better understanding.

I immediately reached out for some psychological assistance to discuss my specific concerns, and was able to get in to talk with someone highly regarded for their work with autism. Monkey had his first appointment on Monday – on the first day of Spring Break. Fitting, isn’t it?

I have no idea how we are going to pay for it. I just know he needs it.

At about the same time I was figuring out the issues with Monkey, I learned that Prince Charming is struggling socially at school. Since he started talking, this has not been a huge concern for me. He has been much more social than Monkey, and I didn’t think I’d need to worry about that so much with him. Well, I was wrong.

And, with Autism Awareness Month, this is one of the busiest times of the year for me in my nonprofit work. It’s the height of event season and I’ve been at a dead run for God knows how long. I’m exhausted. That’s why I’ve been scarce here on the blog, because I’m too tired to keep my eyes open long enough to type anything coherent for you to read.

In the past week my Grandma was placed on hospice. It was not unexpected, but it’s still hard to grasp. Her brain doesn’t seem to be failing her, but her body is. I am thankful that I was able to go down and see her again last week and have her video chat with the boys on my cell phone. She thought that was a hoot. I haven't yet figured out how to prepare the boys for her eventual passing. Frankly, I don't know how I will deal with it for myself either.   

Tonight I learned that my parents will likely be moving back out of state. They only came back to Washington about 2 years ago, after having missed a good portion of the boys’ childhood. It was such a blessing to have my parents back and involved in their lives again. I have no idea what I will tell the boys to make them understand why they are moving. I think it will have a huge impact on Monkey in particular, who is already struggling to talk about things that make him sad. Having his Grandpa and Grandma move away will be hard for him to process.

And, I’m sad for me. I will miss being able to pop by their house. I’ll also miss the big surprise we got every time they showed up at our door unannounced and the kids went wild with excitement. And, I’ll miss all of the coffee dates my dad and I would squeeze in when the kids were at school. The thought of all that going away in light of everything else simmering in the background was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

So, I'm struggling.

I know this stuff is small potatoes for a lot of people. I also know that there are much bigger problems in the world.

But, for tonight, I’m allowing myself to fall to pieces over all of the changes that I don’t feel ready for, so that tomorrow I can hopefully re-focus and press forward.     

 

Inclusion vs. Segregation

This topic has been coming up a lot lately for me. It’s relevant in schools, in families, in circles of friends, and just in living life with a child that has special needs in a world that doesn’t always understand or tolerate them. It’s the argument between how to keep our kids in a safe and appropriate environment, and how to balance that with living in the real world.

Those of you that are raising a child with autism are well aware of the challenges that come with taking your child out into public, particularly when they are younger and less able to control their actions. This can be made worse when they do not have words for communication. Some of our kids that are more significantly affected will show their differences more obviously. You might take a look at them and just know that something is going on. Others that are less impacted by their diagnosis have more “invisible” symptoms. These less visible traits can be the bothersome things that get a child labeled as a “brat” or the mother as a “bad parent” when they are out in the real world.

In our schools, parents can fight bitterly for keeping their child in a self-contained setting because it is the most appropriate for their needs with the additional supports they might access in those classrooms. For others, the fight is to move the child out of that environment because it is stifling their growth and they need exposure to typical peers in a mainstream setting. Each can be equally appropriate, depending on the child.

A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine told me about a trip she planned for her kids to go out for dine-in fast food, with the assistance of their ABA therapist. This took some intent and planning and did not happen overnight. They made sure to go at a time that was off peak hours so they would have a better chance to escape without a meltdown. The trip out to the restaurant was no easy feat, particularly since she has 3 young kids diagnosed on the spectrum. She was dreading it, but knew that it would provide much needed practice for her kids, and it would be helpful to have the support of the professional that would accompany her that day.  

As you might expect, the experience had a few hiccups. And, someone at the restaurant could not resist making an intolerant comment when her youngest son started acting up. As a parent, when those things happen, you try that much harder to try to make your kid fit the mold of what is expected in public, and you become keenly aware of how different they are in that moment. It can be excruciating to try to overcompensate and do anything to make things better when you are the target of negative attention like that. She maintained her calm, but this person could not resist continuing to make disparaging remarks. And, like probably anyone in her shoes would do in the same situation, after a certain amount of time passed and the agitation increased, she let him have it. Loudly.     

I have had plenty of moments when Grumpy Badger was wildly melting down in public while we were waiting to check out at the grocery store, or when he would start screaming in the library, etc. I got my fair share of judgmental and searing stares, as I avoided eye contact with others and tried to rush my boys out of the situation before it got even worse.

I tend to be fairly non-confrontational, but those experiences taught me something. As a parent, you have to find your spine and use it when needed! Sometimes you have to be willing to provide an impromptu autism awareness lesson for those around you. If you can do it without yelling or breaking down into sobbing, all the better.   

Things have gotten a lot easier for us as we venture out beyond the doors of our home. We are no longer in crisis all the time. My boys have grown in their skills and abilities, and they are gaining maturity in certain areas. We have our moments when things are still difficult, but it’s definitely not as hard as it once was. For that, I’m thankful. But, I also vividly remember what it was like. And, I know so many people that are continuing to go through these situations daily and may not ever know what it’s like to have a reprieve.

This topic came up again when I was recently interviewed by a college student about the challenges of parenting a child with a special need. She was specifically looking to learn about the perceived societal stigmas and how parents cope with those pressures. I realized that the way I deal with the stigmas and expectations is very different than when I first became a parent.

To be blunt, I don’t give much of a crap anymore about what people think about me, my kids, or my parenting. This is autism, and it ain’t always pretty.    

One of the things I have been working on through my nonprofit is the normalization of differences and creating tolerance for special needs in all settings. I have given many presentations touching on this topic. It’s needed everywhere. Through educating and bringing awareness to a group of people interacting with the public (which includes families that have children with special needs, like mine), some of those people become the catalyst for change. They can take the information to heart and forward on their new perspective to others. I know it works. People have told me how they’ve shared the message, and it’s gone far beyond them after they heard me talk one day. The word can spread when people are willing to listen. The impact can be far-reaching.    

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I just read a very interesting article posted on March 16, 2013 from Amy S.F. Lutz in Slate Magazine on this very thing. Please take a moment to read it here. It’s well worth a few minutes of your time! She provides a lot of context and makes you really think about this idea of special needs segregation vs. inclusion.

For me, it is a very loaded topic because it touches on so many things.

I can’t help but draw a parallel between the intolerances shown toward people of different races and the intolerances shown toward people with both visible and invisible disabilities. It’s like we have a new “ism” now, but there is no defined name for it other than discrimination and intolerance.

A new form of segregation can be found in a self-contained classroom, whether that’s good or bad.

Self-inflicted segregation happens when parents will bend over backwards to conduct errands at off-peak times, trying to avoid large audiences and be as inconspicuous as possible. I have done this more times than I can count. It’s usually much safer at home, and this is why so many autism families feel so isolated.

We know that the world isn’t ready to deal with the influx of children and adults with autism and other special needs. As parents, we are trying to prepare our kids for the world and also prepare the world for our kids.

Have you thought about how to educate others and create awareness without it feeling confrontational and creating further discord? What works for you? What hasn’t worked?

If you haven’t yet thought about it, maybe now is the time.             

 

Go Seahawks!

I'm not a big sports person. We don't have regular TV, so we can't watch any games, even if we wanted to. I know for some of you that is almost sacrilegious. I think I'm one of the few wives that is not a widow on Super Bowl Sunday. I count myself very lucky that it's just another day for our family.

Imagine my surprise when yesterday afternoon Prince Charming bounds off the bus with his fist in the air, yelling happily, "Goooooo Seahawks!" He had the biggest grin on his face, and he was even wearing a Seahawks hat that he made in school.

It was so cute to see him so excited and the bus driver cheered after him. I noticed she was wearing her Seahawks jersey, like most of the State of Washington. It was Blue Friday, after all.

For those of you not in the know, the Seahawks are really big deal, what with the playoffs and all. Blue Friday is the day that all of the "12th man" fans wear their jerseys and gear to show their support of the next playoff game.

Prince Charming told me that teachers and kids at his school were wearing jerseys and everyone was very excited.

I asked him, "Honey, do you know who the Seahawks are?"

He stopped wiggling and said, "The Seahawks."

"Well honey, what makes the Seahawks special? What do they do?"

In his very Prince Charming and utterly cute way, he said with a huge smile, "I have no idea!"

That's my boy. Go Seahawks!  

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The bus is late! Oh my!

It happens to everyone who has a kid that rides the bus. At some point, the bus will be late. It's just one of those things.

Monkey can be a worry wart. He becomes very concerned when the bus is late and I try to reassure him that it's okay and he won't get in trouble at school. When the bus finally does show up, he will make comments to the driver just to make sure that they know they're late and that he will be late to school because of it.

I always smile to the driver and wave.

Well, today we had icy weather to wake up to. It was in the mid-to-high 20's outside. While Prince Charming was snug and warm inside on the couch under a blanket, Monkey and I were huddled together in the dark, waiting for the bus outside. It wasn't helping that I had just come down with another cold right after I had gotten over my Christmas/New Years cold.

Time passed. No bus.

More time passes. Still no bus.

Monkey is starting to pace a little bit, and he's walking further out to get a better view of whether or not he can see if the bus is coming. Each time, nothing.

I check the time again and the bus is now more than 15 minutes late. I have a good relationship with the driver since Monkey is the only one on this particular special transportation route. Usually she texts me or calls me, and I've heard nothing from her or from the transportation department at the district about the status of the bus. I wonder if she's out sick today. Monkey had a substitute driver yesterday afternoon... It's probably why I hadn't heard anything.

I pull out the ice scraper and come up with a plan. I tell Monkey that I'm going to go ahead and start prepping the car in the event that I need to take him to school, but we are going to give it a little bit more time and see what happens.

The ice is layered in such a way that it doesn't do me much good to scrape the windows, so I go inside and get my car keys and start up the car to start the thawing out process.

I check the time again. The bus is now over 20 minutes late. Okay, it's time to call the transportation department! I get on the phone and tell them that the bus is very late and we've been standing outside in the cold while I am sick. I am promptly put on hold with dispatch while they look into the status of his bus.

Monkey and I watch the exhaust billowing from the car in the frosty air. The windshield wipers finally come free from their icy position and begin to work. We listen to the rubbery scrape while the car idles. It seems we are the only ones awake and moving in the chilly dark of the morning.

"Yes, hello? Well, it appears that there is a problem with the bus and it is not operating. I can try to get another bus dispatched to him for you but I would need to find out exactly how long that would take."

Bitter, ugly thoughts jump around in my head, but I do not utter them out loud.

"Ummm, I don't think that's necessary. While I've been on hold with you, I've been de-icing my car. I'll go ahead and take him to school myself. Next time I would appreciate a call to let me know if the bus is not coming. Thank you." I coughed loudly for effect before I hung up. I'm a teeny bit passive-agressive that way.

I go back into the house and tell Prince Charming he needs to get his coat and shoes on because we have to take his brother to school. He complains bitterly, but complies.

I wouldn't want to get out from under the blanket either. And, it's a change in his routine. I understand why it's hard for him. But, I don't have much patience. I feel like crap, I'm cold, I'm irritated, and Monkey is already late for school.

It occurs to me to call the teacher to let him know what's happening. By doing so, I was able to reassure Monkey that his teacher knows he'll be late and that he said it would be fine. Monkey liked hearing that his teacher said, "I'll see him when he gets here!"

I go back outside and quickly discover that my car doors are frozen shut. Like completely. Not moving a millimeter. Frozen.

Great.

I head back inside and see Prince Charming is ready to go, thank God. I run the faucet until I get really hot water while I search the cabinets for a pitcher. Prince Charming comes outside with me and both the boys watch while I pour the hot water over the doors. They watch the steam rising from the car and the ice melting off. The doors magically open. Voila! They pile into the car, and we are off! Monkey is now over 30 minutes past when his bus should have arrived and he is most definitely late for school.

We head down the road, and I quickly run over the events of the morning in my head. I realize something pretty significant.

Monkey didn't get upset. He wasn't excessively worried. The most intense thing he did was pace a little and watch for the bus quietly.

I was amazed. I was proud.  Maybe my reassurances all of these years are finally soaking in. Who knows?

"Hey, kid. I wanna tell you that I'm really proud of the way you handled the bus situation this morning. I know it's hard for you to be late and I'm happy that you didn't worry too much about the bus. Like I told you before, you'll get to school no matter what, because if the bus can't take you, I will. You can count on that. Hey...I have an idea!"

"What?"

"Well, since you did such a good job this morning by being flexible and not feeling upset about the bus, I was thinking about a possible surprise. But, if we do the surprise, it means you're going to be another 5 minutes late to school. You can choose what you want to do. If you want to go straight to school, then that's what we'll do. If you're okay being a few more minutes later than we already are, then I'll tell you my idea."

He paused for a moment, assessing his options. "I'll be okay if we are 5 more minutes late. What's the surprise?"

"How about we get some hot chocolate on the way to school because you did such a good job?"

"I knew it!"

"Yeah, I figured you did, kiddo."

Image Source

And with that, Monkey and Prince Charming got to enjoy a very rare treat while in the car on an icy morning on the way to Monkey's school all because the bus was late.

When we got to the school, Monkey was very calm. He got his attendance slip from the office and walked down the hall to his class while Prince Charming and I told him goodbye. He did such a good job. It was well worth a little treat.

One thing I've learned with my boys is to celebrate the small wins. It's not often that you get a huge win, so recognize the little steps that are gained and make sure your child knows that you see them happening. Sometimes a little hot chocolate on the way to school can be a very good thing.

The saving grace of going back to school

When summer draws to a close and school starts again, I think what many of you do:

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

 

I crack up whenever I see this video!

How did your summer go? Did you survive? Did your children survive?

We did okay. Not great. Not horrible. Just okay. Prince Charming lost his ESY (extended school year) services. Monkey somehow managed to keep his ESY, although they cut his hours in half. I’m sorry, but 12 hours over an entire summer isn’t super helpful. Whatever. That’s another conservation for another day… We happen to love our ESY teachers, and something is better than nothing.

Last spring I found a local Groupon-type deal for a beginner’s karate class and thought it would be a perfect summer activity. It would be a good, healthy, and inexpensive way to add a routine to our summer schedule. At the beginning of summer Prince Charming was dying to go and Monkey would launch into tears at the mere mention of it. My how things changed once they started going to the class! Monkey enjoyed himself immensely and managed to earn his white belt. Prince Charming refused to participate and would launch into a meltdown at the drop of a hat. And, that’s one more conversation for another day…   

Despite summer preparations including a newly defined reward schedule, a list of expected behaviors, and lists/charts around the house for regular routines, the break from school was not easy. It never is. I did my best to set things and prepare so that the summer would be simple and straightforward, but life has a way of changing things up sometimes.  

In fact, we saw some significant regression over the summer with Prince Charming. The words, “I told you so” (directed to the school district in regard to their removal of services) come to mind. His sensory system became quite a bit more reactive, and I found myself needing to equip him with a sensory toolkit just to leave the house each day. We haven’t had to do things to that level in a quite some time and it was disheartening to see him react so easily and quickly escalate into meltdowns.

The boys also found their brotherly voices over the summer break. And by brotherly voices, I refer to their constant bickering, yelling, screaming, fighting, kicking, and general disdain toward one another. The silver lining to that cloud is that it is all very neurotypical behavior, so I had to remind myself of that as I could feel my head wanting to explode repeatedly.

As summer wore on, there was a general shortening of my fuse. At times I possess a large amount of patience; other times, well…not so much. I have been told by parents and professionals on various occasions that they are impressed with my patience and calm demeanor around my kids when they are acting up. I am no saint, that’s for sure.

I found myself getting irritated more quickly and the general noise level began to really bother me. My house has never been a quiet place, but during the summer ear plugs should be standard issue.

Needless to say, my nonprofit work and blog writing came to a grinding halt. You may have noticed I was almost completely absent here on Caffeinated Autism Mom during the summer months. Now you know why. I can’t write or work in a chaotic environment. My brain doesn’t function that way. I can only filter so much and then at a certain point I just can’t do anything productive.

During the summer I actually had my first migraine in years, and there were also a couple of multiple-day headaches thrown in there for good measure. At a certain point I became ugly mommy with a bad attitude that could raise her voice at the drop of a hat. I’m not proud of that. It’s not a shining moment for me at all.

I hadn’t truly realized how much my attitude had changed until one day things were particularly rough. The boys were bound and determined to fight like cats and dogs and I had simply had it. I was DONE. And, I yelled. Loudly. In no uncertain terms, I laid down the law and separated them. Since they obviously couldn’t be near each other without having a problem, I took away that choice for the afternoon.

Later that day in a quiet moment when peace had been mostly restored, Prince Charming came to sit with me and said that he was looking forward to school so that I wouldn’t be mad anymore.

Knife to the heart.

Within the same hour, Monkey told me that I needed a break. He then told me that when he and Prince Charming started back to school again he thought I would be happier. That effectively twisted the knife.

I felt as small as a gnat.

I took each of the boys aside and apologized for my behavior. I talked with them about why I was having a hard time and what they could do to help so that we could all be happier.

School started the next day. I did not do a celebratory dance or take a nap or eat a bucket full of chocolate. I felt sad. I was relieved for the quiet, but I was sad that our summer ended the way it did. I can’t fix it or make it better. I can only try to do better next time.     

I will tell you that I noticed an immediate shift in my demeanor. When the boys got home from school, I was eager to talk with them about their day. I was 100% clued in, sharing the moment with them and truly happy to hear all that they had to say. I could feel my blood pressure lower and my jaw un-clench. My joy had returned, and it only took one day with a 4-hour break from the boys to do it.

It really is the most wonderful time of the year.   

   

Flashback Friday: Teachers need to know!

It’s August! Have you thought about your kids going back to school yet? Have you starting shopping for school supplies?

Image Source

I had the opportunity to speak about autism with some college students studying education. We got into a nice discussion about how parents communicate with teachers. What was reaffirmed to me that evening is the absolute importance of parents communicating with teachers. It’s critical.

You are the expert!

Let me repeat that. YOU. are. the. EXPERT.

I mean it!

Your child may be surrounded by therapeutic and education experts in the school environment, but you are the expert when it comes to your child.

Use your voice. What you share about your child can better equip the teaching team to be successful in working with your child.

One of the best ways to start off the school year is to write a letter of introduction about your child. I do this every single year for both of my boys. It’s an excellent practice to get into, and I guarantee the teachers appreciate it.

Take some time and think about your child – their strengths, triggers, calming strategies, etc., and then write it up in an email or a letter to their teacher, or drop it off in person at the school. By having this information ahead of when the students arrive, the teacher will have time to review the information as they plan their classroom for the fall. 

Check out the post I wrote about this last year and get started on your child's letter of introduction. It's definitely worth the time to put it all together!

Defending Champion!

Last week I got a call from the Principal. Of course, my immediate response was a sinking feeling in my gut, as I prepared myself for whatever bad news was about to come my way. The first words out of the Principal’s mouth were to reassure me that nothing was wrong. Thank God for that!

She proceeds to tell me that she has Monkey in the office with her and that he wants to talk with me. He gets on the line and says, “Guess what, Mommy?”

“What?”

“I just won the spelling bee!”

“You did? That’s awesome, kid! Great job! I’m so proud of you!”

“Uh huh.”

There was an awkward silence while he tried to think of something else to say to me, and he clearly was not ready to relinquish the phone back to the Principal. So, I started asking him some questions about his experience at the spelling bee and he was able to talk with me a little bit about it.

Monkey does not have a ton of experience on the telephone, so he was not completely certain of how to talk with me beyond sharing his big news. He had some trouble figuring out what to talk about and when he should give back the phone to the Principal. We muddled through the conversation and I ended up instructing him to hang up the phone, and that I would talk with him more about the spelling bee when he got home from school. In our mutual confusion, I ended up hanging up the phone right as the Principal got back on the line. Oops!

He had been so excited about the prospect of the spelling bee that he had been chattering for a few days about it. He told me that the winners, starting in 3^rd grade and beyond, get their name engraved on the plaque in the Principal’s office. He had made up his mind that he really wanted his name up on the wall forevermore.  

The night before the spelling bee, he was up late. I think it was the first time I’d really ever seen him too excited to sleep. He’s had nights where “weird thoughts” kept him from sleeping, but this was something new. He ended up asking for a “nighttime vitamin” (melatonin) to help make his brain slow down so he could sleep, and he fell asleep 30 minutes later.

The following morning, instead of his usual wake-up time curled up in a blanket on the couch, he was dressed and ready to go even before I was awake. He told me that he wanted to surprise me and he was clearly excited for the spelling bee. I thought that was awesome. During breakfast I gave him some words of encouragement, reminding him to slow his thoughts down and to think about his answer before he spoke.

Needless to say, he went to school that day and came home a winner. I understand from one of the teachers that he conducted himself very appropriately during the spelling bee, which of course made me very happy to hear. Monkey is an amazing speller and I couldn’t be more proud of him! He is now a 2-year defending champion and he’s already talking about how he can’t wait to get his name on the wall plaque again next year. I hope he does!

       

Flashback Friday: Another Bad Mommy Moment

Yesterday morning I had a moment of déjà vu. I found myself in the same situation with Prince Charming that I was in over a year ago with Monkey. It starts with a tired mom forgetting to finish the laundry and ends up with at least one boy without dry clothes to wear to school.  

In this situation, Prince Charming had a much more difficult time accepting the change in circumstances than Monkey did last year.

Luckily I found a pair of pants for him to wear that were hiding out in Monkey’s dresser drawer and happened to be the right size. Can you say minor miracle? He objected to the idea of a new pair of pants he’d never worn before. After significant prodding, he put them on and they fit perfectly. He was a very happy little boy when he got on the school bus. Thank God.

To read about the original Bad Mommy incident, click here.

An observation about advocacy

Through the work I’ve been doing at my nonprofit, I have been very involved in educational advocacy. I can honestly say that I feel like I’ve been swimming in the advocacy pool and my fingers are getting pruney from it!

Any parent who has ever attended an IEP meeting knows that things can sometimes get very intense, especially when you do not agree with the school district’s recommendations for your child. Often those situations can be difficult to navigate and are full of emotion as you try to do the best you can.

I can tell you that my personal experience with getting my boys the education they need and deserve has been more positive than most people I know. I realize how fortunate I am to be able to say that. It hasn’t been perfect, but it could be a lot worse!  

As an advocate, I have sat through a variety of meetings in several school districts. One thing keeps coming to mind:

In an IEP meeting, why are informed and knowledgeable parents treated in an adversarial manner?

Now, this doesn’t happen all the time. In fact, I’ve been witness to some wonderful moments where things work well because the district recognizes the value of parental input.

Unfortunately, this is usually not the norm. To me, it would seem logical to expect that parents who are active participants in their child’s educational process would be treated as collaborative partners in the shaping of the IEP. Parents are often a very rich source of information about their child and much can be accomplished with a positive approach.

As a parent, you are an expert. It may not feel like it, but you are! If you have gone through the process of diagnosis, read every book you can get your hands on about the diagnosis, and have participated in various forms of private therapy in order to help your child, you are an EXPERT. If you feel like you don’t know anything because your kid is melting down again and you don’t know how to handle it today because your usual tricks aren’t working, you are still an EXPERT on your child.

Parents can be overwhelmed by the IEP process because it’s full of legal mumbo jumbo, there is vocabulary that is difficult to understand, and there are a lot of people in the room who have letters behind their name. It’s intimidating, for sure. God forbid you hear horror stories from your friends who have had awful IEP experiences! It’s a safe bet that you will feel some level of fear or dread as you participate in that setting.

When parents are able to claim a sense of expertise and power, they can ask insightful questions and help to effectively strategize with the rest of the team, which leads to positive changes for their child’s IEP. This is, of course, when things go well. Many times they do not go well. And then, that smart, powerful parent turns into an adversary in the eyes of the district.

I hate to see this happen! In my experience, and that of some of my colleagues, this can happen more often than not. The opportunity for improving a child’s IEP (and their school experience) is wasted. And it’s sad.

I don’t really have a well-developed idea to go along with this observation. This has been mulling around in my brain for a very long time now and I figured it was time to at least start the conversation. I haven’t prepared some glorious argument about what this means to me, or a list of tips and tricks to combat this kind of situation. I just wanted to share the idea of it. It’s food for thought. It’s not a complete thought. It’s a work in progress.

Educational advocacy and IEP’s are such hot button issues, that I’d be interested in your thoughts. Do you agree that sometimes the parent can be seen as the adversary? How do you respond to that? What things have helped you get what you needed for your child’s education? Feel free to share in the comments below.

Last minute Valentine's GFCF snack panic

The Queen of Procrastination is reporting for duty! I waited until the last possible second to come up with something allergy-free for my boys to have at their annual Valentine's Day classroom party extravaganza. I spent all day working on other things, and before I realized it the house got quiet and everyone's asleep except for me. Somehow I forgot to include making cookies on my list of stuff to do! I'm thinking the lengthy call (a.k.a. spending an eternity on hold) to the insurance company could have waited another day. The bill will still be there tomorrow, after all!

Okay, ouch. I just looked at the clock and had a moment of panic realizing how few hours there are between now and when the boys will get up. I need to get my rear in gear!

After perusing the web tonight, I think I have a game plan. Of course, I have a slight pang of anxiety that a new recipe will be a complete flop and there will be nothing edible to show for the effort. But, I can't think of those things now! Or, at least I'll try not to...

I am going to attempt an allergy-free cookie (free of gluten, dairy, soy, nuts); but I might include an egg just to try to make the end result better. I'm thinking I'll take a chance on a shortbread or sugar cookie with a pink (or maybe even red) icing. I have some all-natural food coloring that is made from beets that should do the trick. There are a few recipes I found online that I will use as a guide.

I hope that everything turns out yummy for my boys! I don't want them to feel like they are being deprived of all of the technicolor cupcakes and various junk food that the other kids will get to eat. I want them to participate fully and have no feelings of jealousy over the rest of the chock-full-of-chemicals-and-allergens treats.

If the cookies turn out extra awesome, I'll take pictures and share them with you in a future post. Sound like a deal? Sorry I didn't have them ready in time for this one... That would have made for better reading and viewing. Oh well. I think you'll look past it this time, right?

Crap...I just realized that I have also forgotten to buy a Valentine's Day card for my beloved hubby. I'm batting a thousand here, folks. I have a feeling it's going to be a very busy morning. Yes, it's Valentine's Day morning! I better get a move on! 

What do you have planned for this day to celebrate those you love?



I felt this was fitting for my unprepared Valentine's Day!
I haven't purchased a card yet and my hubby took the time
 to create a handmade card for me. He even made his own
envelope! I can't wait to read it later. Hubby gets an A+ in
the romance department for his efforts! I love that man.

Moving on up!

If you were on Facebook yesterday, you may have already seen my big news. Yesterday was a very significant day!

For the first time ever, both of my boys attend the same school! Prince Charming has been in a self-contained program in another school that was more suited to his needs and offered more support. We've been working toward getting him into a regular classroom for quite some time. After his big regression last spring, it seemed even further away. Now the boys go to the same school, on the same bus, with the same schedule! It's wonderful!

I am proud to say that Prince Charming has done better than any of us expected this year and made the transition out of a self-contained classroom much sooner than we thought possible. Granted, we pushed him harder than maybe we should have, and it hasn't been without problems. But, he's now in our neighborhood school with Monkey for the first time. And, his teacher gave a glowing report of his first day. I hope the honeymoon period lasts and lasts. He has most definitely earned it!

Ready for school....together for the first time!

The most exciting part...riding the bus together!

First kiss...

I can hardly believe I’m writing this, but Monkey had his first kiss last week. I’m still in shock! Of course, Monkey never said a word to me when it happened. I found out from his bus driver the day after. Here’s the skinny:

He was on the bus heading home from school. Due to some issues he’s had with bullying earlier this year, all seats are assigned on the bus. He typically sits by himself, which is how he likes it. However, on this particular day there was a girl sitting with him. I’ll call her the Divine Miss M. Since I’m friends with her mom, Monkey has known her since she was born. The Divine Miss M is the same age as Prince Charming, and they’ve all grown up fairly close to one another.

Anyway, he was apparently having a nice ride home on the bus with her sitting next to him and he decided to kiss her on the cheek. Her response? She smacked him on the head!

After the kiss happened, the bus driver had a little chat with him about how it’s not okay to kiss anyone on the school bus and that he should not do that again. Once I found out about the situation from the bus driver, I spoke with the mom and told her about it. She, of course, already knew about it. You gotta wonder what it must be like to have neurotypical kids that offer up information willingly…

So, I waited for quiet moment when Prince Charming wouldn’t interrupt us, and I asked Monkey why he kissed the Divine Miss M. He said it was because he loves her. I have to admit I was a bit surprised by his statement. I wasn’t sure what he thought love meant, so I probed further. I asked, “Why do you love her?” He replied, “Because she’s nice to me.”

There are some items of note here. First, Monkey used to be a hands-off kind of kid. He didn’t like to be touched and I didn’t get a lot of cuddling time with him when he was little. Second, he has a difficult time expressing emotions and tends to be on the more serious side of life. He only began saying, “I love you” spontaneously to my husband and I not much more than a year ago. The very idea that he was willing to kiss a friend (who happens to be a girl) because he “loves” her is a very big deal. It actually made my heart swell with pride. That’s progress!

He and I have taken some time to talk about things a few times in the past couple of days. I discovered that although he was upset that she hit him on the head in response to his kiss on her cheek, he was more distraught by the fact that the bus driver pulled him aside to tell him it wasn’t okay. He doesn’t like to feel like he’s in trouble and be the center of negative attention in front of other kids, so this was a little upsetting to him. He has since decided that he won’t try to kiss her anymore because he doesn’t want to get smacked on the head again. I am not sure if he thinks of the Divine Miss M as “cute,” but I have a suspicion that he does. In his mind, I would venture to say that he equates niceness with being cute.

Something interesting happened the other night. I briefly mentioned the girl’s name as Monkey was going to bed and my hubby was standing behind me when I did it. I saw Monkey’s face change. I could swear it was a sudden flash of embarrassment. I can honestly say that I had never seen that type of emotional response from him before. In the dim light it looked like his cheeks were starting to turning red, which was amazing to me! I immediately shut my mouth and dropped the subject, honoring what I thought I saw from him. The next morning I spoke with Monkey so I could clarify what I witnessed the night before. He told me that he was fine talking about the Divine Miss M with me, but that he didn’t think that we should talk about it with his Dad. It appears it really was embarrassment. More progress!

I was practically reeling from the normalcy of the whole situation. Could this all be really happening? I definitely didn’t see this coming! Although it wasn’t entirely appropriate for this age, I am actually very proud of Monkey. He’s come a long way. So many things have changed for him to even approach a moment like this. All of these things combine together for some thrilling progress!

As far as the kissing stuff goes…oh boy. He just turned 9 and I’m not ready for this stuff yet! 

The cupcake debate

Monkey turned 9! I am still in a state of disbelief. When did he get this big and old, anyway? For that matter, when did I get this old? Sheesh! Next year he'll be double digits and that's kinda freaking me out a bit!!! 

His birthday theme this year is Angry Birds!

Typically I try to bring in something special for his class to help make his day extra nice at school. Since most kids bring in the store-made cupcakes (that Monkey can't eat) for their birthday celebration, I usually focus on bringing a small, non-food gift instead. I don't want Monkey to have the automatic assumption that the only way you can celebrate is with food. And, perhaps my little gift bags make more of an impression on the kids. I know it doesn't really matter, but I like to think of it as one thing I can do to try to help Monkey with being a bit more "cool." He struggles enough to fit in and make friends, so bringing gifts to the class could potentially provide him with a little boost for that day. Who knows if it really does? But I hope that, if nothing else, it brings smiles.

Thinking back to his previous celebrations at school, I realized that I've never brought in a food snack on his birthday. So, I figured it was time.

I left a message with the teacher to let her know that I would be bringing allergy-free snacks to the classroom on his birthday and to please notify me if there were any other allergies I needed to consider since I wanted to make sure every single child could participate (which, sadly, never happens for Monkey).

I pulled out my all-time favorite muffin recipe because it's easy to make, everyone likes it, it's food allergy-friendly, and I don't have to deal with frosting because they taste great without it. What am I referring to, you ask?     

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins!

By the way, I call these delectable delights "cupcakes" almost as often as I call them "muffins." Cupcakes sound more birthday-ish, and frankly isn't a cupcake just a muffin topped with frosting? Just a thought...

Be sure to click on the link for all the details. You'll thank me later.

Ready for the classroom!
Pumpkin Chocolate Chip and Chocolate Chunk Cupcakes...without frosting! :-)
I made extras and not a single one came back home - they all were consumed! Mikey likes it!

Veterans Day 2011

Yesterday I had the privilege of going to Monkey’s school for their Veterans Day assembly. Of course, you may recall me telling you on Wednesday that he was going to sing a solo at the assembly. Titan and I were very excited about it and made plans for both of us to attend. When the news made it to Titan’s mom and stepdad, they decided to also drive out for Monkey’s big debut. That was all Monkey could talk about the night before!

Monkey’s song was first and it began with his solo. I think my mouth was open because I could barely believe my ears. He did such a great job! He was even in tune the whole time, which is not an easy feat for a child. My little boy can sing!

Monkey is very touchy when it comes to singing. He cannot bring himself to sing in front of us here at home. He will literally start to cry if you attempt to coax him to sing. The most he can bring himself to do is whisper the words when you are not looking at him. I’m not sure why he is so shy about it, but we try to respect that. We certainly don’t want to create anxiety for him over something he enjoys in his own way.

Getting the chance to hear him sing his solo was a treasured moment. My heart was swollen with pride because I am a former singer. He was so good that I had a hard time holding back my tears of happiness. Music used to be my life, so to know that he also has a gift for music is a wonderful feeling.

The third graders sang another song and then they invited a soldier to speak for a few minutes. After that, the mood changed considerably when a special video presentation was shared. It started with a surprise video for two of the students. Their dad, who is currently stationed in Afghanistan, sent them a special message. You could hear them crying and we all shared in the joy and heartbreak of that moment.

After that, we got to watch a video slideshow of past and present military members who are related to the students and staff at the elementary school. There were some wonderful songs playing in the background as we watched picture after picture. It was neat to see who they were related to. There were small audio clips peppered throughout the presentation from students talking about what it meant to have family members serving in the military. Hearing those young voices speak about their family was very touching.

I was seated close to a mother who was in the audience holding her baby. She was wearing a t-shirt with the name of her late husband and his rank on it. At one point, she had to leave the room because she was overcome with emotion.

As the pictures continued to flash onto the screen, you could hear the stifled emotion throughout the room. In front of me a teacher hugged and comforted a girl who was crying. Another teacher helped to escort a young gal from the room when she, too, began sobbing. Everyone in the room had been brought to tears by the end of the presentation. It was impossible not to be moved by the experience.

I live in a military town and I know lots of military families. A sizeable portion of students in the school have parents or close relatives serving in the armed forces. These children know what it is like to live without their mom or their dad while they are deployed overseas. I know I cannot ever really understand the sacrifice each of those family members makes.

My dad was in the army during the Vietnam War. He should have died 4 different times, but God spared him. I am grateful for that, because had he given the ultimate sacrifice for his county, I would never have been born and never gotten to know the great man that I call my dad. My brother also served, and I am thankful that his service was not during a time of war. I never had to feel that worry first hand.      

The assembly was a beautiful tribute to our veterans. It is hard to imagine how many people serve, but seeing image after image after image really brought that point home. I can honestly say that I have never seen so many people with tears in their eyes in one place before and it was incredibly moving. It is not something I will soon forget.

God bless our troops – past, present and future.