Making the world better

After a stressful week, I was bracing myself for what I thought would inevitably be a bad day. I've been spending some late nights stressing over the details of my nonprofit, knowing that I can only do so much as one person, while always wishing that I could do more. I am forever dreaming of how my life would be easier if I could only clone myself, just to help alleviate some of the heavy burdens I bear with my family, as well as the volunteer work that I am so passionate about. I'm not proud to say that at one particularly low, yet fleeting, moment while in my car contemplating the zillions of things tumbling around in my brain, I succumbed to the overwhelming need to cry. It stopped almost as fast as it began, but I guess my body had reached its maximum at that moment and needed to release whatever was pent up inside. Needless to say, I didn't hold any high hopes for the day after that.

Then, it seemed that the proverbial clouds parted. What started out seemingly dreary, turned out to be about as good as any day could have been.

One of the highlights of my day was a meeting I had with one of our nonprofit's partners, which is another local nonprofit. I won't bore you with the details (which I personally find fascinating), but the time we spent was very fruitful, and many ideas were shared, plans were made, and we parted with a renewed commitment to what we are endeavoring to do together.

However, the best part of the entire conversation was how our respective mission statements align in the idea that we are looking to change the way the community, John Q. Public, views special needs. Rather than special needs (like autism and others) marking a difference that separates and ostracizes, wouldn't it be great if special needs were normalized in such a way that the entire community helped to advocate, and in doing so, created an environment of inclusion? We had some discussion about the nuts of bolts of this kind of vision for the future, and it all comes down to thinking about what your dream is.

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What is the big picture? What do you want to accomplish? How are you going to work to make the world better for the thing you are most passionate about?

I left the meeting feeling invigorated, with a renewed sense of purpose. It added fuel to my fire, and my head was spinning with possibilities and inspiration.

Then, many other things fell into place today in just the right way with my schedule and "to do" list, and I ended up being phenomenally productive. It was odd...but I wasn't going to question it. I just wanted to ride the wave of a good day.

When the boys got home, I found out that they both had a decent day at school, that they had finished their schoolwork early (by some apparent miracle) and neither had any homework to do. The best part? They were in good enough moods that they didn't automatically catapult into their usual bickering and fighting mode after they got home. That in and of itself was a moment of relief.

We had an appointment to go to, and due to the timing of it, by the time we had to head back home it put us right in the thick of rush hour when all the commuters are heading home from their jobs in Seattle. If there's one thing you can count on in Seattle, the traffic sucks pretty much all the time. The particular area I had to travel through is known for its slowdowns, so I had no expectations of getting home at a decent time. I have learned to take the back roads, but even they can get backed up. To make matters worse, my tummy was protesting the fact that I hadn't had time to consume any food of substance all day, besides the quick coffee I grabbed after my meeting.

Remembering that I had forgotten to take something out for dinner and that we desperately needed to go to the grocery store, I was overcome with a craving for pizza. I didn't want to scrounge around for something to make for dinner when we got home! I called Titan and tried to tell him in code (so listening little ears wouldn't freak out with excitement...or dismay if plans fell through) that I wanted to meet him for pizza on our way home. Using euphemistic terms, we hatched a sly plan for remedying my hungry stomach. There is one place that is our favorite for gluten-free pizza, and that's where we headed. Luckily, there was no fighting between the boys in the car like usual, so I wasn't a complete stress case when we arrived. Traffic was actually decent, too! I was looking forward to an enjoyable meal with some of my favorite food.

After we sat down and placed our order, Prince Charming started talking. Mind you, he hadn't really conversed since we got to the restaurant.

All of a sudden he said, "Mommy?"
"Yes, sweetheart," I replied.
"I'm going to make the world a better place."

His eyes were really bright and sincere and he gave me the biggest grin, displaying his dimple. I melted on the spot.

It's almost as if he had been reading my thoughts and had been sitting in on my meeting. I don't think it was a coincidence. I think God gives us little moments like these to help us know we are on the right path. It's exactly what I needed.

I have no doubt that my little guy will make a difference in the world, and that the world will be a better place because he is in it. And, I too will try my best to make the world a better place. I'm already working on it. I can only hope that my boys will see the fruits of my labor someday.

What is your passion? What inspires you to make the world a better place?

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My experience with homelessness

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Never in my life did I expect to welcome a homeless man into my home to temporarily live with my family, but here we are.

For purposes of this blog, I’m going to call this man Jester because he’s a bit of a goofball. In the short time Jester has been with us, he has taught me a lot. First let me make a clarification, because I know you are wondering why we would make this kind of a choice.

Jester is a long-time friend of my husband’s. They had fallen out of touch years ago and had reconnected via my Facebook account a few years ago. Even though I had heard about him a lot in the past 16 years that my husband and I have been together, I had never met Jester until he moved in with us.

We got a call one night from him asking for help, and within an hour he was in our home. While Titan was out picking him up, I was hurriedly getting the kids into bed and prepping the house for his arrival, making sure there were clean sheets for him on our hide-a-bed, and that there was tea ready for all of us when they walked in the door. I knew it was going to be a long night of chatting, and I was right.

I was overwhelmed with his stories of the things he had been through, including a very recent and sudden separation from his wife. It was all so heartbreaking and surreal.

Growing up as a cop’s daughter, a healthy distrust is part of my nature. I often think of things with the filter of safety and security, and I obviously had concerns about whether or not I could trust this man to be with me and the boys while Titan was at work. Since Titan had zero worries, I knew we would be okay. Since then I have been working to systematically let go of my automatic mama bear reflex around him, and I feel like I’ve kept an open mind and have actually gotten to know him pretty well. He's a very nice guy and I can totally understand why he and my husband are friends.

When you look at him, you can see that life has been hard. When you hear his story, you can’t help but feel sorry for his experiences. I often find myself thinking about how I have reacted to homeless people in the past…with a very healthy dose of skepticism. Are their stories legitimate or are they fabricated to make you feel sorry for them? Are they trying to manipulate? Do they have good intentions? I will admit that all of those thoughts have crossed my mind in regard to Jester.

What I have found is that the boys absolutely love him. They ask if he will be home when they get back from school or when they wake up. One day when Monkey was getting off the bus, before I could even say “hi” to him, he asked me if Jester was here. When I said “yes” he was visibly relieved and excited to run into the house to find him. Seeing their pure love for him is really something, and I know it is having a positive impact on Jester.

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and that even if you have bad experiences, those experiences will teach you something you need to know for later down the line. In other words, God has a plan, even if you don’t agree with it or understand it at the time. I can't help but feel this way for Jester and have shared that with him. As a Christian man, he also believes it to be true. And, even though it is adding financial strain to our lives to have him here, I am happy with our decision and have faith that God has a plan for us in this situation as well. 

Since Jester moved in, we have been helping him connect with resources, including things for veterans and for his old hobby and sport, karate. What we are finding is that some people really do have huge hearts. Jester is using his former black belt status to get him back into training, and he is being allowed to help teach classes at the dojo where Monkey takes karate. As it turns out, both Jester and Monkey's karate teacher studied at the same place when they were younger, so it’s a great fit. God has a way of working things out! 

Jester’s heart has been so lifted since we helped him make this particular connection, and he is thrilled to be doing something that he loves and that is so positive for not only him, but for others as well. It’s also been great for Monkey, because he gets to practice with Jester here at the house. Jester is eager to learn about autism and how to work with Monkey, and Monkey has made great strides with his technique in just the past few days. I think it will be a growth opportunity for both of them and they will learn a lot from each other.

I have no idea how long Jester will be with us, but we are taking it one day at a time. Jester has singlehandedly challenged all of my preconceived notions about homelessness. And, because some of the things he has gone through hit a bit close to home, he has also helped me realize how close we all can be to that kind of a situation. It really can happen to anyone. My perspective has grown and my boys seem to be enriched by the experience of having him here. 

Who knew that the arrival of a homeless man to my door would turn out to be a blessing in disguise?      

A giveaway that was 2,000 people in the making!

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Can I just say how much I LOVE my Facebook fans?

I do. You rock.

I want to say thank you. For liking me. Somehow you guys found my Facebook page, read my blog, and yet still stick around to hang out.


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And since you are all cool like that, it's time to celebrate a momentous occasion. The Caffeinated Autism Mom Facebook page finally reached 2,000 Likes, and it has been a loooong time coming.

Thanks for showing up and letting me know that I am not alone in my often-caffeinated, autism-laced wanderings in life. It's nice to know that there are folks there who share in some of my misery, successes, confusion, brand of hilarity, mishaps, and let's face it...crazy.

My gift to you is a sweet kitchen towel and potholder set featuring the vintage coffee lady that resembles me to a certain degree.

If I can ever afford my own custom graphics for this little blog, I imagine I'll change the CAM images to look a bit more like her. After all, she's a wavy-haired brunette, just like me. Oh, and you gotta love how she rocks the pearls and the fancy cup!

Now, get on with it. Win the cool kitchen towel set already. And, don't forget that sharing is caring.

**Please Note: Some folks with Internet Explorer are not seeing the giveaway widget below. It works flawlessly in the Chrome browser, if you are having any trouble.**

Legal priorities in WA: Is this an April Fool's Day prank?

I'm having a nausea-inducing sense of deja vu right now, and I wonder if I'm somehow getting punked on April Fool's Day (a.k.a. the first day of Autism Awareness Month). Beware, because a rant is a' comin'...

Scheduled today in my state's capitol of Olympia, Washington, is a Senate Health Care Committee hearing to discuss an abortion mandate, known as the "Reproductive Parity Act."

This is the same exact type of Senate hearing that I testified at when I was working to enact "Autism Insurance Parity" in the State of Washington. Shayan's Law, as it was commonly known, never saw the light of day because it got shut down by the Health Care Committee every time it was presented.

We had a HUGE grassroots effort, and it was standing room only at our particular Senate hearing. Autism families and our various supporters joined together for rallies at the capitol. Hundreds of us were knocking on the doors of our legislators' offices, scheduling meetings with them, sending emails, and making phone calls to voice our opinion about the importance of autism insurance parity for Washington.

For what?

Nothing.

Autism doesn't matter enough to the law makers in Washington State to do anything about providing mandates for coverage like so many other states in our country have already done.

It appears now that abortions could be more important than autism.

Pardon me while I vomit.

The fight for autism continues. Small strides are being taken through the work of some dedicated attorneys and an organization that is working to sue every insurance company that operates in Washington State, until autism coverage is mandated for everyone. God bless them for continuing the carry the torch of autism for all of us!

And, they are winning!

People are starting to get coverage for necessary autism therapies in drips and drabs. Unfortunately, my family's insurance company has not entered the court room yet, but their day is coming. I only wish it would come faster!



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Until then, my kids will continue to be denied coverage, and we will continue to not get the therapies they need so much, all due to the fact that we are not wealthy enough to pay for it all out of our own pocket.

It is SO WRONG.

It saddens me to think that abortion mandates are more important than autism mandates. Our kids with autism need help. Families are suffering under the financial burden of autism. Children are not getting services that could help them in both the short and long-term. The people who could enact meaningful change that would better the lives of so many of our state's citizens choose not to.

This is not what I consider to be a good start to Autism Awareness Month.


(Please note: This is my opinion about the importance of one issue over another, and I am entitled to feel the way I feel. Negative comments that seek to engage me or any of my readers in a bitter political debate are not welcome.) 

Inclusion vs. Segregation

This topic has been coming up a lot lately for me. It’s relevant in schools, in families, in circles of friends, and just in living life with a child that has special needs in a world that doesn’t always understand or tolerate them. It’s the argument between how to keep our kids in a safe and appropriate environment, and how to balance that with living in the real world.

Those of you that are raising a child with autism are well aware of the challenges that come with taking your child out into public, particularly when they are younger and less able to control their actions. This can be made worse when they do not have words for communication. Some of our kids that are more significantly affected will show their differences more obviously. You might take a look at them and just know that something is going on. Others that are less impacted by their diagnosis have more “invisible” symptoms. These less visible traits can be the bothersome things that get a child labeled as a “brat” or the mother as a “bad parent” when they are out in the real world.

In our schools, parents can fight bitterly for keeping their child in a self-contained setting because it is the most appropriate for their needs with the additional supports they might access in those classrooms. For others, the fight is to move the child out of that environment because it is stifling their growth and they need exposure to typical peers in a mainstream setting. Each can be equally appropriate, depending on the child.

A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine told me about a trip she planned for her kids to go out for dine-in fast food, with the assistance of their ABA therapist. This took some intent and planning and did not happen overnight. They made sure to go at a time that was off peak hours so they would have a better chance to escape without a meltdown. The trip out to the restaurant was no easy feat, particularly since she has 3 young kids diagnosed on the spectrum. She was dreading it, but knew that it would provide much needed practice for her kids, and it would be helpful to have the support of the professional that would accompany her that day.  

As you might expect, the experience had a few hiccups. And, someone at the restaurant could not resist making an intolerant comment when her youngest son started acting up. As a parent, when those things happen, you try that much harder to try to make your kid fit the mold of what is expected in public, and you become keenly aware of how different they are in that moment. It can be excruciating to try to overcompensate and do anything to make things better when you are the target of negative attention like that. She maintained her calm, but this person could not resist continuing to make disparaging remarks. And, like probably anyone in her shoes would do in the same situation, after a certain amount of time passed and the agitation increased, she let him have it. Loudly.     

I have had plenty of moments when Grumpy Badger was wildly melting down in public while we were waiting to check out at the grocery store, or when he would start screaming in the library, etc. I got my fair share of judgmental and searing stares, as I avoided eye contact with others and tried to rush my boys out of the situation before it got even worse.

I tend to be fairly non-confrontational, but those experiences taught me something. As a parent, you have to find your spine and use it when needed! Sometimes you have to be willing to provide an impromptu autism awareness lesson for those around you. If you can do it without yelling or breaking down into sobbing, all the better.   

Things have gotten a lot easier for us as we venture out beyond the doors of our home. We are no longer in crisis all the time. My boys have grown in their skills and abilities, and they are gaining maturity in certain areas. We have our moments when things are still difficult, but it’s definitely not as hard as it once was. For that, I’m thankful. But, I also vividly remember what it was like. And, I know so many people that are continuing to go through these situations daily and may not ever know what it’s like to have a reprieve.

This topic came up again when I was recently interviewed by a college student about the challenges of parenting a child with a special need. She was specifically looking to learn about the perceived societal stigmas and how parents cope with those pressures. I realized that the way I deal with the stigmas and expectations is very different than when I first became a parent.

To be blunt, I don’t give much of a crap anymore about what people think about me, my kids, or my parenting. This is autism, and it ain’t always pretty.    

One of the things I have been working on through my nonprofit is the normalization of differences and creating tolerance for special needs in all settings. I have given many presentations touching on this topic. It’s needed everywhere. Through educating and bringing awareness to a group of people interacting with the public (which includes families that have children with special needs, like mine), some of those people become the catalyst for change. They can take the information to heart and forward on their new perspective to others. I know it works. People have told me how they’ve shared the message, and it’s gone far beyond them after they heard me talk one day. The word can spread when people are willing to listen. The impact can be far-reaching.    

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I just read a very interesting article posted on March 16, 2013 from Amy S.F. Lutz in Slate Magazine on this very thing. Please take a moment to read it here. It’s well worth a few minutes of your time! She provides a lot of context and makes you really think about this idea of special needs segregation vs. inclusion.

For me, it is a very loaded topic because it touches on so many things.

I can’t help but draw a parallel between the intolerances shown toward people of different races and the intolerances shown toward people with both visible and invisible disabilities. It’s like we have a new “ism” now, but there is no defined name for it other than discrimination and intolerance.

A new form of segregation can be found in a self-contained classroom, whether that’s good or bad.

Self-inflicted segregation happens when parents will bend over backwards to conduct errands at off-peak times, trying to avoid large audiences and be as inconspicuous as possible. I have done this more times than I can count. It’s usually much safer at home, and this is why so many autism families feel so isolated.

We know that the world isn’t ready to deal with the influx of children and adults with autism and other special needs. As parents, we are trying to prepare our kids for the world and also prepare the world for our kids.

Have you thought about how to educate others and create awareness without it feeling confrontational and creating further discord? What works for you? What hasn’t worked?

If you haven’t yet thought about it, maybe now is the time.             

 

The R-Word Needs to Go B-Bye!

 

Children with special needs should never be made to feel “less.” They may be different, but they are not less. (Thank you, Temple Grandin!)

I am fortunate that I have never heard the R-word uttered in my presence as it relates to any child. Yet, I know it is happening. All over the place.

Children and adults that have challenges, along with their families, are being made to feel like they don’t deserve to share the planet with the rest of the population. Judgmental people and hurtful words run rampant.

When I hear stories of people I know, bloggers and friends, having to experience this sort of discrimination, it saddens me. It’s not easy to live and thrive with a special need or an intellectual disability. Families go through a lot and they do not deserve to be ridiculed. You would think that we as a society would be more tolerant by now.

There is still a lot of work to do! It can start with you.

Spread the Word to End the Word.

Visit http://r-word.org and learn more about how you can make a pledge and participate in activities near you.   

When autism awareness is a bad thing

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It seems weird to think that autism awareness could be bad. But, I believe in certain situations it can be.

There have been some newsworthy events happening in my community surrounding an autism charity. This organization had a platform of “autism awareness” and had a lot of success at spreading awareness by selling autism-themed trinkets in front of grocery stores.

Being that I’m involved in the nonprofit community, I have known of this organization for a while and our paths have crossed on more than one occasion.

The first time I saw them, I was walking into a Wal-Mart store and I saw their tables out front with all of their autism stuff. With a warm feeling in my heart, I picked up a brochure. After all, they were representing families like mine!

The second time I saw them, there were a few people gathered around the table making donations, and so I stopped to try to learn more. I waited for the crowd to disperse a bit and then started chatting with their representative. When I asked a couple of questions, basic things like what they fund and what their mission was, I kept getting referred back to their brochure and to call their office with my questions.

That put me aback. I thought it was strange that their own people couldn’t speak to the work that they were doing. I politely picked up another brochure and went about my business, making sure to look them up when I got home.

And, I did. Their website was certainly snappy enough. Someone had put some time into the design and it wasn’t merely thrown together. There was content, but I didn’t see a lot of information, and that bothered me. I let it go and forgot about it until another day.

Time passed, and I was working on a nonprofit autism event with some other local nonprofits. The aforementioned autism organization asked to be a vendor at our event. We agreed. At the event, we noticed that they were collecting money and their cash box was stuffed full with donations from the attendees. That rubbed a few of us organizers the wrong way. Here we were, a bunch of nonprofits representing ourselves as autism resources, and they were the only ones seeking money with no real information provided. It just didn’t feel right.  

After some later discussion and research, things started coming into focus. This organization was not who they were cracked up to be. It was merely a front for making money for the founders. Autism was the popular cause they chose.

It has come to light that they didn’t do much of anything to support autism in our area. They were keeping the vast majority of the money they raised for themselves. And, they were under investigation both in Washington and Oregon.

When I learned all of this, I was hurt. I felt duped. I also felt somehow responsible for people giving their money to this organization who attended the event I worked on. That made me angry.

The news was shared and people started paying closer attention. I began hearing stories of my friends notifying management at the stores they shopped at when they saw the organization camped out in front. In fact, on several occasions, they were removed from soliciting at those stores. Little by little, the word was getting out.

It’s all a matter of public record at this point. They have since ceased operations here in Washington, and I’m happy for that.

However, I get a twinge of anger every single time I see one of their bumper stickers on a car. And, that happens almost every day. They were very good at “autism awareness.” That particular brand of awareness feels like a kick in the stomach every time I see their logo on someone’s car in the community. In fact, even today, I had to resist the overwhelming urge to follow a car into a parking lot and try to tell them the truth about their bumper sticker. It almost feels like an obligation since I am an autism parent and also the head of nonprofit who is actually trying to do good for local autism families.  

Lord knows, I haven’t profited from my nonprofit work. It’s all about getting the information out there to where it needs to go, and connecting people with resources they need. Maybe someday I’ll make a livable wage, but I guarantee it will be earned fairly.

In this situation, I feel like autism awareness has created a dark cloud over the community.

Stores are no longer trusting of organizations (understandably), and it’s causing negative effects for others who are legitimate and want to get their story out there. Another organization I know and love comes to mind that has been barred from selling raffle tickets in front of stores, with all proceeds benefiting a major annual autism event. It is a sad thing for them, and it’s sad for all of us autism families that enjoy that event.

A disservice has been done to autism awareness causes in my state, and it’s because of one, very effective, yet short-lived organization. Other organizations are now directly suffering from their actions.

Worse yet, unknowing people are driving around with evidence of fraud plastered to their car’s bumper and they have no idea.

I guess the one thing I learned from this experience is to ALWAYS research people and organizations you give to. Personally, I have researched many organizations, and after learning the truth about how they spend their money, have made the choice to never give to them again.

I’ve found, generally speaking, that larger organizations may not manage their money very well. I am no longer blind to big events and fundraising campaigns that can’t even break even. It’s sickening to think about all of those people walking for all sorts of causes with their matching t-shirts and the sense of doing something bigger than yourself, and then learning that in some cases, none of that money will go toward what you were walking for. In fact, they may have even lost money on the event! Or, in the case of something like a fancy dinner auction, most of the money raised may have been spent on the caterer and auctioneer with only a fraction of a percent going toward anything helpful. Or, maybe it all ends up paying the 6-figure salaries of the organization’s executives. Stuff like that is rampant.

Any way you slice it, I learned that most of the money I was giving away was not going where I wanted it to. And, now that I know that, it’s no longer acceptable to me.

My new way of thinking is that any money I give (beyond what I already donate to my own organization) goes to smaller, grassroots organizations that keep money in their local community. I can see the actual impact of the programs that I support because the money stays here and I get to know the people behind the cause. Now, that is something I can believe in.

I am no longer swayed by slick ads, radio spots, and huge organizations that have a ton of support and name recognition. I seek out places that can deliver tangible change, from person to person. And, for my money, I believe that’s the best way to create awareness of any kind, with a lasting and positive impact.

I encourage you to look around your own community and identify organizations that are doing good work, and if you can, support them with your time and resources. You will feel a deep sense of satisfaction that your actions are truly helping others. Nonprofits, particularly smaller ones, are always looking for people to join ranks and provide a helping hand.

Awareness should always be a good thing. Isn’t that the point? I am now working to ensure that autism awareness in my local area is restored to its good name and works.

Help me be part of the solution by not giving away your resources blindly. Do your best to learn about the work, mission and outcomes of organizations near you. The effect will be great! And, in the case of autism awareness, it can once again be a good thing.                  

Top 10 Biker Names for CAM

You may remember me talking about my stint with the Hell’s Angels, back before Titan and I had kids. And by stint, I mean I saw them at a club in San Francisco. And, being the conservative suburbanite that I am, I stood out like a cardigan wearing, grandma purse toting sore thumb.

Well, I have some friends who are bikers.  

Does that somehow increase my coolness by proxy?

You know, I do have a little bit of biker cred. Back when I was in elementary school, my dad would pick me up from school on his motorcycle. I would get on the back and put on my helmet and it made me feel a bit less nerdy than I was. It was even more awesome when he came in uniform and picked me up in his police car. That got the kids looking!

Anyway, I had the chance to recently hang out with a local motorcycle club and participate in their fundraiser event. Yes, bikers fundraise! This particular club has a mission to protect children, and they take it very seriously. I am happy to get behind something like that and spend some money.

Once again, I stuck out like a sore thumb. At least this time I had jeans on and not business casual attire! I was in a neighborhood that is not one I frequent at night, and the building was packed with people adorned with black leather, beards, crosses, skulls, gargoyles, embroidered patches, and tattoos.

The thing that really struck me was how many different motorcycle clubs were there that night, all showing their support to what may otherwise be considered a rival club. But, because their mission is all about kids, this particular club has made lots of friends and is able to garner quite a bit of community support. I think that is pretty cool!

My husband works in the construction field and he has told me countless stories over the years about how some of the roughest looking guys are actually the most kind and generous people he has ever met. I think the same can be said about the biker crowd. You may have a stereotypical filter on when you look at them, but I was able to notice immediately the sense of family among the group. Sure, they can be tough and serious when they need to be, but they care about each other like they are related. That is something you don’t see very often.   

It’s kind of the same lesson we all have to learn about autism and other invisible disabilities. A child may not be what they appear at first glance, but there is so much more about them to be uncovered when you get to know them.

So, back to bikers! This particular club believes in what I’m doing with my nonprofit and they decided to become a sponsor at a fundraiser I have coming up. When they turned in their paperwork and listed the names of the people on their team for the event, I had to smile. I saw names like Ribbit, K-Dog, Red, Junkyard, and more. I mean, who has a cool nickname like that? Bikers do!

I let my mind wander a bit, and found myself trying to think of what I would call myself if I ever opted to become a biker chick. Since I am pretty far away from being cool, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be.  



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I present to you my stream of thought as I attempted to come up with a suitable biker name. You never know when you might need one! Although, if I ever drove a motorcyle, I'd probably have to wear head-to-toe body armor to protect me from my own clutziness.

Here are my top 10 biker names in no particular order:

Angel – An obvious choice given that my name is Angela.
Cam – If you are reading this blog, then you know what CAM stands for!
Betty – An homage to Betty White, the hilarious, sweet and squeaky clean lady that every so often shocks you with something she says or does. I’ve shocked a few people in my day!  
C-Burn – This is a play on the cool names that famous people give themselves (like T-Pain and such). This particular name is a derivative of Carol Burnett, one of my all time favorite comedians and queen of physical comedy. If you have no idea who Carol Burnett is, you need to look up her brilliantly funny show - and, I also feel really, really old.    
Lucy – Because I’ve always got some ‘splainin’ to do! Lucille Ball was always so funny!
Ballerina – I am the exact opposite of graceful. I have a scar and partial paralysis on my forehead to prove it. And, bruises on my legs because I’m always banging into something. You get the point.
Kona – After my favorite variety of coffee.
Corretto – Referring to an alcoholic coffee drink. What is better after a long day than coffee with a bit of booze?
Scotta – Paying tribute to the Scottish heritage on my mom’s side. Scotta is the name where Scotland came from, referring to the goddess/warrior woman that lived on the Isle of Skye.
Sugar – My weakness. My nemesis.

Which one is your favorite?

What would your biker name be?


 

Go Seahawks!

I'm not a big sports person. We don't have regular TV, so we can't watch any games, even if we wanted to. I know for some of you that is almost sacrilegious. I think I'm one of the few wives that is not a widow on Super Bowl Sunday. I count myself very lucky that it's just another day for our family.

Imagine my surprise when yesterday afternoon Prince Charming bounds off the bus with his fist in the air, yelling happily, "Goooooo Seahawks!" He had the biggest grin on his face, and he was even wearing a Seahawks hat that he made in school.

It was so cute to see him so excited and the bus driver cheered after him. I noticed she was wearing her Seahawks jersey, like most of the State of Washington. It was Blue Friday, after all.

For those of you not in the know, the Seahawks are really big deal, what with the playoffs and all. Blue Friday is the day that all of the "12th man" fans wear their jerseys and gear to show their support of the next playoff game.

Prince Charming told me that teachers and kids at his school were wearing jerseys and everyone was very excited.

I asked him, "Honey, do you know who the Seahawks are?"

He stopped wiggling and said, "The Seahawks."

"Well honey, what makes the Seahawks special? What do they do?"

In his very Prince Charming and utterly cute way, he said with a huge smile, "I have no idea!"

That's my boy. Go Seahawks!  

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Book Review & Giveaway: Easy to Love but Hard to Raise

Have you finished your Christmas shopping yet? Well, today I’m trying to help you out a little bit with that. I have a book that is perfect to give to your extended family members who maybe need a little insight about special needs. Or, you can keep it as a nice gift for yourself as a reminder that you are not alone.

I was contacted by DRT Press about the new book, Easy to Love but Hard to Raise: Real Parents; Challenging Kids, True Stories, edited by Kay Marner and Adrienne Ehlert Bashista. They didn’t give me a big, fat check to say nice things about them, but they did send me a shiny, new copy of this book in paperback. I was cool with that because I love books, and may even have a slight problem with them - you should see all the books in my office…

You, my friends, now have a chance to win a copy of Easy to Love but Hard to Raise for your very own! It’s like a little bit of Christmas from me to you (courtesy of DRT Press). J

The editors set the tone for the book when they gave their acknowledgements:

…to all the parents of children who are oh-so-easy to love, but so hard to raise. May you find hope, community and kindred spirits in these pages.

You know you are in for something real when you see a statement like that.

There are stories written by 32 parents that describe situations they’ve had with their children. Between these anecdotes are brief Q & A sections with 25 experts that discuss related issues. This is a unique approach and it provides a nice contrast in content.

Rather than focusing on my favorite moments from the diverse stories shared within its pages, I find myself more drawn to the intent of the book.

I really appreciated the Foreward written by Dr. Edward Hallowell. Here is an excerpt taken from page xi:

Some kids are easy to love. Some kids just sail through childhood getting love wherever and whenever they need it. But then there are the kids who live in alphabet soup. They are not so easy to love. They can be difficult, distant, disobedient, defiant, dangerous, even delusional. They can leave a parent crying herself to sleep every night, they can leave a parent feeling guilty for having negative feelings, they can leave a parent despairing that the child will ever find a way in the world, they can deplete the store of love every parent starts off with.

But they can’t deplete it for long. That’s what’s so amazing about these parents. They keep on going. They never give up. They give their all, and then they find more all to give. They are paragons of the best of the human spirit. And they earn this praise in the hot and dusty arena of the struggle to raise a child who can seem, at times, impossible to raise.    

Yes!

Yes. He gets it.

With the Introduction from Kay Marner, we realize the true meaning of this book. It is this intent with which I write my blog. These words could have just as easily come from me and they speak the truth of what many of us parents in the trenches seek to do by reaching out to others.

No, I’m not a parenting expert, but I am an expert on my child and the complex and contradictory emotions that come with raising her. In time I’ve learned that there’s value in sharing these emotions. Expert advice is not the only thing struggling parents need. We also need to know we’re not alone; to know that other parents are going through similar experiences, making similar mistakes, and searching for similar answers. We need something experts can’t give us: we need each other.

Absolutely.

There’s really nothing more to say, is there?

If you want to learn about how other parents are dealing with ADHD, SPD, OCD, PDD and other diagnoses, than you should definitely take some time to read this book. The parent perspective is a refreshing change from the dry, scientific “experts” that we all read in our spare time between the various daily crises, adventures and attempts to sleep.

One thing is certain, if you hadn’t already figured it out: you are not alone.

Thank you to DRT Press for giving me a chance to read this book, and also for allowing me to give away a copy to my dear readers. To learn more about this book, visit www.easytolovebut.com or www.drtpress.com.   

*UPDATE as of 11/30/12 12pm Pacific*
There have been some technical difficulties with the giveaway widget since I posted this 12 hours ago. I started out with Rafflecopter and had a couple of entries, but ultimately I had to trash that one. I have to apologize to those that entered via Rafflecopter - I have no idea who you are...sorry. You will need to re-enter with the new widget. I replaced the old widget with a new one from PunchTab that seems to be doing better, unless you are on Internet Explorer. So far, it does not appear to work in IE at all and will not get past the "loading" screen. You will need to use Chrome or some other browser to enter the giveaway. SORRY for all of the issues this time around.

I’ll announce the winner of the giveaway next week! Good luck, everyone!

The spirit of giving

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The holidays are creeping up so fast this year! Am I the only one that is completely blindsided by Thanksgiving? I feel so unprepared!

Normally I like to plan out Christmas gifts far in advance and have the majority of my shopping done before the first of November. I begin my bargain shopping at the New Year’s clearance sales. From then on, I get things in drips and drabs whenever I find an awesome deal that I can’t pass up. By spreading my shopping out over the entire year, it helps save a lot of money for our single income family, and it also saves me from the chaos of shopping during the holiday season.

I have only been shopping on Black Friday once in the past 15 (or more) years. As you can imagine, this was before kids! I consider myself a combat shopper, but I don’t know if I am that hard core! Rather than be up for a post-turkey coma shopping all-nighter extravaganza, I prefer to sleep in, fix some leftovers for breakfast, and casually putter around the house in my robe and slippers.  

I mistakenly attempted to make a quick run to Costco yesterday. I figured that since it wasn’t yet the day before Thanksgiving, it would be busy, but not super duper busy. Well, it was cray cray. Totally insane. The parking lot was so full that people were parking across the street into an overflow lot and tons more cars were circling the lot like vultures. I managed to change course and narrowly escape before I got stuck in the Costco parking lot vortex of terror.

Why do we put ourselves through all of the holiday torture twice in the span of a month? Well, there’s the whole spending time with family thing. Obviously...

In our family we don’t often get to be under the same roof with other family members, and since we have to deal with food allergies it’s usually easier for me to make the holiday meal here at my house. Even though it can be a bit stressful, we always have a fun time.  

But, what is it really all about, Charlie Brown?

Sorry, I couldn’t resist...

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Well, beyond the whole Pilgrims and Indians thing for Thanksgiving and the birth of Christ for Christmas, I think it really all boils down to one thing:  giving.

We want to give a good meal and prepare foods that we know others will like. We want to give our time and spend it in a meaningful way with our family. We want to give something personal to others that we hope they will enjoy. We want to give a smile. We want to give our love.

(And, depending on your family dynamic, you may want to also give a few choice words or gestures along the way! I am definitely thankful that we don't have a lot of drama in our family!)

Do you want to know what meaningful gift I was offered recently?

$27.

It doesn’t sound overly special, does it? However, I can assure you that the $27 is indeed very special. Let me tell you why.

Last year (if you were reading my blog back then), you may recall me telling you about how I help run a low-cost, sensory-friendly Santa portrait event. It’s such a joy to be a part of! We recently had our first event of 2 scheduled for 2012. We are always excited to see repeats and marvel at how big the kids have gotten since last year.  

One family in particular, a repeat to our event, has a fairly complicated situation. It’s a hodgepodge of diagnosis alphabet soup, including foster children. And, although the kids were on their best behavior, I know that they are very challenging. I think most foster parents would shy away from the tougher cases, but not this family! For all I know, the mom can leap small buildings with a single bound! She has such grace, and her intense focus and determination keep her working toward doing the best she possibly can for each of her children.  

After she arrived to the event with her entourage, she took me aside and quietly said:

“Do you know of any families that would like to attend this event and cannot pay? I want to help with that. This month and we have an extra $27 and I’d like to contribute to those that need it.”

I stood there with a smile on my face, nodding, trying to focus on what she was saying. Wait a minute...did she just say what I think she said? When I realized the depth of her offer, I wanted to burst into tears at her generosity. She was so touched by her experience with our event that she wanted to give that same experience to others…even though she only had $27 extra for the month. The month!

Simply. Incredible.

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It was such a genuine moment of a giving heart in action. She truly embodies the spirit of giving and serves as an example to all of us.

And that is what it’s really all about.

I hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving!    

 

   

Caffeinated Autism Mom for Governor?

Apparently I was written in as a candidate for Governor on a ballot! Talk about shock. Wanna know who thought I was more qualified than the other candidates?

My dad.

I guess I should take it as a compliment, although I thought it was a waste of a perfectly good vote.

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I will admit that I got a tiny bit of satisfaction thinking that some person in the Auditor's office was going to have to add me to a list of write-in candidates.

Right along with Mickey Mouse.

Well, I was almost famous for one day with my single vote for Governor.

In honor of election day and my brief stint as a candidate for Governor, I thought I would make an announcement.

I won the Best Parenting Blog in the Best of Western Washington contest that I was harrassing you about on Facebook for the better part of September and October!

If you voted for me, I really appreciate it. The contest may be a local one, but to those of us who live in the Seattle area, it's kind of a big deal and I'm very excited about winning.

One little side note:
I saw on their website that I won the contest (and even checked it twice that day out of disbelief!), but then their site went down. Now, I can't obsessively check it just to "make sure." Since then, they keep pushing out the date they will re-release the final tally. Something about technical issues. So, I won according to their site, pre-crash, and I hope it stays that way! I'm moving forward with it, and hope I don't have to eat my words later...  

You may also remember me asking begging you for your vote in the Chase Community Giving $5 million grant contest. My nonprofit was ultimately too small and unpopular to win, but I'm happy for each and every vote we got. I hope we can try again next year and do even better. I guess I can't win 'em all, right?

I found this little gem on Facebook.
Make sure my coffee is Stumptown Roasters.
Their coffee is so yummy! :-)

In honor of the one thing I did win, and as a thank you to everyone for putting up with the constant barrage of voting requests on Facebook and Twitter, I'm announcing a blog giveaway!

I have a coffee-themed gift. Several, actually. Did you expect anything less from CAM? I haven't chosen the specific item I'm going to give away for this contest, but they are all cool if you like coffee. And, you do like coffee, don't you? 

To enter, all you have to do is leave me your favorite picture, cartoon, or image related to coffee and post it on my Facebook page. Make sure to include your email address so I can reach you if you win! I will select a winner and make the announcement on Monday the 12th.

Good luck, and thank you for voting!        

Moving on

As any autism parent can tell you, change is hard. Our kids have a hard time transitioning or doing something outside of the routine. I’m here to tell you that change is also hard for everyone else, too.

This past weekend I worked my tail off to help prepare my grandma’s house for sale. It’s been a long time coming. Grandma fell and injured herself a couple of years ago. After a stint in a rehab facility, it became clear that it was no longer a good idea for her to live by herself.  

My grandma is almost 95 and she is healthy as a horse. She is also stubborn as a mule! By God’s grace, she still has her wits about her. I can only hope and pray that I will be the same way when I am her age…if I ever get there!

Since she moved in with my aunt about 2 years ago her house has been sitting vacant. Recently she decided she was finally willing to let the house go. I imagine it was very difficult for her because there are a lot of memories there. Out of all the grandkids, I think I spent the most time there and it was like my second home when I was growing up.

Going through all of her things was exhausting. Like many people her age, she was hesitant to throw anything away that could be useful, and she surrounded herself with knickknacks and pictures. Every so often I would stop and reminisce as something jogged my memory. My cousin and I would exclaim to each other, “Do you remember this? Wow!” We would shake our heads in disbelief as we walked down memory lane. It was really cool to uncover things we had long forgotten about or never even knew existed.

The one thing that made the weekend easier was the fact that grandma is still with us. Had we been going through her things after her passing, it would have been much more difficult. I was grateful for the opportunity to clean and organize her house without grief. It was also very enjoyable to gather together a few family members and friends of the family that are scattered around and work toward a common goal.  

Since it was a sunny weekend, the house was warm and it was really stuffy from being unoccupied for so long. We opened up all the windows and doors, cranked up the music, and got our groove on well into the night. All of the neighbors must have loved our shake-your-booty-and-sing-your-heart-out renditions of songs by the Village People, Milli Vanilli, the Bangles, and others. Poor neighbors. They are probably traumatized for life. Over 2 nights, I think we got about 5 hours of sleep total. By the end, we were hobbling around covered in dust and grime and completely sore and tired.

Gram's house is the epitome of 70's chic! Don't you love the green shag and orange furniture? You should have seen this room before we stripped it clean. We removed a couple of pieces of furniture, all the pictures off the wall, the tons of dried and silk flowers, and the knickknacks from every corner and surface. By paring down the room, it's the largest we've ever seen it. Who knew there was this much space? 

My cousin, uncle and I were feeling emotional over certain things we came across and things we remembered, but we did our best to hold our emotions in check. I think we all knew that if we allowed the floodgates to open they just would not stop. I somehow managed to hold myself together while I was in the house.  

On my way back home, I crossed the bridge over the river from Portland into Vancouver and that’s when I lost it. I was a wreck off and on for the rest of that night and the next day. Lord help me when the house actually sells. She’s the only grandparent left between my husband and I, and I don’t even want to think about when she goes to be with the rest of our grandparents in heaven.   

One moment that really sticks out in my mind from that weekend is when I stopped by the neighbor’s house to chat. As it turns out, they also have 2 boys diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I found myself in their living room chatting with them about autism, educational advocacy, and other related topics. Even though my hubby was home with our boys, it was like I was right back in my element.  

Once my grandma’s house sells, I will no longer have relatives in my old hometown. But, I will have community. I will have autism family. And that makes the change a little bit easier.

 

Preach it, Holly!

After being away from the computer most of yesterday, I found a quiet moment to check back in on all things social media. In my news feeds I immediately saw a lot of chatter from my autism friends about Holly Robinson Peete and 50 Cent. As they are both quite famous for very different reasons, I was intrigued and read on.

On Twitter, 50 Cent had apparently insulted someone that tweeted him by telling this person that he looked autistic. This ignorant quip had the ill-intended effect of the "R" word. Then, 50 Cent followed it up with another comment mentioning special ed. Of course, I was disgusted.

But, I gotta tell ya something. Autism parents are a fiesty bunch! As I was reading about this fiasco, I was thinking about how I could write a very spirited blog post without making him want to get a restraining order against me.

However, I saw that Holly Robinson Peete was leading the charge. I read her letter to 50 Cent and I have to say that she did a first rate, bang up job. I could not have written it any better myself! She was appropriate, informed and powerful. It's all the more reason to like her!

Holly, thank you from the bottom of my heart for representing the autism community so well. It is efforts like these that can help make change in the hearts of people everywhere.

To read the letter Holly Robinson Peete wrote to 50 Cent, click here.

To read a post from Lisa Ackerman of TACA about this, click here.

To read a post about the incident over at Strollerderby, click here.

Oh, and if by some miracle 50 Cent is reading this post, I have something I'd like to share with you...

50, this is what autism looks like in my boys. And, if I do say so myself, it looks damn handsome.

Photography by Dana Napoleon

Rant complete.

Happy Independence Day!

   

Silly Creatures Giveaway

How was your Memorial Day weekend? I hope it was great! We did a lot of stuff around my house, but somehow we ended up with a bigger mess than we started with. Somehow I need to find some time to fix that problem!

I am happy to announce that today we have a giveaway! A while ago I was contact by Flor, the owner and creator of Silly Creatures. After reading her story and visiting her website, I was excited to have the opportunity to share one of her Silly Creatures with you.

I love the fact that her products are all made with eco-friendly and natural materials, like organic cotton. In addition, Flor is working toward receiving a B Corporation certification. I had no idea what this was until I learned more about it here. Certified B Corporations use “the power of business to solve social and environmental problems.” That’s pretty cool!

Even before I decided to run a nonprofit, I always felt more compelled to do business with companies who were generous. I truly appreciate that Silly Creatures gives back to the community and is making a difference for meaningful organizations and programs.

The company and concept of Silly Creatures started as a request from Flor’s son, Simon. He drew pictures of what he wanted and even gave the creatures names. Flor bought the supplies and started to make her first Silly Creature. When Simon wanted to play with the stuffing, Flor decided to create a digestive tract. A child could then pretend to feed the toy and have the “food” come out the other side.  

The K-BEU family of Silly Creatures

The Silly Creatures idea was born, and several different types are now available. Polished stones serve as the food that kids can give to the creatures, and then they can push it through the digestive tract. The creatures provide play with several functions, including learning about anatomy and also helping to develop fine motor skills.

Flor was kind enough to send me a Silly Creature to give away to you! Isn’t that great? If you have a child that you think would enjoy this toy, please take a moment and enter to win! The giveaway will be open through Saturday and then I’ll announce the winner next Monday.

Don’t forget to visit Silly Creatures on Facebook and Twitter! Good luck!  



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